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[yawn] >> superman: what do you guys wanna do today? >> batman: i don’t know. i got some email stuff to do. >> flash: how about we save people? >> batman: come on man. >> batman: what are you? >> superman: shut up flash.>> batman: what kind of an idea is that? >> superman: flash.>> batman: it's [bleep] friday. >> superman: why are you such a bitch?>> flash: i was kidding. >> batman: why would we do that [bleep] on friday?>> flash: it was a joke!
>> superman: you’re such a little [bleep] flash. [slap sound] >>superman: [bleep] man! >> batman: hey! no fast [bleep] in the mornings! >> superman: what’s up? i'm superman. uh, obviously. um, i live in this house with three othersuperheros. wonder woman, batman, and flash. wonder woman! can you cook us something, please? >> wonder woman: umm...no.
>> superman: why? why? >> wonder woman: because why do i have to cook something? because i'm the girl in the house i have to cook for you guys? >> superman: no! it has nothing to do with that.>> batman: no! no! don't make it about that.>> wonder woman: thank you! >> superman: it has nothing to...>> wonder woman: see no, it does have something to do with that >> superman: shut up.>> wonder woman: exactly.>> batman: you're already over there! >> superman: i feel like you’d be good at cooking. >> wonder woman: why?>> superman: it’s a complement!>> flash: dude, that's so sexist bro! >> wonder woman: listen, i’m not your mom. if you want to cook something then you cook something. >> superman: you don’t think i can cook?
>> wonder woman: no. >> batman: i think you can cook. >> superman: don't think i can cook? >> wonder woman: no.>> batman: oh no. he won't. >> superman: toast! >> flash & batman: oh!! >> flash: that was good! >> wonder woman: i’m wonder woman and i unfortunately live with three idiots. >> superman: should we go to the mall?
>> wonder woman: i’m down.>> flash: yeah. >> batman: yeah i gotta go buy some black shirts. >> superman: let’s do it. let’s do the mall. i'll fly. wonder woman, you fly. >> wonder woman: alright.>> superman: um flash, you can run. and batman you uber. >> batman: no that’s not cool.>> wonder woman: yep! >> wonder woman: bye!>> batman: i don’t wanna! hey! hey! hey! hey! hey! no!
>> wonder woman: let go of me!>> batman: superman! superman!>> wonder woman: oh my god! >> wonder woman: he has me by the arm.>> batman: no! you're not! come back. >> superman: what's wrong?>> batman: no. >> batman: you always fly. he runs and then i have to drive. >> superman: so what? whats the big deal?>> batman: no. it’s not fair. >> superman: then get on his back. you could... [laughing] >> batman: i’m not. i don't even want... i'm not... i'm not gonna...i’m not gonna get on his back. >> superman: come on bro!>> batman: cause then i'll feel like a little [bleep].
>> batman: i’ll give you a ride. why don’t you just get on my back? i’m not gonna get on your [bleep] back. >> superman: i’m not trying to make fun of you, it’s just... >> batman: that's not funny! either, we’re all taking a car or i’m not going. >> wonder woman: we're not getting stuck in traffic! [all arguing] >> batman: appreciate it guys. >> wonder woman: see the thing about superheroes is that everyone has a [bleep] ego.
can i swear? >>superman: why are people staring at us like that? >> batman: i don’t know. it's inconsiderate.>> flash: i have no idea. >> superman: what do you guys think? >> flash: nah.>> batman: no. >> superman: why not? >> flash: you’re superman bro. superman doesn’t wear sunglasses. >> batman: we’re normal people. we do normal things.
we just happen to have super powers. we do all the normal things that normal people do. >> flash: they don’t have anything in my size. >> batman: i might get some moisturizers. >> superman: never hurts. >> lady: we have a situation upstairs with a kid, you better go check it out. >> superman: he needs help? >> batman: we just come to the mall and everyone is asking for help and [bleep]. it's like let us shop. >> superman: stupid [bleep].
>> superman: i’m superman, right. so, it’s the best. it’s the best. there better... is there better...name one super hero better than the superman. i can’t hear you that's cause there’s none. yo, for real though batman you gotta watch what you eat bro. you can’t be eating that pretzel [bleep]. >> batman: have you tried one of those pretzels? >> superman: bro. i don’t eat that [bleep]. >> batman: hey watch out for that kryptonite right there!
>> superman: ha. you’re hilarious. how does that feel? >> flash: hey look. hey. i'm slow. >> superman: you’re not funny flash. >> flash: they’re cracking stupid lame jokes all day and i can’t say one fricken joke. like what the [bleep]? >> superman: can i try this? >> wonder woman: no.>> superman: just one bite. >> flash: hold on guys.
>> wonder woman: i don't like sharing. >> wonder woman:>> superman: you ever think about how they ever make all these movies on us on stuff? and they make us look way cooler than we actually are. >> wonder woman: yeah.>> batman: do you what i think is funny? >> flash: yeah.>> batman: how we’re all getting studio movies and this guy just has a show on the cw. it’s like... between vampire diaries and onetree hill. >> superman: yeah why are you such [bleep]? you have no powers.
>> batman: you guys are [bleep] aliens. i'm a real person. >> superman: he’s got a point. >> wonder woman:what?>> superman: he's got a point. >> batman: that’s why i have so many more fans than you guys. >> superman: you don’t have fans bro. >> wonder woman: no one likes you. >> superman: bro i’m superman. i'm timeless bro. i’m timeless. for real what are we doing tonight? >> flash: i say…>> wonder woman:: i wanna go to the club.
i wanna get drunk. >> flash: let’s do something chill. i say... >> wonder woman: no! i feel like getting drunk. >> flash: i'm not gonna get...i don’t drink anymore. >> batman: why is he being such a [bleep] today?>> flash: i don’t drink. >> batman: first he’s like let’s save people and now he’s like let’s just chill. what do you want to watch a movie? >> superman: what do you want to watch? batman vs. superman
>> flash: bro! >> flash: i feel like tonight's the night to prove that i’m not a little [bleep] you know these guys are always ganging up on me for no reason. >> wonder woman: yeah, i think going out tonight is really gonna help us. it’s gonna help us relieve our stress. << superman: let’s just go. have a good time. forget about everything. >> batman: i’m always down to go out. [music] >> flash: i can walk bro! i can walk bro!
>> batman: oh big surprise. we went out to the clubs and the flash gottoo drunk. >> wonder woman: can you get up? >> flash: i'm trying!>> wonder woman: honestly!>> superman: come on bro! >> superman: you're good! you're good. come on baby. you're good. >> wonder woman: get up! he's good. >> wonder woman: he's good.>> flash: why is he still holding me right now? i’m walking! let me go! i’m walking! >> wonder woman: when people think superheroes they think like movies and flashy things and superpowers.
>> batman: do i wanna kill these people sometimes? yes. >> wonder woman: but really, we have a lot going on. we have a lot of issues. >> superman: at the end of the day bro we’re a family. you know we’re a family. >> batman: but at the end of the day... these are my best friends. i love these people! except the flash.
[flash crying]>> wonder woman: oh my god. >> flash: i’m the flash. i’m a little [bleep]. [exit music]
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