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hello everybody. today i will be reading youthings mr. welch is not allowed to do in a rpg numbers 1-100. if you wish to read alongthere will be the tvtropes link and the actual blog post where it originated from in thedescription as well as links to other places of my channel. alright we will start withnumber 1. 1. cannot base characters off the who's drummerkeith moon.
2. a one man band is not an appropriate bardinstrument. 3. there is no gnomish god of heavy artillery. 4. my 7th sea character boudreaux is not 'southern'montaigne. 5. not allowed to blow all my skill points on1pt professional skills. 6.
synchronized panicking is not a proper battleplan. 7. not allowed to use psychic powers to do thedishes. 8. how to serve dragons is not a cookbook. 9. my monk's lips must be in sync. 10. just because my character and i can speakgerman, doesn't mean the gm can.
11. not allowed to berserk for the hell of it,especially during royal masquerades. 12. must learn at least one offensive or defensivespell if i'm the sorcerer. 13. must not murder canon npcs in their sleep,no matter how cliche they are. 14. ogres are not kosher. 15.
plan b is not automatically twice as muchgunpowder as plan a. 16. i will not beat tomb of horrors in less than10 minutes from memory. 17. collateral damage man is not an appropriatename for a super hero. 18. when surrendering i am to hand the sword overhilt first. 19. drow are not good eating.
20. polka is not appropriate marching music. 21. no longer allowed to recreate the death startrench run out of genre. 22. there is no such thing as a gnomish pygmywar rhino. 23. any character who has a sensitivity trainingcenter named after him will be taken away. 24.
even if the rules allow it, i am not allowedto summon 50,000 blue whales. 25. the green elf does not need food badly. 26. valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. especially if you're the paladin. 27. i am not to shoot every corpse in the headto make sure they aren't a zombie in twilight 2000.
28. the goddess' of marriage chosen weapon isnot the whip. 29. i cannot have any gun that requires me tocontinue the damage code on back. 30. i am not to kill off all the vampires in thelarp, even if they are terminally stupid. 31. the backup trap handler is not whoever hasthe most hp at the time. 32.
i cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 orover. 33. there is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'34. i am not allowed to base any droid off anycharacter played by joe pesci. 35. i am not allowed to convince the entire partyto play r2 units. 36. i am not allowed to convince the entire partyto sit on the same side of the table. 37.
they do not make black market illegal cyberweaponsfor rodents. 38. when investigating evil cultists not allowedto just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside. 39. gnomes do not have the racial ability 'canlick their eyebrows' 40. gnomes do not have the racial ability to holdtheir breath for 10 minutes. 41.
gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptukickstand' 42. having a big nose adds nothing to my seductioncheck. 43. no longer allowed to set nazi propaganda musicto a snappy disco beat. 44. not allowed to spend all 100 character pointson 100 1pt skills. 45. my character names are not allowed to be doubleentendres.
46. sliver rhymes with silver because the computerfrelling says so. 47. they do not make nair in wookie sizes. 48. the elf is restricted to decaf for the restof the adventure. 49. not allowed to blow up the death star beforethat snotty farm kid gets his shot. 50.
not allowed to use thermodynamic science toasphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first. 51. no longer allowed to use the time machinefor booty calls. 52. my bard does not know how to play inna goddadavida on marachas. 53. not allowed to start a drow character weighingmore than a quarter ton. 54.
cannot pimp out other party members. 55. before facing the dragon, not allowed to glazethe elf. 56. no matter how well i roll, a squirrel cannotcarry a horse and rider at full sprint. 57. in the middle of a black op i cannot ask aguard to validate parking. 58. expended ammunition is not a business expense.
59. not allowed to pose the netrunner in embarrassingpositions when he's on a run. 60. not allowed to short sheet the bedroll ofimpotent deities. 61. can only taunt the ranger about his lack ofswimming after my uscg e8 saves him. 62. i am not allowed to do anything i saw hansolo do once. 63.
no, i cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if isay please. 64. my paladin's battle cry is not "good for thegood god" 65. there is no summon bimbo spell. 66. not allowed to start a character that speaksevery language except ones the party speaks. 67. there is no kung fu manuever "mcguire swingsfor bleachers"
68. bring him back intact includes redundant organs. 69. there is more to wizardry than magic missile. even if i can do 200 damage automatic withno save. 70. not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sinkeven if the target number is 5. 71. there is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor72.
not allowed to start a character who is over100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf. humans are right out. 73. not allowed to name my cudgel ceremonial whoopassstick. 74. my thief's battle cry is not "run and live"75. nor is it "you take care of the orcs, i takecare of the traps" 76. i am not allowed any artistic license whiletranslating.
77. i did not get my super powers from james t.kirk. 78. not allowed to commission a pistol that costsmore than a sedan. 79. i am not liquid metal. 80. when accepting a challenge for a duel, i mustallow the other guy time to find a pistol. 81.
a picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptablebackup weapon. 82. victory laps after killing the dragon withmy 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste. 83. my gnome does not like big butts and he cannotlie. 84. not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitorsinto buying a 220lb pull crossbow. 85. not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitorsinto buying an industrial strength flamethrower.
86. not allowed to make a superhero with a 99%chance of dodging even after the -10 penalty for a successful called shot. 87. there is no such thing as a dwarven katana. 88. my bard does not get a bonus to perform ifshe is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard. 89.
the elf's name is not legolam. 90. my swashbuckling fop cannot take the flawdark secret: not gay 91. a wet towel does not constitute an improvisedweapon. 92. the name of the weapon shop is not "bloodbathand beyond" 93. i am to remind my dm that he must never, evergive my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
94. i cannot base my ancient kung fu master onneither gene simmons or bluto blutarski. 95. i must not put the thunder god on the spotagain. 96. no making up polearms. 97. my one wish cannot be 'i wish everything onthis piece of paper was true' 98.
there is no such thing as speed polka. 99. not allowed to see if jedi can parry a shotgunblast with their lightsaber. 100. when any character from a d20 sourcebook isallowed, that doesn't include system lords. 101. i am not allowed to pave anything. 102. i am not authorized to start any civil engineeringproject on the taxpayer's dime.
103. there is no such thing as a club 3 of cupchecks 104. nor is there a 1 longsword, 5 against partymembers. 105. i am not allowed to polymorph anyone intoabe vigoda. 106. i do not have weapon proficiency in cat. 107.
there is no such game as wereshark the buffet. 108. no, i do not get xp for every single crewmanon that star destroyer. 109. not allowed to kill a vampire with any partfrom a dc-10 larger than my car. 110. not allowed to serenade the party even ifmy character has an internal tape deck. 111. i did not pick the garrote skill last weekfrom my grandmother.
112. if the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine,it doesn't go on the plane. 113. my droid is not allowed to paraphrase anyjack nicholson soliloquy. 114. the demilich only falls for getting stuffedin the bag of holding once. 115. my musical instrument does not double as apersonal flotation device. 116.
not allowed to take a coffee break duringthe final super villain showdown. 117. i am restricted to memorizing floating disconly once per day. 118. i will pick a more traditional paladin weaponinstead of a sledgehammer. 119. my character's names cannot be anagrams ofplayboy playmates. 120. not allowed to kill another party member witha boomerang again.
121. i am not a contractor for dragon cave cleaningservices inc. 122. the paladin's alignment is not lawful anal. 123. not allowed to forget to mention traps whenthe powergamer has point. 124. i cannot insert the words "kill phil, sorryphil" into any list of instructions. 125.
lingerie can only snap coincidentally so manytimes per day. 126. dwarves do not count as burrowing animals. 127. not allowed to download aol 6.0 on the arasakamainframe. 128. polka gnomes exist only in my mind. 129. not allowed to name my ship the antidisestablishmentarianism.
130. i am not authorized to form the head. 131. not allowed to bet how many times the lichbounces. 132. there is no such feat called "death blossom"133. my acrobat cannot balance on the warlord'shead for more than one round. 134. the king's guards official name is not "theroyal order of the red shirt"
135. i cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubsor bubblewrap. 136. i cannot start the 7th sea campaign with 3confirmed drachen kills. 137. i do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy. 138. if the mere thought of it costs the otherssanity, i'm forbidden from doing it. 139.
my bard is required to take levels in theperform skill and cannot 'just play by ear' 140. the dutch language does not exist in the forgottenrealms. 141. my maid does not know kung fu.142. not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugar rushjust to jack up the cr later. 143. not allowed to by a holy symbol for everygod just in case one of them is right. 144.
there is no such thing as pleather armor. 145. i cannot go back in time to cut in line atthe declaration of independence so everybody now is asked for their terrence e. woczinskiwhen signing documents. 146. not allowed to play an australian in any gameset before 1600. 147. hobbits are not allowed to have norse ancestry. 148.
there is no gnomish deathgrip, and even ifthere was, it wouldn't involve tongs. 149. looting the unguarded baggage train is notconsidered a glorious victory. 150. not allowed to create recreational drugs insuppository format. 151. halflings do not have a racial proficiencywith the flamethrower. 152. when the guy is at -9 hp is not the best timefor my cleric to convert him.
153. i will not propose to every noblewoman atthe royal ball until i crit my charisma check. 154. i am not allowed to rub the monk's head forluck. 155. i am not allowed to rub any part of the elfchick for any reason. 156. when one person forgets to buy rations eatingthe half-elf is not our first option. 157.
any capital scale weapon is not 'my littlefriend'. 158. i will not declare myself a god just so ican grant myself spells. 159. airlocks do not double as trash disposals. 160. i will not load any gatling weapon with nothingbut paint rounds. 161. i will not nail every single female partymember except for the elf chick played by
that creepy guy. 162. what ever monster we just killed is not tobe tonight's dinner. 163. not allowed to try and make a dire versionof any dog of the toy breeds. 164. i am not to tattle to the halfling assassin'smom about his career choice. 165. i am forbidden from replacing anything withfolger's crystals to see if they notice.
166. not allowed to bribe the enemy commander intowithdrawing with a stolen elvis lp collection. 167. i was not recruited by star league for anyreason. 168. i was also not recruited by 12 dwarves anda wizard to rob a dragon. 169. i am neither the pagan god nor goddess offertility. 170.
i cannot name my character xagyg or any anagramthereof. 171. my character's dying words are not allowedto be "hastur, hastur, hastur" 172. at no point can i justify spending force pointson a seduction check. 173. i am not allowed to recreate veers' marchof the at-ats on zhentil keep. 174. there is no use of shatner's spoken word albumthat doesn't require a humanity check.
175. i am not directly descended from either hueylewis or any member of the news. 176. i cannot make called shots to the plectrum,anvil, stirrup, hammer or isle of langerhans. 177. stinking cloud is a privilege, not a right. 178. there are no profanities in celestial. 179.
chummer means he is my friend, not that sharksfind him tasty. 180. i have neither the touch nor the power. 181. i cannot quote shakespeare in crinos. 182. no figuring out the plot and killing the actualvillain five minutes into the adventure. 183. there are no rules for cooking corn dogs inany d20 supplement.
184. a starting character has no need for 100gpworth of hemp rope. 185. my bard does not need roadies for a dungeoncrawl. 186. no cutting line to be a god. 187. i cannot gain more than three drama die persession for making the gm pee. 188.
i cannot play a elf with a scottish accent,nor a cajun dwarf. 189. tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason tokill the character at creation. 190. duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden. 191. my character is not related in anyway to bobafett. this goes double for star wars characters. 192.
if the gun is best fired using the artilleryskill, my character is not allowed to have it. 193. not allowed to kill vampires with seismiccharges. 194. when the other guy picks swords for the choiceof weapons, that does not leave me pistols. 195. i cannot use a silent feat enabled power wordstun and blame it on the dog. 196.
i cannot name a character anything that ican't say politely in another country. 197. my epic level character cannot take on theminor goblin menace to his country just to stay sharp. 198. not allowed to steal my own soul. 199. my third wish cannot be 'i wish you wouldn'tgrant this wish' 200.
i cannot name my character cliche canon charactersfrom other systems. 201. my thief is prohibited from speaking solelyin cant. 202. character descriptions cannot contain twoof the following words: slavic, tonedeaf, karaoke, musician. 203. my superhero's strength is not classifiedas snazzy, neato or bodacious. 204.
i am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy forthe elf, so sexy myself. 205. my 3rd ed. red wizard is not allowed to start a businessnamed thay co. 206. i cannot forge a 1 sword of brad's min/maxedpaladin/monk slaying. 207. the following weapons are not legal choicesin a duel: steamroller, nerve gas, landmine, midget.
208. i cannot whine about the crappy selectionof magical bec de corbins. 209. my paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face. 210. my antipaladin's heraldry is not mr. yuk.211. if at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerismsof macho man randy savage, he dies. 212. if the party always starts the adventure ina tavern, i cannot opt to start in a brothel.
213. i am not the patron saint of common sense. 214. there is no prestige class drizzt slayer. 215. they do not make heavy weapons in pump action. 216. there is an upper limit to the number of bozoboostergangers i can get in a volkswagon. 217.
if the weapon is capable of staking vampireshiding behind engine blocks, i can't have 218. no matter my alignment, organizing halflingpit fights is a violation. 219. in formal introductions to royalty, i mustnot introduce my companions as just "the other guys". 220. i am not the master of the low blow or thegang up. 221.
if i get that yugo up to 120mph again, that'sgonna get some paradox. 222. druids are not against my religion. 223. i cannot convince the solo he has a cortexbomb when he really doesn't. 224. i cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy,even though you never hear about a half gnome do you? 225.
i am forbidden from monologuing. 226. troll bubblegum...bad idea. 227. my last wish cannot be "i wish we were playinganother game." 228. i cannot use my time machine to hire hitlera hooker in 1920, thus avoiding ww2. 229. not allowed to spontaneously check if theelf can take a punch.
230. there is no such thing as monofilament toothfloss. 231. i am not allowed to do anything that wouldmake a sith lord cry. 232. it is not possible to recreate any scene fromdr. who in crinos. 233. if i am the medtech it is generally assumedi am going to have skill in medicine. 234.
my character does not get d34 hp a level. 235. my samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate. plural, as in more than one, two more thannone. 236. my character has no need for 24,000 cartonsof cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage. 237. not allowed to use more than 3 words per gamethat the gm has to look up the definition.
238. my bard cannot play or has ever heard of thetheremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica. 239. my rockerboy cannot play or has ever heardof the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica. 240. any character with more than three skillsspecializing in chainsaw is vetoed. 241. cannot use the jedi mind trick to get outof a speeding ticket. 242.
not allowed to give quicklings mountain dew.243. cannot cast haste on the king during a longwinded speech to get him to hurry the hell up. 244. not allowed to taunt the rest of the partyin 8 different languages because they forgot to take any. 245. not allowed to attend any opera whose namethe gm confuses with a strip joint. 246.
i cannot keep selling that creepy guy's alwaysnaked elf chick to nomads every chance i get. 247. if the king rewards me with a forest, i amto assume he intends for me to keep it a forest. 248. there is no halfling god of groin shots. 249. if a black op requires me to impersonate anemployee, i cannot bill the target for overtime. 250. superfluous man is not a viable superheroconcept.
251. i am not the boogie-woogie bugle boy of gundamwing z. 252. i can not order the druid to transform androll out. 253. if the other party members forget to takeany food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death. 254. i cannot blow 5 paradox in: a police lineup, the candy aisle of krogers, the miss america
pageant. 255. i cannot create a superhero that can palmthe moon. 256. the following cleric domains do not exist:wet t-shirts, atheism, keggers 257. i cannot wish nobody else gets wishes. 258. there is no such thing as skyclad armor 5259.
my highlander's name cannot be mchammer. 260. gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled. 261. the barbarian's name does not translate into"screams like little sissy girl" in my language. 262. when the gm forces the plot, i cannot makechoo-choo noises. 263. not allowed to attempt to kill the hutt bypouring salt on him.
264. i cannot use the time machine to go to ancientgreece where all the women were leather clad, oiled down with big bosoms. 265. it assumed my mechwarrior knows at least whatone of the buttons in his cockpit does. 266. at the end of a black-ops, i cannot crankcall c-swat on the target's phone. 267. i cannot yell "freebird" every time the bardmakes a perform roll.
268. mr. welch is not allowed to speak in 3rd person. 269. my character cannot hear the soundtrack. 270. i cannot derail the adventure for a two hourin character discussion on the qualities of rope. 271. tracheotomies are best left to characterswith skills in medicine.
272. no skill allows specializing in defenestration. 273. no matter how smart i make my animal companion,he still can't take the tax accountant skill. 274. i cannot commune with the gods during peakhours. 275. i must remember at dinner time rock is nota dwarven delicacy. 276.
i must remember at dinner time log is notan elven delicacy. 277. my half-ogre cannot surprise the halflingswith spontaneous games of dodgeball. 278. anything the dm has to ponder the full impactof for more than a minute is forbidden. 279. i cannot base any elf off of any british primeminister. 280. thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist inany genre except paranoia.
281. i cannot get emotionally attached to any genericnondescript unnamed npc. 282. even if laughter is the best medicine, itstill doesn't restore any of my hp. 283. i have been assured with total certainty ralphis not a japanese name. 284. when the co asks for volunteers, i can't helpothers make a decision. 285.
i am not from margaritaville, and even ifi was, that doesn't excuse the hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection. 286. no character of mine can start with 400 previousconvictions for any misdemeanor. 287. when asked for advice before a fight "don'twet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for. 288. i cannot name my character after another pcalready in this game.
289. my character does not have the flaw addiction:helium. 290. i cannot figure that the dungeon we're inis the pac-man maze and point it out to the rest of the party. 291. i cannot form a huddle to discuss strategybefore facing the final monster in the dungeon. 292. i cannot take all the monsters i've killedto the taxidermist after the adventure.
293. clowns shoes have no place in a dungeon crawl. 294. my dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise,my elf is not agoraphobic. 295. when my enemy blinks does not give me an attackof opportunity. 296. i cannot make called shots with a crew servedweapon. 297.
i cannot hand out artillery flares to thebad guys on new years and tell them they are roman candles. 298. sprechen sie bang-bang? is not real german. 299. i do not get any xp for anyone i kill by stampedingsheep. 300. i cannot give the rebel operatives the codenamesluke, han, chewie or yoda. 301.
"well hung" is not a physical, social or mentaltrait. 302. a gimp suit does not count as leather armor. 303. i cannot gradually describe my character moreand more until it's obvious i'm describing burt reynolds. 304. my life long nemesis is not allowed to bethe unsuspecting cleric sitting across the table from me.
305. anything my character does that ends up aserrata i am retroactively prohibited from doing. 306. chaotic evil dieties do not have hymnals. 307. even if he can use them from the start, mybarbarian can't specialize in fencing weapons. 308. a mao suit is not proper garb for my shugenja.
309. i cannot cast invisibility on random householditems like car keys, tea sets and bear traps. 310. i cannot spend all my points on just followers. 311. even if the rules allow it, i cannot startthe game as pope. 312. i am not the son, father, husband, exroommate,former professor or retired garbageman of the villain.
313. my british superspy does not get a rerollon his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off. 314. under 'religion' i cannot put 'xenu'. 315. my gnome cannot save point on the ride skillsimply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere. 316. my character is not allowed to commit suicidefive minutes into the campaign.
317. my battlecry is not 'now young skywalker youwill die'. 318. vampiric cows are not the fast food innovationof the future. 319. my character does not have the flaw: darksecret- i'm kilroy. 320. the sultan does not want a treasure bath. 321.
the monk's official title is brother of thelotus path. not the slap happy jappy. 322. my bard knows more songs than just "i sawyour mommy" 323. i cannot start the game with a highly contagiousdeadly disease. 324. i cannot start the game pregnant. 325.
even if he was a paragon of humanity in hisalternate dimension, good hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept. 326. cannot accumulate 200 points of flaws forhackmaster. 327. i am not allowed to decide which one of usis the chosen one. 328. i cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate justbecause it's the coolest setting. 329.
not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removingthe hinges on the door. 330. the halfling paladin does not represent thelollipop guild. 331. i cannot invoke consecrate weapon on a manof war 332. i cannot spend character points to buy imaginaryfriends. 333. i cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hellthat means.
334. pinball is not a specialization for wizards. 335. when installing cyberware, can't install theclapper as a built in feature. 336. cannot start a cthuhlu character with a pre-existinghatred of books, altars and cutlery. 337. even if the rules allow it, i cannot control20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha. 338.
any character named el robotico jiraffe defuego is begging to be vetoed. 339. can't avoid going on an epic quest with theexcuse "can't find a sitter" 340. i cannot start the game married to anotherpc without their consent. 341. not allowed to declare myself a free agentand take offer from other adventuring parties. 342. after the first adventure i cannot write atell all book about the party.
343. i must remember royalty do not share the samelove of parody as my bard. 344. no matter how much i make my iq roll by, ican't make the other guy's head explode. 345. i don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either. 346. i most certainly don't have weapon proficiencyin a phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
347. if i'm not the decker, i can't do anythingi saw in tron once. 348. the rest of the party appreciates it if idon't start the game in cyberpsychosis. 349. power word: beer me is not a real spell. 350. i am not allowed to buzz anything. 351.
i cannot take skill profession: ecdysiast352. when i choose my wizard's familar, belgiansare not a legal choice. 353. i cannot pick a destroid that makes the veritechpilots feel inadequate. 354. tricking the party into killing each otheroff and then turning in their corpses for the bounty is frowned upon. 355. my monk's battlecry is not "round 1: fight!"
356. no matter how well i roll, the quack skillis not a substitute for the doctor skill. 357. i cannot disassemble a car in under 5 minutes. 358. even if the rules allow it, i cannot makea character that gets double xp per game for showing up. 359. killing quicklings with marbles only worksonce.
360. i must remind the gm that my blessed can raisedead before he runs another murder mystery again. 361. it is not feasible for my archer to recreatehudson's last stand. 362. it is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf,half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad. 363.
when challenged to a showdown, i'm meant toface him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a sharpe's big .50. 364. i am to avoid killing, upstaging or seducinghistorical characters. 365. not allowed to setup the main villain withthe mad scientist's sister. 366. female minotaurs do not have udders. this issue is closed.
367. no using excessive firepower to force theplot along. 368. my teleporter cannot stop the alien invasionwith just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid. 369. not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsychoby disassembling him earlier in the adventure. 370. what happens in sigil does not always stayin sigil.
371. no thinking up new, creative and fun usesfor cursed items. 372. cannot start the game blitzed, especiallyif i was stone sober at the last game break. 373. it is bad form for the queen to see my nipples. 374. i am not to combine the advantage fearlessand the disadvantage curious in the same character 375.
killing the building does not add to my bodycount. 376. the barbarian must remember that 'human shield'is a figure of speech. 377. my character is required to have a minimumwisdom of 10, that way i have no excuses. 378. i can cannot give my character the moniker"tim the barbarian". especially since he's the bard. 379.
i am to stop asking the elf to put a goodword in for me with santa. 380. i cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convicethe fighter his new sword is a magical talking one. 381. min/max for combat=good. min/max for accounting=bad. 382. i can't bet the power gamer he can't solothe module.
383. it is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to killtwo sentries. 384. the titles "viking" and "obstretrician" aremutually exclusive. 385. all characters will use the bathroom beforethe dungeon crawl. 386. the following words are not legal for thecommand spell: prognosticate, theorize, notarize. 387.
i cannot give magic items super easy commandswords like 'is' or 'the' and activate when you say them. 388. pursue means chase after, not just make calledshots to the knees. 389. my samurai is not required to commit seppukuif he fails to hit the monster. 390. my character's background must be more indepththan a montage of queen lyrics. 391.
a starting paladin has no conceivable usefor industrial lubricant. 392. i am forbidden to see whether halflings orgnomes bounce higher. 393. if i can fit my head down the gun's barrel,i can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option. 394. if the light spell expires, no lighting thedwarf. 395.
i cannot have any weapon that requires meto crank start it first. 396. i will refrain from using wildly inaccuratehigh explosive weapons in close quarters. 397. i will not tell new players that 1st levelcharacters do not have a scent as a defense mechanism. 398. no matter what popular media says, harpoonsare not proper ninja weapons. 399.
when i have to pick a starting dementia, stockholmsyndrome is not appropriate. 400. check the door means to listen at it, notput several rounds through it. 401. when a virgin sacrifice is demanded i willnot look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or hermetic. 402. no matter how many people i need to feed,i will not use mdc weapons to fish. 403.
my rigger does not get a bonus if his login code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, a, b, a, b, start. 404. no subcontracting dungeon crawls. 405. i will not name my character for the powergaming campaign generic cleave path fighter #7. 406. the first rule of finnegan school is not "donot talk about finnegan school"
407. i will not blow all my starting funds on hookersand booze. 408. if i have to sacrifice my fifth dot in resourcesto afford it, i can't have that gun. 409. i will not cast darkness at the magic missile. 410. if the npc is on the cover of the rulebook,i can't kill him. 411.
it is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing. 412. i will not try to skip to the main boss dressedlike a singing telegram. 413. the chaotic neutral alignment is forever closedto me. 414. if my stats are str10 dex10 con8 int16 wis17cha15 i'd better not be the half-orc barbarian. 415. my archmage will not join a party runningkeep on the borderlands as a ringer.
416. i will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm. 417. the solution to all my problems is not crinos. 418. steel toe boots do not add to my ac.419. spankings generally will not change evil alignments. 420. "for the king" is an example of a good battlecry.
"smoke the mother" is not. 421. i will not convince the gm's noob gf to playa psychotic combat monster. 422. my marital status does not affect in anywaymy fear checks. 423. even if the rules allow it, i cannot playa duck. 424. i cannot liven up the adventure with snappymusical numbers.
even if they did it on the tv show. 425. chainsaws and butter churns filled with beesdo not use the same weapon skill. 426. thirty minutes after a massive battle againstcathayans i am not bloodthirsty again. 427. i cannot do anything i saw jackie chan doonce. even if i am in home depot at the moment. 428.
i will never create a plan that first hingeson the invention of velcro. 429. if the character isn't deaf, his only languagecannot be amslan. 430. spray paint is not a substitute for propercamouflage. 431. we will not implement any battle plan thatincludes the underlined words "and hope they miss a lot"432. cannot put anything featuring calvin on mystarfighter.
433. i will not find a peaceful solution to theadventure just to piss off the power gamer. 434. never again will i convince a player to keepa character nicknamed "stumpy mclunger" 435. no bribing the dm's new gf with chocolateso he'll go easy on us. 436. even if my cleric has the domains of wealthand healing doesn't give me the right to start an hmo.437.
from now on my highlander will refrain fromdancing the can-can. 438. the ability to afflict everyone in 150' withherpes is not an acceptable super power. 439. i will not start the game as a toddler justto rack up massive stat bonuses as i age. 440. i am forbidden from trying to merge the bestfeatures of automatic weapons and manual transmissions. 441. there is an upper limit on the number of peoplea bullet will go through.
442. when told to be subtle, playing a foul mouthedchain smoking squirrel is not a good choice. 443. zombies are not infectious in d&d. so i should stop shooting pcs in the headif they are bitten. 444. whether it's fair or not, my thief will notinsist we take turns checking for traps. 445. i will not admonish my fellow paladin with'a little less lawful, a little more good'
446. ninjas are not ablative. 447. if the npc is critical to the plot later,i cannot crit him 4 times in one round. 448. i will not attempt to unionize the brutes. 449. i will not switch to an entirely new classevery single time i level. 450.
when told to distract the villainess, theydidn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal. 451. i cannot start the campaign conjoined to anothercharacter. 452. not allowed to convince the entire party tobase the group only off gary oldman characters. 453. i will not redefine the term 'trapdoor'. 454. no staking a vampire with anything largerthan his chest cavity.
455. styrofoam is not an appropriate componentfor golems. 456. i cannot put my familiar up for stud. 457. i did not invent the wet tabard contest. 458. "when i'm in the mood" is not a valid triggerfor a contingency spell. 459.
the vampire clan with vissitude is not pronounced'karl' 460. i'd better have a real good excuse for beinga necromancer if i'm lawful good. 461. tasha's uncontrollably hideous sister is nota real spell. 462. 1st watch is not for accordion practice. 463. even if it is hip to be square, i still can'tplay a modron.
464. 2nd watch is not for starting up pick up rugbygames with wandering monsters. 465. after a successful black ops, i will not leavepaint bombs under all the boardroom's seat cushions. 466. 3rd watch is not clothing optional. 467. there is no 'accidentally' slipping a smiteevil into a pillow fight.
468. if the party wakes to find a chariot upsidedown in a fountain, i'd better not be the prime, usual or only suspect. 469. if i wake up to find black cloaked figuresin my room, i will not immediately point them to the halflings' room. 470. sarcasm is wasted on imperial stormtroopers. 471.
i am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish. 472. when my cleric is told to "buff the elf",i know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way. 473. no matter the cr of the monster, no nakedpookie dances upon victory. 474. black and decker does not make prosthetics. 475.
can't trick the rest of the party into babysittingmy kids. 476. the alignment of 2 years olds is not automaticallyneutral evil. 477. i cannot spay the vargyr. 478. castillians do not always end their sentenceswith the word 'ariba!" 479. as a matter of fact, dwarven battlegarb inno way resembles angus young's stage costume.
480. i will not address fauner posen with 'jawohlmein liebenaffe' 481. i am forbidden from doing anything that endswith a snarf, rimshot or spit take. 482. no uploading porn to my co's hud. 483. no downloading porn from my co's hud. 484.
if the word 'mullet' appears anywhere on mysamurai's character sheet, he's vetoed. 485. my mossad agent's battlecry is not "torah,torah, torah" 486. no how tough the encounter was, i will keepthe congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum. 487. halfing mating rituals do not include beercan crushing, power belching, or lynyrd skynyrd trivia. 488.
if i have to pull out of the dungeon becausei'm low on hp, no filing workman's comp. 489. no making up any strange hobbies just to getout of taking watch. 490. quoting bob dobbs while charging into battleis unusual. quoting bob newhart is right out. quoting bob dylan is just silly. 491. if my faith is 4 and your faith is 2, thatdoesn't mean jesus loves me twice as much.
492. beer boy is not an acceptable hireling forthe dungeon crawl. 493. i will not base any media character off milobloom. 494. i will not use a time machine to invade germanyon september 2, 1939 by surprise, securing dutch domination of europe. 495. no supplying my own canned applause.
496. while bardic music can increase skill rolls,bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls. 497. if somebody in the party has a wisdom or intelligencelower than 8, i am forbidden from talking to them. 498. a firefight is not the best time to tell theparty my medtech has a fear of blood. 499. no inventing the minefield.
500. my superhero will not spend points to flyjust because he's too lazy to walk. 501. even if playing a game allowing animal characters,tai chihuahua is not a good concept. 502. if my name isn't grimlock, can't start everysentence with "me grimlock" 503. dwarves do not get beard cancer. 504.
if the party is to frequently meet with queenvictoria, i cannot play a texan. 505. my warrior cleric will not pick his deitysolely on the god's bab. 506. mjy vjikjing skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjieswjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet. 507. my character cannot give another characterthe alcoholic disadvantage during play. 508. i will not tell the noobie to roll his thaco.
509. i will not base my superpowers off of christ. even if my character is nothing like him. 510. after a bloody battle, i will not celebrateby lying down and making carnage angels. 511. when gm demands to know what my characteris doing, it better not be "the charleston" 512. the nationality of my favorite soccer teamdoes not add to my brawl skill.
513. trying to rip the face off the villain willnot get the scooby-doo ending. 514. no giving my roman gladiator the short disadvantageand naming him minimus. 515. i am not the lord of rodly might. 516. not allowed to name my characters grimlock. 517.
i cannot make called shots to their self esteem. 518. affirmative action does not require me toplay a drow. 519. dual wielding party members is also frownedupon. 520. under no circumstances is my medical droidallowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer. 521. i will not convince the entire party to playamish for the cyberpunk campaign.
522. not allowed to parry at the wrist. 523. when i'm rescued the correct response is 'thankyou' not 'took your freaking time!' 524. i will not ask my gun for advice. 525. running a non-stop rocky horror fest for stakedvampires is outside the budget for most samedi. 526.
if an npc is known as the "one" i cannot volunteerto be the "two". 527. even if the rules allow it, i cannot spend$64,000 to get the vorpal option for a forklift. 528. i cannot buy every single advantage duringcharacter creation. 529. my character is not from duncan, idaho. 530. i cannot earn bonus xp for 'catching air'with an mbt.
so stop trying. 531. no making up gnomish subraces. 532. despite being a staple of comic books everywhere,i cannot teleport objects in front of naked people. 533. i cannot increase my comeliness by growinga pornstache. 534.
when i level up, i just can't copy the guynext to me's choices. 535. i cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by openinga rival dungeon and hiring away all his guards. 536. if a powergamer joins our crew, i will notbillet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock. 537. the cause disease spell cannot inflict nitrogennarcosis. 538.
even if i spend the points, i cannot startmarried to any of the x-men. 539. defensive perimeter traps my character setsup are automatically party knowledge. 540. a full minute of stunned silence means "mygod what did you do?" not "please continue." 541. when prompted for a target by the guided missile"the naughty bits" is not a valid choice. 542.
no, i do not have time to carve that mountainin the shape of anything. 543. there is more to buying rations than ramen,spam and beer. 544. i will not cast gate to bind an infernal creatureof power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn. 545. no going 100% tracer round on the hmg justbecause i like the pretty colors. 546.
dead party members, while effective, are notappropriate anti-grenade measures. 547. perform skill does not apply to the following:performance art, spoken word, or fan dances. 548. i cannot have a "what would ao do?" bracelet. 549. it is not physically possible to cook offan accordion. 550.
dwarves can indeed tell the difference betweentheir genders. 551. cannot install lojack on the dragonkin. 552. if my character's drow wife finds i let myniece appear in a gnomes gone wild video, my death will not even warrant a saving throw. 553. no matter how well i make my disguise check,my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of rush.
554. even though armor gives him no benefit, mymonk still has to wear something. 555. i will stop snickering every time the monkannounces he's touching someone with his quivering palm. 556. even though i'm the ranger, i can't stalkthe elf babe. 557. if they get a bonus to spot my gun with ageiger counter, i can't have it.
558. there is not a 'take your daughter to workday' for adventurers. 559. even if the ranger offers his sword, the elfhis bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion. 560. can't hire a sentient black pudding to bethe ship's janitor. 561. i can't play a deep gnome just to make therest of the party have to pronounce svirfneblin.
562. "pass without trace" doesn't work on bad checks. 563. i can't make anyone jewish with a called shot. 564. the lutherans don't have an inquisition. 565. my vampire hunter can't have anything he sawon an infomercial at 3am on pbs. 566.
when confronted with a haunted house withbleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank. 567. i cannot consult my lawyer before making mywish. 568. my first wish cannot be "i wish you grantall my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'569. all 3 of my wishes cannot involve alpacas. 570.
the dm does not want to know how my humanfighter is triple wielding scimitars. 571. i will not secretly maze the wizard's familiar,druid's companion or paladin's mount just for a laugh. 572. even if the rules say otherwise, i cannotcarry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties. 573. improved evasion does not work against savevs. dm.
574. "get dressed quickly in the dark" is not anadvantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk or merit. 575. even if i'm a near immortal demi-god withthe power to create entire worlds with a thought, still bad to throw a party when dad's awaywithout permission. 576. i can't use my sneak attack opportunity tocop a feel. 577.
no matter how stupid the pc's comment, itdoesn't provide an attack of opportunity. 578. rectomancy is not a school of magic. 579. "pimp my death star" is not a real show, andi'd better believe grand moff tarkin knows this. 580. a sledgehammer does not give any bonus tomy search for secret doors roll. 581.
no filling the paladin's stocking with coalon christmas to make him wonder what he's got to atone for. 582. i can't thwart the rebel alliance's attackwith the newly invented manhole cover. 583. can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantlysummoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned. 584. on second thought, a minotaur architect isa really bad idea.
585. no using psychic powers before the adventureto figure out who to take life insurance out on. 586. cannot spend extra money to get the optional"flay" setting for my pistol. 587. no taunting the 1st level magic user with"mighty bold talk for a guy with only 4hp." 588. paladins are immune to stds, but if i takeadvantage of this ability, i lose it.
wonderful paradox, isn't it? 589. if my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it'svetoed if that's the richter scale. 590. i can't convince the rival party our q-shipis just named that because it's piloted by john delancie. 591. defibrillators do not allow me the use ofthe cleave feat. 592.
no matter how well i roll, other pcs cannotbe haggled into paying me to perform errands for me. 593. tensor's herniated disc is not a real spell. 594. true to fluff or not, my berserker cannottake the beekeeping skill. 595. i cannot pick a race with a prehensile anything. 596.
no dual wielding whips until i at least haveproficiency with them. 597. the party does not need to know about thetime i woke up duct taped to the back of a drow matron mother. 598. any adventure that ends up with my characterbeing worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. retroactively if need be. 599. cannot start the new adventure with me tryingto run down who ever didn't show up for the
last adventure. 600. even if i'm a wizard, i still can't applyembarrassing tattoos to the npc. 601. if we run out of cannonballs armadillos willnot do in a pinch. 602. find familiar scrolls are not a substitutefor the hunting skill. 603. i cannot have any gun mentioned in the genevaconvention by name.
604. if my alignment forbids torture, that includesgnomish poetry slams. 605. even if this an adventuring party, i can'tshow up to the adventure drunk and wearing only a toga, lampshade and half elf stripper. 606. if my power is super growth, that includesmy skin. 607. a n-scale tuba player is not an appropriateminiature for my gnome bard.
608. the answer to 'who's got point?' is not thefireball. 609. no diety will let me use my nipples as holysymbols. 610. i cannot name my character dwead piwate woberts. 611. no initiating social challenges based onlyon the color of the werewolf's shoes. 612.
every time a pc takes himself out throughhis own stupidity does not let me sing the oompa-loompa song. 613. i can't have a magic item i can't requestwith a straight face. 614. my superhero tank must be height/weight proportionate. 615. one close call with a mimic does not giveme the right to attack every door i come across. 616.
even if they are the same cliched acid forblood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder. 617. the forehead is not an appropriate place fora kill count holo-tattoo. 618. no matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsawis not a substitute for a bayonet. 619. no matter what the dice say, i can't killa 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
620. my blessed does not have the hindrance ailin':stigmata. 621. no offering the old man and the farm kid abetter rate to alderaan. 622. paladins make poor vikings. and vice versa. 623. even if the rules allow it, i cannot playa dire gummi bear.
624. when asked what my character is doing, ithad better not be the vitakinetic. 625. i must remember before the next time i shaveoff the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been startedthat way. 626. dwarves are not proper substitutes for pufferfish. 627. the gm decides if my character dies from astroke, not me.
628. i can't use audible glamour to trick the clericinto building an ark. 629. just because they are all into rock, metaland axes, dwarves are not all headbangers. 630. replacing the solo's bullets with blanks sohe comes in dead last in bodycount isn't funny. 631. medicine cabinets are not the best place tostash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty. 632.
when asked to tutor someone on his defensetrait, can't keep punching him until he get 633. when told to choose my weapon in a duel withthe assassin, can't pick his weapon. 634. cannot recreate any scene in 2001: space odysseyinvolving women's lingerie. 635. arguments cannot end with the statement 'alright,we'll settle this like penguins!' 636. recon means tell them what i saw, not slaughterall the monsters without them.
637. german characters do not gets 4 racial bonusto intimidate french characters. 638. the dm is not impressed by me spoiling hiswell planned ambush by just casting glassee on the door. 639. before hiding with all the werewolves to ambushthe settite, make sure he didn't leave the larp 4 hours ago. 640.
even if he loves me too, chitti-chitti-bang-bangis not an appropriate choice for the romance background. 641. casual attire does not include shoulder holsters. 642. my character's grandma was not, is not andwill never be a contract killer. 643. even if the rules allow it, i can't gain 1,000,000xp with one forged check. 644.
no matter how much mousse i use, my hair willnever have damage resistance. 645. my matter how high my faith skill, still can'ttake god as an ally. 646. if the game store owner goes into vapor lock,the adventure is over. 647. any answer to a question involving the words'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no. 648.
can't marry off another pc more than halfa dozen times. 649. zero bodycount does not mean just the onesthey can find. 650. gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trickmore than once. 651. my alignment is not sarcastic good. 652. my fighter cannot take the flaw: addiction-stabbing things.
653. cannot wish for the party to have common sense. even the wish spell has its limits. 654. if the party goes into my room and finds adeva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me. 655. when asked my position in the party, it'snot 'whatever's closest to bangkok.' 656.
a crayon is typically going to cause a penaltyto my forgery skill. 657. can't put a glass bottom on my tank to i cansee the looks on their faces. 658. changing sexes is restricted to male or female. 659. quoting ministry lyrics is not sop for thegladius dei. 660. walmart is not my one stop shopping placefor hunting vampires.
661. the line on my character sheet for 'sex' isnot for keeping score. 662. my paladin will stop referring to her detectevil power as evildar. 663. even if i just rolled 832d6 for damage, stillcan't get a bonus to my intimidate check. 664. unlike real life, i don't gain the whirlwindattack to smack all my backtalking children. 665.
my ww2 era mad scientist will pick a new targetfor his project other than manhattan. 666. when offered a dracheneisen item of my choice,can't pick nunchucks. 667. no matter what the dice say, can't decapitatean aberrant with a straight razor. 668. at-st soccer games are strictly against imperialarmy protocols. 669. cannot name boba fett as a godparent to anyof my children.
670. while i'm fixing the x-wing, the brash pilotis still miffed about the y-wing loaner. 671. house kurita mechwarriors do not appreciateposters of godzilla taped over their optical sensors. 672. teleport without pants is not a real spell. 673. it's not necessary to install a portcullisin every single room of my castle.
674. when deciding what to do with the ancientalien artifacts we discovered, ebay is not an option. 675. even if the rules allow it, i can't take theidentical twin advantage 22 times. 676. my character's primary purpose in the partyis not to just leech 1/6 of all the xp. 677. elves do not have the racial trait: no gagreflex.
678. distract the bad guy does not mean with arecreation of the apollo landing. 679. i do not have time in the black ops for breakdancing, greco-roman wrestling or phone sex. 680. my axe doesn't go off accidentally when i'mcleaning it. 681. even if he is a total blast, can't channelbaron samedi at a coming out ball. 682.
can't make a called shot with a flamethrower. 683. after finishing the cliched "new boss is villain"adventure, can't file for unemployment. 684. my mummy can't take out multiple life insurancepolicies on himself and name himself the prime beneficiary. 685. the game of chicken does not involve the polymorphspell. 686.
my vampire hunter does not take the "un" outof "undead" 687. i cannot backstab anybody with a buick skylark. 688. even if the rules allow it, my paladin cannothave the flaw: hatred- all living things. 689. the combat feats i can use with a batteringram are extremely restricted. 690. mordenkainen's dysfunctional family is nota real spell.
691. no matter what the kids say, animated balloonanimals is a poor use of the create golem feat. 692. the dr. jones school of swordfighting is notan appropriate swordsman's school. 693. there is no conspiracy to write out the gnome'scontribution to the fellowship of the ring. 694. search the old castle means enter it, notlevel it with artillery and dig through the
rubble. 695. buying the elf babe a trampoline and tellingher it boosts her dexterity isn't fooling anybody. 696. any plan involving strapping puppies to myarmor is vetoed. 697. no "accidentally" crosswiring the x-wing'sfire control and ejection seat switches. 698.
during the black ops no accessing the target'shr files and getting babes' phone numbers. 699. fed ex does not deliver to the keep on theborderlands. 700. not allowed to use basic economics to crashthe evil empire's economy by spending all my swag there at once. 701. cannot take the moniker "the hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist"702. the banana of disarming is not a real magicitem.
703. cannot sharpen ioun stones for increased headbuttdamage. 704. no using my hideously low charisma to getthe villain to do the opposite of what i suggest. 705. need to stop using my reality altering abilityto make every day mardi gras. 706. cannot base my barbarian after wink martindale. 707.
a throat punch does not give a bonus in acontested philosophy check. 708. my paladin mini is vetoed if it's obviouslyprivate drake from aliens. 709. any plan is vetoed if it was obviously inspiredby boromir. 710. my info gathering mission must include infothat wasn't obviously obtained in a brothel. 711. if almost all the words in my character'sbackground start with the same letter, he's
vetoed. 712. when told to leave a trail for the rest ofthe party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts. 713. even if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleshipwith a stapler. 714. i do not get a bulk discount on ninjas. 715.
even if the rules allow it, i can't inventthe strip joint. 716. i cannot play a race the gm can't pronounce. 717. i cannot start the game in post-apocalypticpoland driving a porsche. 718. warnings given retroactively in battle aren'tappreciated. 719. a fluffy tail does not add to my comlinessif i'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.
720. don't have to include the line "and then stabthem a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed. 721. even if my super power is invisibility, stillhave to provide a model for my character. 722. can't intentionally fail all my secret doorchecks so i don't have to play tomb of horrors 723. if my character is related to a god, it can'tbe as a parent. 724.
the time machine is not for finishing my setof disciple autographs. 725. no, there is not a mr. of arc. no, i still can't hit on her. 726. my black ops experience does not include pantyraids and beer runs. 727. cannot singlehandedly make starfleet academythe #1 party school in the alpha quadrant. 728.
not legal to retroactively challenge anyonei just shot to a duel. 729. cannot take the flaw obsession: elf chick'slingerie. 730. no part of the plan includes: you give methe idol, i give you the whip. 731. no matter how many called shots to the necki make, i'm still not going to cause a cool pyrotechnics display. 732.
not allowed to trade in my x-wing for a gunstar. 733. cannot make a plan that hinges on the villainfirst being allergic to peanuts. 734. my character's background cannot be a wikipediabiography with "falco" crossed off and my character's name written in. 735. adding hydrolics to my r2 unit does not givehim an intimidate bonus. 736.
no taking the party to kara-tur just becausemy character has a thing for asian chicks. 737. will not color code everything on the shipjust to piss off the vargyr. 738. though highly educational, no more slippingthe anti-paladin sodium pentathal. 739. can't make the blacks ops super easy by sendinga couple of strippers to the guardroom first. 740. not allowed to give my character a name froma bushman click language.
741. not possible to tap a keg for mana. 742. apparently chaotic angry and neutral hungryaren't real alignments either. 743. even if the rules allow it, can't takes outan mbt with a shotgun loaded with slug. 744. my second wish can't be for a new, more openminded genie to grant my remaining wishes. 745.
can't wish i was the gm. 746. no making up holidays for my cleric. 747. can't just walk the obstacle course, eventhough i beat everybody who tried to run it. 748. holding a pillow over a sleeping person'sface is not a gnomish expression of affection. 749. there is not a spent clip fairy.
750. a bag of holding is a bad place to stash beartraps, badgers or crushed glass. 751. if the party has to pose as classical germancomposers, i will not declare "i'll be bach" 752. cannot take the spetum as my favorite weaponjust because it sounds dirty. 753. no encouraging swedish accents. 754.
even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance,still can't pick up the bank and walk away with it. 755. there is a reason no game has pasties in it'sstarting equipment list. 756. the power armor skill does not have a cascadeskill dance. 757. i will not build a character with a skillfrom every single expansion book. 758.
not allowed to take a toad for a familiarjust for it's pharmaceutical properties. 759. restricted to one blue chip for humor pergame. 760. can't use the time machine to rename famoushistorical discoveries after myself. 761. not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring. 762. fighter can't put points in perform just sohe can hammer dance after each fatal critical
hit. 763. no slipping the juicer ritalin. 764. in the middle of a chase in a commandeeredcar can't spend an action to change the radio presets. 765. can't parry with a called shot to the face. 766.
no more crazy ivans while i'm driving theat-at. 767. when challenged to a high noon shoot-out,that means in the time zone i'm currently in. 768. burning my bard song on cd and putting iton repeat does not mean the effect never ends. 769. before turning undead, make sure the assassindidn't take the vampire template. 770.
my mythos investigator doesn't talk in hissleep. 771. mashed potatoes do not add to my damage resistance. 772. not allowed to base a paladin off lee marvin. 773. my great axe priviledges can be taken away. 774. if i've leveled up 5 times to the dragonkin's0, that doesn't mean i'm lapping him.
775. my investigator's motto is not "99% mythoslore, 1% sanity- don't push me" 776. even if it was obviously in self defense,my character is not allowed to kill george takei. 777. tai kwan doberman is not a real martial art. 778. it is not possible to bioengineer a kosherpig.
779. even if we are in ravenloft, paladin can'tgo up ten levels in one night. 780. when told i have to join the rpga to playin a game, can't sign the membership card "d. duck." 781. my tribe's trial by combat ritual is not bestdescribed as "calvinball with axes" 782. my paladin's job is not to enforce happiness.
783. the following are also not acceptable ironclawcharacters: mortal wombat, dalai llama, boom orangutan. 784. monks do not make 3 stooges sounds in combat. 785. even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20guys in one round with a musket. 786. no i cannot keep the drow priestess we justfound as a pet.
787. "start a career in modeling" is not an appropriateuse of the suggestion spell. 788. "you take the scary one" is not our defaultbattle strategy. 789. even if it's for his own safety, can't secretlyremove the firing pins from the powergamer's guns. 790. if i have access to warm water, i don't takewatch unsupervised.
791. not allowed to give any birthday gift to achild that immediately earns me a dark side point. 792. despite the movie's claims, wookies get noracial bonus for chess. 793. when building a superhero, can't spend halfhis points on radar sense and the other half on cooking. 794.
pregen characters do not have cutesy nicknames,even if their real names are pretty lame. 795. improved evasion is not solid proof "duckand cover" works. 796. in the middle of the black ops can't locka bunch of long haired molting cats into the ceo's office. 797. if in the middle of our dressing down ourco strokes out, we took the joke too far. 798.
not allowed to use guppies as buckshot. 799. can't hunt drow with a spotlight and 30.06. 800. the default response to a social challengein any game is not to just shoot them. 801. we do not settle disputes in paper-rock-scissorswith games of vampire. 802. fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidatethe monster.
803. if my personal carried firepower exceeds thatof the battleship texas, there's a problem. 804. i cannot take the dementia: obsession countingthings if i'm not a malkavian. 805. on second thought, i can't take it even ifi am a malkavian. 806. my character cannot have a noticeable impact,positive or negative, on a town's population. 807.
large dice are for rolling. not sound effects. 808. covering fire does not include nuclear weapons. 809. i don't earn the bonus xp for a written backgroundif it's just a summary of the plot to dig-dug. 810. while the party is off searching for secretdoors, can't position the slain orcs in compromising positions.
811. in the middle of a black ops can't reprogramthe cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight. 812. i don't have to take a lower level bard adventuringas my opening act. 813. taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophyis acceptable. not as a hand puppet. 814.
sending the villain a nymph stripper onlyworks once. 815. somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on twodozen shanks. 816. the adventure wrap up is the epilogue. not miller time. 817. cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. to the death.
818. augment their psi means their mental powers,not their air pressure. 819. taking each class as i level in alphabeticalorder is forbidden. 820. even if the rules allow it, my paladin can'tserve the god of obituaries. 821. my sorcerer will not take a level in druidjust to make it easier to get to the flammable stuff.
822. if everybody in the room is in black leather,we're in the thieves' guild. not a fetish club. 823. even if infinitely useful, absolute powerover elastics is not an appropriate super power. 824. the back up trap handler is not the guy withthe lowest int. 825.
i cannot have bracers of brachiation untili tell the dm what brachiation really means. 826. elves do not respond to chainsaws the sameways dogs react to vacuum cleaners. 827. my battlemech does not play dixie every timei hit the jump jets. 828. even if the mages critically fumbles his stealthcheck, can't threaten to bleed him slow. 829. despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrustdoes not cause sanity loss.
830. even if we are in sweden, i can't use oneblanket seduction check on the entire crowd. 831. i didn't 'accidentally' forget to buy anyskills. 832. i will not run up my bar tab and then skipout leaving the dm's super npc to foot the bill. 833. overrunning a larger army is not a gloriousvictory if it happened at 3am and they were
still in bed. 834. i will stop reminding elminster he's not ascool as merlin, gandalf or that shapechanging wizard from krull. 835. i cannot lure out the psycho killer into anambush by having sex with another character. 836. no paraphrasing the party leader's elaborateplan as 'pick somebody you don't like and let them know it.'
837. even if the rules allow it, i can't take the1st armored division as an ally. 838. doesn't matter how high my influence is; istill can't make carmen miranda hats part of the unit's dress code. 839. in the middle of a black ops no insertinga memo into the target's computer mandating 'clothing optional mondays'. 840.
even if it would have immediately solved thelast six adventures, i won't throw dynamite in every well i come across. 841. no more tricking rookies into putting whoopiecushions on lord vader's throne. 842. when handed dieties and demigods and toldto pick a god for my druid, i will skip right by the cthulhu mythos. 843. it doesn't matter how high his hit pointsor damage reduction are, we aren't sending
the dwarf into battle via catapult. 844. as a matter of fact, jeopardy does screenfor telepaths. 845. it's not a good idea to taunt greek heroeswith "who's your daddy?" 846. doesn't matter if it's an anime style game,i don't get a bonus to hit with eyepokes. 847. polymorph mother-in-law is not a real spell.
848. the caern is not "disneyworld as if run bycoyotes" 849. the fbi tends to notice when people buy severalmiles of hamster tubing at once. 850. doesn't matter how practical, we aren't reanimatingthe dead dragon and having him haul that horde back for us. 851. when plumbing the depths of depravity, i mustremember to come up for air.
852. any superhero offensive to more than two majorreligions is vetoed. 853. even if i'm faced with yet another get offenris lupus ahroun, i will not refer to him as cliche guevara. 854. we will not take the dead dryad with us touse as kindling. 855. i will not keep reincarnating that bugbearuntil he comes back as something we can actually
eat. 856. a funeral is not a proper place for settingnew fashion trends. 857. i will not disbelieve the magic mouth beforehe gives out the important plot information. 858. even if it is hours of entertainment, can'tfeed the red talon peanut butter. 859. i will concede we're on a dungeon crawl andstop trying to talk to the monsters.
860. under religion i cannot put born again klingon. 861. i will not use undocumented zombie workersto help build my castle. 862. bigby's offensive finger is not a real spell. 863. even if there is no alignment in traveller,giving feuding tl1 tribes tl12 weapons and putting the results on ppv is just wrong.
864. my doctor's bag will contain more than justa bonesaw and a bottle of whiskey. 865. i do not put the cad in decadent, nor therave in depraved. 866. even if it's catchy, i don't have to yellmy battlecry everytime i roll to attack. 867. we can't all play bards just to relive ourfavorite spinal tap moments. 868.
i cannot have a gun with an area of affectlarger than it's range. 869. richard simmons is not an appropriate rolemodel for a get of fenris. 870. i will not use my vast personal knowledgeof dublin, texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign. 871. my halfling cannot take the flaw obsession:ring of invisibility. 872.
any gun that sets off the metal detector beforei even pass through it is vetoed. 873. i will not combine thermographic sights anda gun that can shoot through walls. it makes black ops too easy. 874. after cleaning out ravenloft, when it's myturn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle. 875. if my superhero has a healing factor, claws,combat sense and longevity, he can't take
the flaw total pacifist. 876. if i want to play a rampaging nordic warriorand get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, i can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior. 877. even if i am playing a chick, i can't spendall my starting cash on shoes. 878. rifts in the time/space continuum are notfor my personal amusement. 879.
buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity. 880. searching the dead pc for spell componentsis ok. using him for spell components is not. 881. any character that can run the 2 minute mileis vetoed. 882. i will not convince the party to name allthe characters the same thing. 883.
i do not need to see proof of insurance beforemaking a medtech roll. 884. customs doesn't care what my charisma bonusis. 885. halflings do not store food in their cheeksfor winter. 886. elves are not deciduous. 887. despite evidence to the contrary, half-elvesdo not automatically go both ways.
888. breast enhancing spells gain no benefits frommeta-magic feats. 889. i will not try to regain sanity by nailingthe reporter chick in public. 890. dwarves do not get roto-rooters as racialweapons. 891. i will not brag too loudly i'm the real reasonbehind the sinking of the titanic. 892.
cultists tend to notice if you've replacedtheir summoning ritual with jitterbug instructions. 893. invisibility is all or nothing, can't justtarget their clothes. 894. i can't just keeping buy rounds of drinksuntil everybody passes out so i can rob them. 895. i will not miss the final epic battle justbecause i crit my seduction check. 896. polish is not a sub-dialect of gnomish.
897. any action causing the powergamer to stormoff while actually appreciated is frowned upon. 898. healing people of other faiths gets a penaltyin deadlands. not serenity. 899. i will not have the architect build my castleusing a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer.
900. i will not fill the bag of holding with dirtso we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them. 901. in the middle of the black ops a diversionis not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building. 902. can't set the bad guy on fire until afteri've blown the persuasion roll. 903.
if i fail to make a bluff check, can't shoothim to change it to an intimidate check. 904. not possible to fire a gun with your teeth. 905. humming the james bond theme in the middleof a black ops doesn't give me any bonuses. 906. they make platemail in a variety of styles. crotchless is not one of them. 907.
can't use my attack bonus as a substitutefor the skill: hibachi chef. 908. i can't take telekinesis as an auxilary modejust to get free food from the snack machine. 909. dual wielding spike chains does not let meuse the battlecry "danger will robinson danger!" 910. i will not convince the entire party to playrockerboys so we can be a europe cover band. 911. can't take a level of monk just for tone.
912. droogie is not a starting language. 913. after casting my one first level spell, can'tleave the dungeon to go sleep. 914. can't bribe the biokinetic to take my drugtest for me. 915. on second thought, let's not disguise thewookies in the stormtrooper uniforms. 916.
a runic facial tattoos is acceptable for myberserker. not a betty boop. 917. have one point in every single skill in thegame doesn't count as a super power. 918. can't clean out the dungeon by renting theadjacent dungeon and being as obnoxious as possible. 919. goldfish do not get a bonus in a staredown.
920. my mech gunner can't have a nude pinup inhis cockpit. especially if it's of his pilot. 921. "but she's hot!" is not an acceptable excusefor my black ops solo dating the tabloid reporter. 922. no matter how much we look, we're not findingthe secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout. 923.
druids do not hibernate. 924. before i make my next wish i have to ask myself:"is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?" 925. any gun that can fire more rounds in one shotthan i can physically carry is vetoed. 926. if given a stock npc, i must play him as written. so jar-jar has to lose the sarape and thecigar.
927. i do not get a bulk discount at the jenny'sguild. 928. the flaw: odious personal habit- teleportsinto romantic moments is only available at the maximum penalty. 929. telekinetic redhead chick is not a real superhero. 930. even if the rules allow it, i cannot circumnavigatethe world on foot in one turn.
931. there are no alignment restrictions on becominga lawyer. 932. nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas haveto line up in a straight line to fight me. 933. if escorting a high priority target, i can'tbiosculpt the entire team to look like her. 934. nerve gas complicates fast talk rolls. 935.
cannot take the shape of any animal the gmdoesn't know. 936. 'the power of christ compels me' does notjustify my blessed's actions. 937. i cannot take life insurance out on anybodyi have for the enemy background. 938. psychotherapy doesn't eliminate the alignmentchange penalty. 939. just because i've hit name level does notautomatically give me groupies.
940. i will not abuse the exemplary virtue to setup highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds. 941. in the middle of a black ops i cannot makean educational video. 942. we do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawlfor the same reason miners need canaries. 943. i am not bjorn of borg.
944. before accepting a harem as a reward for myheroism, need to check with the wife. 945. i don't get any equipment before the gm cangoogle it. 946. if australia doesn't exist, i can't use myaustralian accent. even if i am playing a space koala. 947. i cannot bet the powergamer he can't fieldstrip the grenade faster than me.
948. even if the rules allow it, i can't catchdropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks. 949. i will not make my castle's halls 9x9x9' tokeep out gelatinous cubes. 950. the ability to give superpowers to charactersis acceptable. naming the character captain franchise isnot. 951.
the most important stat in call of cthulhuis not movement. 952. keifer sutherland does not make numerous cameosin my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness. 953. no matter how high my strength, still can'tuse that wall as a shield. 954. i will not convince the entire party to playidentical copies of the same character on the grounds we're sextuplets.
955. no matter his age, my bard can't start a boy-band. 956. despite the halberd being 6' long, it can'thit monsters more than 5' away. 957. even if it's been more than two hours sincewe left the bar, the dwarf isn't getting the dt's.958. no matter how practical, i can't have shotgunchucks. 959.
the town drunk is not our one stop sourcefor all mythos happenings in every town. 960. i will not base my call of cthulhu characteroff the lead character in slingblade. 961. even if i am pissed for working on my birthday,in the middle of a black ops i will not refer to my co only by his first name. 962. if i don't have an instrument for my bardicsong, an 'air mandolin' won't suffice. 963.
after critting with a cannon, we can't dumpa barrel of gunpowder over the gunner's mate. 964. elves aren't marsupials. 965. even if we're freezing to death, i won't cutopen the half-orc and shove the elf inside him. 966. using precog on the personals to find outwho puts out on a first date is abusing the 967.
there is no such thing as a tequila golem. 968. a paladin with a british accent is acceptable. one with a peter lorre accent isn't. 969. when i'm allowed a bunny as a familiar, thatdoesn't include ava fabian. 970. i will not make a super hero that requiresa graphing calculator to create. 971.
i cannot take the flaw enemy: random packsof wild dogs. 972. "threesome" is not a specialty of the seductionskill. 973. shotguns are not a traditional part of texasfunerals. 974. if short changed at the hong kong deli i willcall the manager. not roll for initiative. 975.
there is something wrong with a 2nd levelkamikaze. 976. i was not issued a flamethrower for my ownpersonal amusement. 977. disable plot device is not a real skill. 978. nowhere in the plan does franco go in wherethe others have been. 979. mumus do not appear in the starting equipmentlist for a reason.
980. as a matter of fact, a 90' tall hostile pineappleis much more terrifying than a dragon. 981. my last wish cannot be for ragnarok. 982. trailblaze means find a path, not cut downevery tree between here and there. 983. elves do not take 1d3 1 minutes for theirentire menstrual cycle. 984.
in the middle of a black ops i cannot moonlightas tech support. 985. even if it isn't in the rules, i have to usethe same scale miniature as everybody else. 986. i cannot switch miniatures between each combat. 987. even if starving, can't suckle the elf chick. 988. david bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will.
this issue is also closed. 989. when asked to describe my character, i canleave out the hickies. 990. even if he botches his medicine roll, i can'tsue the medtech for malpractice. 991. "kiww the wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry. 992. the rest of the party would appreciate itif i didn't take munchhausen syndrome by proxy
as a flaw. 993. even if the rules allow it, i can't emptyout the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb. 994. corporate pop whore is not a real prestigeclass. 995. drakkar heartgourger is not a proper namefor a paladin. 996.
dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies. 997. i can't beat on the drow until he admits hisname is toby. 998. the script for the baywatch movie does notcause more sanity loss than the necronomicon. 999. i can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapplerules. 1000. i will stop referring to the powergamer asminmaximus.
1001. no matter how bad the game is going, i won'tstradle the table like slim pickens riding a bomb. 1002. foam finger of death is not a real spell. 1003. i cannot start with an armor class higherthan my actual age. 1004. not permitted to die from essence loss duringcharacter creation.
1005. even if i bought the book at walmart, i don'tget a discount on advantages. 1006. if i take the poison immunity advantage, thatdoesn't include radiation. 1007. that whole expedition to the barrier peaks? dream sequence. 1008. texans do not get revolvers as a racial weaponproficiency.
1009. no matter how many points i put into the skill,can't use sword swallowing to parry. 1010. stone giants don't have heat sinks. 1011. even if we are facing yuan ti, my battlecrycannot be "cobra!" 1012. note to self: lightsaberchucks...bad idea1013. the expressive dance skill is not a substitutefor language skills.
1014. i will stop blaming every massacre we comeacross on decepticons. 1015. despite what the rules say, berserking doesnot improve my aim. 1016. even if spells are use them or lose them,i will not waste meteor swarms on a goblin. 1017. i will not lay siege to cinderella's castle. 1018.
elves do not get viking funerals. 1019. even if we have more ammo than fuel, i stillhave to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the hmg.1020. if we have to add a new pc mid-campaign, hedoesn't have to pass a drug test first. 1021. can't use the jedi mind trick to convincethe stormtroopers the droids over there are the droids they are looking for. 1022.
can't start the game with 24 hours to live. 1023. the bluff skill is no substitute for actuallyknowing the spell. 1024. slings make poor thongs. 1025. if i have two cyberarms, they have to be ondifferent sides. 1026. my character cannot gain a level through nepotism.
1027. i will not use the d20 system to test thevalidity of any kennedy assassination theory. 1028. my character has mastery level in singing. i do not. 1029. i will not convert to eilistraee just so ican watch naked drow chicks getting their groove on. 1030.
no matter how much he pisses me off, i willnot raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law. 1031. just because my superhero game has 18 statsand yours only has 3, doesn’t mean mine is 6x better. 1032. monofilament does not automatically make theworld a better place. 1033. holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangstastyle’ does not add to my intimidate check. 1034.
even if i wait for the ninja to jump at me,i can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round. 1035. if at any point in his lifespan my charactercan clear out every single cave of chaos in one single round, he’s vetoed. 1036. my druid can't summon or change into a skunk. no seriously, it’s not allowed in the rulebook. 1037.
kangaroos are poor substitutes for taun-tauns. 1038. there is no such thing as a viking assistedsuicide. 1039. jury summoning i is not a real spell. 1040. i can not name my character anything thatwas suggested by tom servo. 1041. doesn’t matter if i’m just using to spotweld, force lightning still gets me a dark
side point. 1042. erasing the compass on the map and redrawingit in reverse does not mean the villain will start building his evil railroad backwards. 1043. ninjas do not have a hive mind. 1044. no matter how much ammo i start with, i can’timpact the total world supply. 1045.
we will not gut every animal we kill to seeif they have treasure inside like in video games. 1046. we can’t stabilize the dying villain beforewe make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain. 1047. if my troll is the smartest character in theparty, the entire party is vetoed. 1048. i will not attempt to overdose on rogaineso i can disguise myself as a wookie.
1049. i can’t summon anything in mm4 just so ican take a bathroom break while the dm looks it up. 1050. if the weapon has the 3-handed trait, i don’tget a sidekick just for the extra hand. 1051. as a matter of fact, the high and tight buzzcut doesn’t exist in exalted. 1052. i’m not automatically eliminated from thecrappy module if i guess the wrong murderer
like in clue. so i should stop making random accusations. 1053. i was not raised by a pack of feral ironclads. 1054. i will call the elf druid by his real impossiblylong elf name, and not just llanowar leafblower. 1055. i will also not simply refer to the elf druidas that dirty, dirty hippie. 1056.
there is no such thing as a dwarven battleperm. 1057. canadian is not a real language. 1058. when i get to the custom weapons creationsection, i will keep turning those pages. 1059. even if the villain is lawful evil, slappinga cease and desist order on him isn’t going to work. 1060.
i will go into the villain’s lair and takehim out the old fashioned way. not just wait outside his favorite bar witha rifle. 1061. in the middle of a black ops i do not havetime to put a banana in the exhaust port of their av-9. 1062. even if i think of something the demi-lichisn’t immune to, he’s immune to it. 1063. even if my character sheet says otherwise,i can’t max out the party with delta class
cyberware immediately after character generation. 1064. even if i can prove at least a half dozenpractical uses for it, i can’t have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl. 1065. even if we are playing in the new republicera, i can’t call dibs on boba fett’s armor. 1066. if the gm’s wife is in the party, i’mnot allowed to hunt anything cute.
1067. i do not get to put remote detonation switchesinto the weapons of any pc’s i build them for. 1068. i cannot have a handgun that starts out doingmore damage than most people have wounds. 1069. i do not have to check before each adventurethat my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers, cylons or pod people. 1070.
even if we are womprat hunting, we don’thave to dye the wookie fluorescent orange. 1071. i will go take out the villain’s dungeonthe old fashioned way, and not use magic to reroute a river into it instead. 1072. after rerouting a river through the villain’slair, i will not pan for gold wherever the river comes out. 1073. just because the game left the rules for stunsetting grossly unbalanced doesn’t mean
i have to take advantage of it. 1074. despite the name, i can’t actually weara cloaker. but i will fail to notice the cloak weighsover a quarter ton. 1075. metal detectors don’t automatically findcylons. 1076. when told to dress like a goth i will makesure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail andshield.
1077. there is no such thing as a weresaxophonist. 1078. if 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn’tconvince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won’t either. 1079. a tattoo gun is not standard equipment ina mapping kit. 1080. the cryokinetic is forever banned from waterballoon fights.
1081. even if the rules allow it, my sumo wrestlercan’t take super human attractiveness. 1082. there is no such thing as a brothel crawl. 1083. my irsan will not use his powers to help fillout wikipedia articles. 1084. my sumo wrestler can’t have lap band surgerywithout affecting his martial arts skills. 1085.
“everybody wang chung tonight†is notan acceptable use of the mass suggestion spell. 1086. tornadoes don’t have hit points. 1087. even if i take twice as long, that doesn’tmean i can take 40. 1088. i cannot try and throw large blunt objectsat malkavians, kobolds or kender. or their players. 1089.
even if the game is a crappy rip-off of worldof warcraft, my character can’t speak in leet. 1090. even if i roll a natural 20, i can’t jumpthe grand cannon on a stock steam roller. 1091. in the middle of a black ops, if a characterdies i will not disavow knowledge of him until after the mission is over. 1092. if the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don’thave to stop and wait for the zamboni guy
to clean up the battlefield. 1093. i will not tell the rookies they can rolldown their y-wing’s windows. 1094. my wizard does not need to shout out the nameof what he’s summoning every time he picks a creature. 1095. anything short of adamantine full plate isnot considered light armor for dwarves. 1096.
in the middle of a black ops i can’t starta major corpwar just because i’m bored stiff with the current run. 1097. even if he used int as a dump stat, i don’thave to carve ‘this end towards enemy’ on the barbarian’s axe blade. 1098. if i’m in an assault mech, bump draftingis discouraged. 1099. after a successful black ops, before i’mpaid i will not immediately adopt a dozen
children for the tax breaks. 1100. i cannot wish that someone else was an oscarmeyer weiner. 1101. i will not cut the vault guards in on thehaul instead of fighting them. 1102. 1980’s break dancing moves have their place. in front of the vodacce prince is not oneof them. 1103.
just because i was paid in advance doesn’tmean i can let the incompetent expedition leader die. 1104. there is a limit to how much innuendo i canfit into one combat round. 1105. even if it is just my character speaking,i will not claim texas was stolen from mexico. i will live longer that way. 1106. i cannot put nodens on speed dial.
1107. i will not attempt to clear out the dungeonusing only bangalore torpedoes. 1108. picking his pocket means more than just turninghim upside down and shaking him vigorously. 1109. i will not do anything that bilbo bagginshates. 1110. even if i have enough, putting silencers onmy minigun doesn’t work. 1111.
there is no such thing as a magic murder bagof holding. 1112. i will stop referring to the eladrin as justthe elf mk ii. 1113. i will not shoot vampires in the chest witha large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound. 1114. i will not take a phobia of anything thatdoesn’t exist in the game world. 1115.
if i have an ability that lets me alter minoraspects of my appearance, that doesn’t include girth. 1116. add bulldozers to the list of things vampiresare allergic to. 1117. can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll ofkodak film, no matter what we all know it’s made out of. 1118. in the middle of a black ops i will not useup all the claymores just because i don’t
want to take them back with me. 1119. i cannot have my mercy surgically removed. 1120. even if i’m in charge i can’t order theassault lance to perform west side story dance routines. 1121. if given a holy avenger sword, i can’t meltit down and reforge it into a weapon my paladin actually uses.
1122. even if it still give a combat bonus to everybodyelse, i can’t just stand there and read a comic book behind the villain. 1123. in the middle of a black ops i can’t callmy girlfriend to remind her to pick up some chinese on her way home. 1124. i will leave out mating rituals when presentinga cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors. 1125.
letting the red shirt guard the plane is reallyfrowned upon as it doesn’t leave anybody to sacrifice to the shoggoths. 1126. cannot start the campaign on fire. 1127. will not start all my skills at 89% just soi get massive san boosts early. 1128. i cannot rickroll people with any video thatincreases their mythos lore. 1129.
i will refrain from casting dimension jumpand magnificent mansion on every police box we pass. 1130. i cannot wish we were playing the previousedition of the game. 1131. summoning a water elemental right above thefire elemental doesn’t work. 1132. there will be no more debating how much xpmr. tumnus would be worth. 1133.
i cannot be the bizarro version of anotherplayer. 1134. nowhere in my barbarian’s description willi include the word “jaunty†1135. my eshu does not get bonus frequent flyermiles automatically during character generation. 1136. doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pittrap isn’t going to take out the tarrasque. 1137. i have to go into the dungeon, not just sendin dozens of summoned creatures every morning.
1138. fireballs don’t have a non-lethal option. i will ponder this after i’ve cast one atthat guy we needed alive. 1139. my weapon is a 3 flaming flail. not my great balls of fire. 1140. i will not use a portable hole to cheat atgolf. 1141.
in the middle of a black ops i will not lookat the target’s hr files to see if they have better benefits. 1142. i will not use the mage’s staff of wizardryin lieu of a pool cue. 1143. torching the forest doesn’t get me any xpfor anything inside the forest. 1144. i cannot have any gun that lets me kill thevillain without being in at least an adjacent county.
1145. a 2nd level commoner is not twice as commonas a 1st level commoner. 1146. if we don’t have a thief, i can’t callaaa to slim jim the dungeon entry door. 1147. i will lick the rodian’s antennae and stickhim to the wall while he sleeps. 1148. no matter how long his speech is, my sniperwill not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
1149. during the psi-jump my neutral can’t domean things to the psions while they are tripping. 1150. i will not try to feed the qin extremely saltyfood to see if he melts. 1151. our mission is to rescue the princess. not to bring sexy back. 1152. even if given detailed instructions on pages50-51, can’t take cloud city on a joy ride.
1153. i can’t wish to change my vote on what modulewe’re playing. 1154. bass line is not an acceptable perform skillspecialty. 1155. thri-kreen do not have the flaw obsession:pretty lights 1156. the party leader is not the one that looksbest in a chainmail bikini. 1157.
i can’t ‘make it rain’ before the inventionof paper currency. 1158. if i make a cowboy with the young ‘un flawi can’t name him sioux. 1159. if i don’t have any points in medtech, ican’t try faith healing. 1160. we will not end every adventure with a publicservice announcement. 1161. if my character requires the gm to memorizethe rules for siege warfare, he’s vetoed.
1162. we can’t trade the ranger for a giant, pirateor padre. 1163. i am forbidden from using more than ten sourcebooksto make one character. 1164. i will wait for the gm to finish his incrediblycomplicated riddle before answering correctly. 1165. i can’t wish for somebody to publish therules for gnomes or bards. 1166.
the time machine is not for collecting autographs. 1167. i can stop rolling at 7x dead. 1168. i am forbidden from doing anything that makesa passerby flinch. 1169. if even the rules allow it, i can’t havemy uneducated peasant start with every known language. 1170.
if the rules contradict isaac newton, newtonwins. 1171. i will not send the villain a fake messagehis mother is coming then attack him while he’s cleaning. 1172. my brooding costumed vigilante can’t takethe flaw dark secret: well adjusted to society. 1173. despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary,dick clark is not shemsu-heru. 1174.
even if i spend the points, i can’t takethe u.s.s. montana as an ally. 1175. my knight will not buy a shetland pony justso he can use his lance underground. 1176. i will remember the spiked chain cheesemonsteris allergic to the improved sunder feat. 1177. i will stop asking npc’s how much xp theyare worth. 1178.
the seduction skill does not have a to hiton roll. 1179. no matter how well i make my bluff check,the star destroyer crew isn’t going to believe i’m the new captain. 1180. dressing up the wizard as the monk still won’tstop monsters from appearing beside him and attacking him first. 1181. when asked what game we want to larp, froggeris not an option.
1182. chewing hoagga leaves does not make me a goddammedsexual rhinodon. 1183. no it won’t help if we put a silencer onthe bazooka. 1184. when approached by a famous historical figure,i can assume he’s a time traveler and not a zombie. 1185. paladins do too urinate.
1186. in the middle of a black ops my buttocks isforbidden from making contact with the target’s copy machine. 1187. it’s okay to feed the ewok after midnight. 1188. flash bangs are not to be handed out to trickor treaters. 1189. a stagehand does not get a better sneak bonusthan ninjas.
1190. i will not conga line the pattern. 1191. super powers that are only useful to art majorsare vetoed. 1192. my last wish cannot be for a cage match betweencthulhu, godzilla, galactus and the tarrasque. 1193. i will avoid making wishes that locks thegame in an infinite time loop. 1194.
i will not go to ftl just to avoid the redlights. 1195. i will not min/max the appraise skill justto clean up on the price is right. 1196. even if we cleared it out, we can’t turnwhite plume mountain into a theme park. 1197. even if the rules allow it, i can’t puta spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle. 1198. i cannot have a destroid that requires meto take the ally advantage two dozen times
just to crew it. 1199. stan lee does not have to make a cameo appearancein every single adventure. 1200. even if i make it out of one continuous design,a dracheneisen castle doesn’t count as one object. 1201. ‘just blow them out the airlock’ is nota backup first contact protocol. 1202.
even if it’s totally feasible, i can’tindefinitely stall our rivals with a bureaucracy check. 1203. my panzerhand doesn’t get a vote. 1204. smartass is not a character role. 1205. i can’t have any feat in the main book ifthe feat is written in pencil. 1206.
in the middle of a black ops i can’t downloadseveral thousands songs on the target’s computer and then call the riaa. 1207. there is no such thing as ‘ambiguously elven’1208. even if he is chaotic evil, i can’t turnstate’s evidence against a fellow party member. 1209. even if the boss monster has 100% magic resistance,my wizard can’t go catch a movie. 1210.
i will keep rolling until i get a superpoweri can actually use. 1211. i cannot have any gun that has an npc onlytrigger guard. 1212. even if they’d never suspect it, my jedican’t have a flamethrower. 1213. no, we can’t see if the party can beat templeof elemental evil in under an hour. 1214. i will stop trying to put the halfling ina diabetic coma.
1215. if i’m just a few xp from 16th level, ican’t just cast fireballs at random forests until i hit something. 1216. i can’t have a gun that treats buildingsas light cover. 1217. no matter what the dice just said, i didn’tkill the villain with the first shot of the combat. 1218.
elves do not have to go to the bathroom ingroups. 1219. penguins will not fit in the standard etherjar. 1220. the vulcan neck pinch doesn’t work in campaignswithout vulcans. 1221. just because my sword is intelligent doesn’tmean he can do my math homework for me. 1222. it's a strangehold.
not an ogryn neck pinch. 1223. ussuran women are not instantly recognizableby their beards. 1224. even if the rules allow it, i can’t hitstone with the stone cold stunner. 1225. having more beer than the enemy doesn’tgive me a morale bonus for the mass combat chart. 1226.
no feat allows me to open beer cans with mypects. 1227. the death star does not need a cabin boy. 1228. ‘overused clichã©â€™ is not an appropriatefavored enemy. 1229. i cannot gain drama dice in games i’m notactually in. 1230. it’s okay if you name your kindred alucard.
but i still can’t name my garou namflow. 1231. no matter how low orc intelligence, they aren’tgoing to fall for a large wooden horse outside the gates of mordor. 1232. “head, heart, run†is not our posse’smotto. 1233. no matter how much sense it makes, we can’tpaint the glitterboy a camo scheme. 1234.
my first act as xo can’t be a mutiny. 1235. not allowed to use the replicator and transporterto fill the bird of prey with jello. 1236. i can’t take invisibility to detect invisibility. 1237. my fighter can’t use the monster manualas a to-do list. 1238. no making up patron saints.
1239. no part of the adventure is clothing optional. 1240. no matter what the dice say, i didn’t justseduce chun li. and cammy. 1241. it takes more than one pick pocket roll tototally derail the campaign. 1242. i can’t wish that somebody competent wrotethis module.
1243. even if the game is dreadfully repetitive,our party is motto can’t be ‘wash, rinse, repeat’1244. i will not point out the drow matron wouldmake more money as an exotic dancer. even if it’s true. 1245. must at least pay lip service to the metaplot. 1246. it’s not possible to stampede dwarves.
1247. when told to pick a published superhero toplay, johnny cash is not allowed. paul stanley is perfectly acceptable. 1248. there is no such thing as a strap on beard. 1249. it doesn’t matter if he took the large advantage,we aren’t using the ussuran as ballast. 1250. i will address the other pc as lord tyrion,eldritch knight of the winter court.
and not just as the sidhe male. 1251. even the rules disagree, my character canstill drown. 1252. i cannot take the following as my favoredenemies: southpaws, mother-in-law or keynesian economists. 1253. even if i’m being shanghaied into playinga rather crappy campaign, can’t use constitution as a dump stat.
1254. we aren’t luring the arasaka agents outof the safehouse by making ice cream truck noises. 1255. splitting the atom at will is not an acceptablesuper power. 1256. ‘ignore the metaplot’ is also not an acceptablesuper power. 1257. no, the answer to the problem is not to makea gatling gun out of bazookas.
1258. can’t base my character off a smurf. 1259. even if i could base my character off a smurf,ghurka smurf was not a real smurf. 1260. no matter what the dice say, my renaissanceinventor didn’t just invent manned space flight. 1261. if the villain’s three room lair holds overone hundred brutes, can’t just tip off the
fire marshal. 1262. no rerouting the roller coaster through theumbra. 1263. can’t blame it on my gun. 1264. will not retrofit my federation starship withfuses. 1265. heavy bolters don’t come with a pistol grip.
1266. i will stop referring to my rogue as a freelancesubterranean locksmith. 1267. the lockpicking kit must be more than a sawedoff shotgun. 1268. dwarves are physically incapable of performedthe dance of the seven veils. 1269. even if the guy i based my character off wasfamous for doing it, i can’t kill eight guys with one bullet.
1270. weapon focus: nukes is not a real feat. 1271. there will not be any sex in other player’sbattlemechs. 1272. my paladin can be charged with sexual harassmentif he doesn’t watch exactly where he lays on hands. 1273. any character that makes a seasoned riftsplayer flinch is vetoed, and shall never be
spoken of again. 1274. i can’t check the soul forge in as baggage. 1275. will not reanimate dead familiars just tokeep them around for sentimental reasons. 1276. freeing slaves out of justice is good. out of spite, not so much. 1277.
hello everybody. today i will be reading youthings mr. welch is not allowed to do in a rpg numbers 1-100. if you wish to read alongthere will be the tvtropes link and the actual of my channel. alright we will start withnumber 1. 1. cannot base characters off the who's drummerkeith moon. 2. a one man band is not an appropriate bardinstrument. 3. there is no gnomish god of heavy artillery.4. my 7th sea character boudreaux is not 'southern' montaigne.5. not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.6. synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.7. not allowed to use psychic powers to do
the dishes.8. how to serve dragons is not a cookbook. 9. my monk's lips must be in sync.10. just because my character and i can speak german, doesn't mean the gm can.11. not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.12. must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if i'm the sorcerer.13. must not murder canon npcs in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.14. ogres are not kosher. 15. plan b is not automatically twice as muchgunpowder as plan a. 16. i will not beat tomb of horrors in lessthan 10 minutes from memory. 17. collateral damage man is not an appropriatename for a super hero.
18. when surrendering i am to hand the swordover hilt first. 19. drow are not good eating.20. polka is not appropriate marching music. 21. no longer allowed to recreate the deathstar trench run out of genre. 22. there is no such thing as a gnomish pygmywar rhino. 23. any character who has a sensitivity trainingcenter named after him will be taken away. 24. even if the rules allow it, i am not allowedto summon 50,000 blue whales. 25. the green elf does not need food badly.26. valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. especially if you're the paladin.27. i am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie intwilight 2000.
28. the goddess' of marriage chosen weaponis not the whip. 29. i cannot have any gun that requires meto continue the damage code on back. 30. i am not to kill off all the vampiresin the larp, even if they are terminally stupid. 31. the backup trap handler is not whoeverhas the most hp at the time. 32. i cannot buy any animal in groups of 100or over. 33. there is no such skill as 'improvisedcooking' 34. i am not allowed to base any droid offany character played by joe pesci. 35. i am not allowed to convince the entireparty to play r2 units. 36. i am not allowed to convince the entireparty to sit on the same side of the table.
37. they do not make black market illegalcyberweapons for rodents. 38. when investigating evil cultists not allowedto just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.39. gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'40. gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.41. gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'42. having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.43. no longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.44. not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.45. my character names are not allowed to
be double entendres.46. sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.47. they do not make nair in wookie sizes. 48. the elf is restricted to decaf for therest of the adventure. 49. not allowed to blow up the death starbefore that snotty farm kid gets his shot. 50. not allowed to use thermodynamic scienceto asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.51. no longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.52. my bard does not know how to play inna godda davida on marachas.53. not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.54. cannot pimp out other party members.
55. before facing the dragon, not allowedto glaze the elf. 56. no matter how well i roll, a squirrelcannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint. 57. in the middle of a black op i cannot aska guard to validate parking. 58. expended ammunition is not a businessexpense. 59. not allowed to pose the netrunner in embarrassingpositions when he's on a run. 60. not allowed to short sheet the bedrollof impotent deities. 61. can only taunt the ranger about his lackof swimming after my uscg e8 saves him. 62. i am not allowed to do anything i sawhan solo do once. 63. no, i cannot buy 10,000 marbles even ifi say please.
64. my paladin's battle cry is not "good forthe good god" 65. there is no summon bimbo spell.66. not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except ones the partyspeaks. 67. there is no kung fu manuever "mcguireswings for bleachers" 68. bring him back intact includes redundantorgans. 69. there is more to wizardry than magic missile.even if i can do 200 damage automatic with no save.70. not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink even if the target number is 5.71. there is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor 72. not allowed to start a character who isover 100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf.
humans are right out.73. not allowed to name my cudgel ceremonial whoopass stick.74. my thief's battle cry is not "run and live"75. nor is it "you take care of the orcs, i take care of the traps"76. i am not allowed any artistic license while translating.77. i did not get my super powers from james t. kirk.78. not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.79. i am not liquid metal. 80. when accepting a challenge for a duel,i must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.81. a picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable
backup weapon.82. victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.83. my gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.84. not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull crossbow.85. not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial strength flamethrower.86. not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the -10 penaltyfor a successful called shot. 87. there is no such thing as a dwarven katana.88. my bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything underher tabard. 89. the elf's name is not legolam.90. my swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw
dark secret: not gay91. a wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.92. the name of the weapon shop is not "bloodbath and beyond"93. i am to remind my dm that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mountagain. 94. i cannot base my ancient kung fu masteron neither gene simmons or bluto blutarski. 95. i must not put the thunder god on thespot again. 96. no making up polearms.97. my one wish cannot be 'i wish everything on this piece of paper was true'98. there is no such thing as speed polka. 99. not allowed to see if jedi can parry ashotgun blast with their lightsaber.
100. when any character from a d20 sourcebookis allowed, that doesn't include system lords. 101. i am not allowed to pave anything.102. i am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime.103. there is no such thing as a club 3 of cup checks104. nor is there a 1 longsword, 5 against party members.105. i am not allowed to polymorph anyone into abe vigoda.106. i do not have weapon proficiency in cat. 107. there is no such game as wereshark thebuffet. 108. no, i do not get xp for every singlecrewman on that star destroyer. 109. not allowed to kill a vampire with anypart from a dc-10 larger than my car.
110. not allowed to serenade the party evenif my character has an internal tape deck. 111. i did not pick the garrote skill lastweek from my grandmother. 112. if the gun can't fit through the x-raymachine, it doesn't go on the plane. 113. my droid is not allowed to paraphraseany jack nicholson soliloquy. 114. the demilich only falls for getting stuffedin the bag of holding once. 115. my musical instrument does not doubleas a personal flotation device. 116. not allowed to take a coffee break duringthe final super villain showdown. 117. i am restricted to memorizing floatingdisc only once per day. 118. i will pick a more traditional paladinweapon instead of a sledgehammer.
119. my character's names cannot be anagramsof playboy playmates. 120. not allowed to kill another party memberwith a boomerang again. 121. i am not a contractor for dragon cavecleaning services inc. 122. the paladin's alignment is not lawfulanal. 123. not allowed to forget to mention trapswhen the powergamer has point. 124. i cannot insert the words "kill phil,sorry phil" into any list of instructions. 125. lingerie can only snap coincidentallyso many times per day. 126. dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.127. not allowed to download aol 6.0 on the arasaka mainframe.128. polka gnomes exist only in my mind.
129. not allowed to name my ship the antidisestablishmentarianism.130. i am not authorized to form the head. 131. not allowed to bet how many times thelich bounces. 132. there is no such feat called "death blossom"133. my acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.134. the king's guards official name is not "the royal order of the red shirt"135. i cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.136. i cannot start the 7th sea campaign with 3 confirmed drachen kills.137. i do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy. 138. if the mere thought of it costs the otherssanity, i'm forbidden from doing it. 139. my bard is required to take levels inthe perform skill and cannot 'just play by
ear'140. the dutch language does not exist in the forgotten realms.141. my maid does not know kung fu. 142. not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugarrush just to jack up the cr later. 143. not allowed to by a holy symbol for everygod just in case one of them is right. 144. there is no such thing as pleather armor.145. i cannot go back in time to cut in line at the declaration of independence so everybodynow is asked for their terrence e. woczinski when signing documents.146. not allowed to play an australian in any game set before 1600.147. hobbits are not allowed to have norse ancestry.148. there is no gnomish deathgrip, and even
if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs.149. looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory.150. not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.151. halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.152. when the guy is at -9 hp is not the best time for my cleric to convert him.153. i will not propose to every noblewoman at the royal ball until i crit my charismacheck. 154. i am not allowed to rub the monk's headfor luck. 155. i am not allowed to rub any part of theelf chick for any reason. 156. when one person forgets to buy rationseating the half-elf is not our first option.
157. any capital scale weapon is not 'my littlefriend'. 158. i will not declare myself a god justso i can grant myself spells. 159. airlocks do not double as trash disposals.160. i will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.161. i will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played bythat creepy guy. 162. what ever monster we just killed is notto be tonight's dinner. 163. not allowed to try and make a dire versionof any dog of the toy breeds. 164. i am not to tattle to the halfling assassin'smom about his career choice. 165. i am forbidden from replacing anythingwith folger's crystals to see if they notice.
166. not allowed to bribe the enemy commanderinto withdrawing with a stolen elvis lp collection. 167. i was not recruited by star league forany reason. 168. i was also not recruited by 12 dwarvesand a wizard to rob a dragon. 169. i am neither the pagan god nor goddessof fertility. 170. i cannot name my character xagyg or anyanagram thereof. 171. my character's dying words are not allowedto be "hastur, hastur, hastur" 172. at no point can i justify spending forcepoints on a seduction check. 173. i am not allowed to recreate veers' marchof the at-ats on zhentil keep. 174. there is no use of shatner's spoken wordalbum that doesn't require a humanity check.
175. i am not directly descended from eitherhuey lewis or any member of the news. 176. i cannot make called shots to the plectrum,anvil, stirrup, hammer or isle of langerhans. 177. stinking cloud is a privilege, not aright. 178. there are no profanities in celestial.179. chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.180. i have neither the touch nor the power. 181. i cannot quote shakespeare in crinos.182. no figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.183. there are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.184. a starting character has no need for 100gp worth of hemp rope.185. my bard does not need roadies for a dungeon
crawl.186. no cutting line to be a god. 187. i cannot gain more than three drama dieper session for making the gm pee. 188. i cannot play a elf with a scottish accent,nor a cajun dwarf. 189. tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reasonto kill the character at creation. 190. duel wielding small animals is strictlyforbidden. 191. my character is not related in anywayto boba fett. this goes double for star wars characters.192. if the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to haveit. 193. not allowed to kill vampires with seismiccharges.
194. when the other guy picks swords for thechoice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.195. i cannot use a silent feat enabled power word stun and blame it on the dog.196. i cannot name a character anything that i can't say politely in another country.197. my epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin menace to his country justto stay sharp. 198. not allowed to steal my own soul.199. my third wish cannot be 'i wish you wouldn't grant this wish'200. i cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems.201. my thief is prohibited from speaking solely in cant.202. character descriptions cannot contain
two of the following words: slavic, tonedeaf,karaoke, musician. 203. my superhero's strength is not classifiedas snazzy, neato or bodacious. 204. i am not too sexy for the elf, too sexyfor the elf, so sexy myself. 205. my 3rd ed. red wizard is not allowedto start a business named thay co. 206. i cannot forge a 1 sword of brad's min/maxedpaladin/monk slaying. 207. the following weapons are not legal choicesin a duel: steamroller, nerve gas, landmine, midget.208. i cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec de corbins.209. my paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.210. my antipaladin's heraldry is not mr.
yuk.211. if at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of macho man randy savage,he dies. 212. if the party always starts the adventurein a tavern, i cannot opt to start in a brothel. 213. i am not the patron saint of common sense.214. there is no prestige class drizzt slayer. 215. they do not make heavy weapons in pumpaction. 216. there is an upper limit to the numberof bozo boostergangers i can get in a volkswagon. 217. if the weapon is capable of staking vampireshiding behind engine blocks, i can't have it.218. no matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.219. in formal introductions to royalty, i
must not introduce my companions as just "theother guys". 220. i am not the master of the low blow orthe gang up. 221. if i get that yugo up to 120mph again,that's gonna get some paradox. 222. druids are not against my religion.223. i cannot convince the solo he has a cortex bomb when he really doesn't.224. i cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a halfgnome do you? 225. i am forbidden from monologuing.226. troll bubblegum...bad idea. 227. my last wish cannot be "i wish we wereplaying another game." 228. i cannot use my time machine to hirehitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding ww2.
229. not allowed to spontaneously check ifthe elf can take a punch. 230. there is no such thing as monofilamenttooth floss. 231. i am not allowed to do anything thatwould make a sith lord cry. 232. it is not possible to recreate any scenefrom dr. who in crinos. 233. if i am the medtech it is generally assumedi am going to have skill in medicine. 234. my character does not get d34 hp a level.235. my samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate. plural, as in more than one, twomore than none. 236. my character has no need for 24,000 cartonsof cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage.237. not allowed to use more than 3 words
per game that the gm has to look up the definition.238. my bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.239. my rockerboy cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glassarmonica. 240. any character with more than three skillsspecializing in chainsaw is vetoed. 241. cannot use the jedi mind trick to getout of a speeding ticket. 242. not allowed to give quicklings mountaindew. 243. cannot cast haste on the king duringa long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.244. not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in 8 different languages because theyforgot to take any.
245. not allowed to attend any opera whosename the gm confuses with a strip joint. 246. i cannot keep selling that creepy guy'salways naked elf chick to nomads every chance i get.247. if the king rewards me with a forest, i am to assume he intends for me to keep ita forest. 248. there is no halfling god of groin shots.249. if a black op requires me to impersonate an employee, i cannot bill the target forovertime. 250. superfluous man is not a viable superheroconcept. 251. i am not the boogie-woogie bugle boyof gundam wing z. 252. i can not order the druid to transformand roll out.
253. if the other party members forget totake any food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death.254. i cannot blow 5 paradox in: a police line up, the candy aisle of krogers, the missamerica pageant. 255. i cannot create a superhero that canpalm the moon. 256. the following cleric domains do not exist:wet t-shirts, atheism, keggers 257. i cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.258. there is no such thing as skyclad armor 5259. my highlander's name cannot be mchammer. 260. gnomes do not have a racial bonus inbobsled. 261. the barbarian's name does not translateinto "screams like little sissy girl" in my
language.262. when the gm forces the plot, i cannot make choo-choo noises.263. not allowed to attempt to kill the hutt by pouring salt on him.264. i cannot use the time machine to go to ancient greece where all the women were leatherclad, oiled down with big bosoms. 265. it assumed my mechwarrior knows at leastwhat one of the buttons in his cockpit does. 266. at the end of a black-ops, i cannot crankcall c-swat on the target's phone. 267. i cannot yell "freebird" every time thebard makes a perform roll. 268. mr. welch is not allowed to speak in3rd person. 269. my character cannot hear the soundtrack.270. i cannot derail the adventure for a two
hour in character discussion on the qualitiesof rope. 271. tracheotomies are best left to characterswith skills in medicine. 272. no skill allows specializing in defenestration.273. no matter how smart i make my animal companion, he still can't take the tax accountantskill. 274. i cannot commune with the gods duringpeak hours. 275. i must remember at dinner time rock isnot a dwarven delicacy. 276. i must remember at dinner time log isnot an elven delicacy. 277. my half-ogre cannot surprise the halflingswith spontaneous games of dodgeball. 278. anything the dm has to ponder the fullimpact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
279. i cannot base any elf off of any britishprime minister. 280. thermonuclear hand grenades do not existin any genre except paranoia. 281. i cannot get emotionally attached toany generic nondescript unnamed npc. 282. even if laughter is the best medicine,it still doesn't restore any of my hp. 283. i have been assured with total certaintyralph is not a japanese name. 284. when the co asks for volunteers, i can'thelp others make a decision. 285. i am not from margaritaville, and evenif i was, that doesn't excuse the hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection.286. no character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any misdemeanor.287. when asked for advice before a fight
"don't wet yourself in public" is not whatthey were looking for. 288. i cannot name my character after anotherpc already in this game. 289. my character does not have the flaw addiction:helium. 290. i cannot figure that the dungeon we'rein is the pac-man maze and point it out to the rest of the party.291. i cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final monster in the dungeon.292. i cannot take all the monsters i've killed to the taxidermist after the adventure.293. clowns shoes have no place in a dungeon crawl.294. my dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.295. when my enemy blinks does not give me
an attack of opportunity.296. i cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.297. i cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys on new years and tell them theyare roman candles. 298. sprechen sie bang-bang? is not real german.299. i do not get any xp for anyone i kill by stampeding sheep.300. i cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames luke, han, chewie or yoda.301. "well hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.302. a gimp suit does not count as leather armor.303. i cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious i'm describingburt reynolds.
304. my life long nemesis is not allowed tobe the unsuspecting cleric sitting across the table from me.305. anything my character does that ends up as errata i am retroactively prohibitedfrom doing. 306. chaotic evil dieties do not have hymnals.307. even if he can use them from the start, my barbarian can't specialize in fencing weapons.308. a mao suit is not proper garb for my shugenja.309. i cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets andbear traps. 310. i cannot spend all my points on justfollowers. 311. even if the rules allow it, i cannotstart the game as pope.
312. i am not the son, father, husband, exroommate,former professor or retired garbageman of the villain.313. my british superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets rippedoff. 314. under 'religion' i cannot put 'xenu'.315. my gnome cannot save point on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rideseverywhere. 316. my character is not allowed to commitsuicide five minutes into the campaign. 317. my battlecry is not 'now young skywalkeryou will die'. 318. vampiric cows are not the fast food innovationof the future. 319. my character does not have the flaw:dark secret- i'm kilroy.
320. the sultan does not want a treasure bath.321. the monk's official title is brother of the lotus path. not the slap happy jappy.322. my bard knows more songs than just "i saw your mommy"323. i cannot start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease.324. i cannot start the game pregnant. 325. even if he was a paragon of humanityin his alternate dimension, good hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.326. cannot accumulate 200 points of flaws for hackmaster.327. i am not allowed to decide which one of us is the chosen one.328. i cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting.329. not allowed to spoil the plot by simply
removing the hinges on the door.330. the halfling paladin does not represent the lollipop guild.331. i cannot invoke consecrate weapon on a man of war332. i cannot spend character points to buy imaginary friends.333. i cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.334. pinball is not a specialization for wizards. 335. when installing cyberware, can't installthe clapper as a built in feature. 336. cannot start a cthuhlu character witha pre-existing hatred of books, altars and cutlery.337. even if the rules allow it, i cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flyingpiranha.
338. any character named el robotico jiraffede fuego is begging to be vetoed. 339. can't avoid going on an epic quest withthe excuse "can't find a sitter" 340. i cannot start the game married to anotherpc without their consent. 341. not allowed to declare myself a freeagent and take offer from other adventuring parties.342. after the first adventure i cannot write a tell all book about the party.343. i must remember royalty do not share the same love of parody as my bard.344. no matter how much i make my iq roll by, i can't make the other guy's head explode.345. i don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.346. i most certainly don't have weapon proficiency
in a phased-plasma rifle in the forty wattrange. 347. if i'm not the decker, i can't do anythingi saw in tron once. 348. the rest of the party appreciates itif i don't start the game in cyberpsychosis. 349. power word: beer me is not a real spell.350. i am not allowed to buzz anything. 351. i cannot take skill profession: ecdysiast352. when i choose my wizard's familar, belgians are not a legal choice.353. i cannot pick a destroid that makes the veritech pilots feel inadequate.354. tricking the party into killing each other off and then turning in their corpsesfor the bounty is frowned upon. 355. my monk's battlecry is not "round 1:fight!"
356. no matter how well i roll, the quackskill is not a substitute for the doctor skill. 357. i cannot disassemble a car in under 5minutes. 358. even if the rules allow it, i cannotmake a character that gets double xp per game for showing up.359. killing quicklings with marbles only works once.360. i must remind the gm that my blessed can raise dead before he runs another murdermystery again. 361. it is not feasible for my archer to recreatehudson's last stand. 362. it is very unlikely my half-ogre andthe half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.363. when challenged to a showdown, i'm meant
to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not10 blocks with a sharpe's big .50. 364. i am to avoid killing, upstaging or seducinghistorical characters. 365. not allowed to setup the main villainwith the mad scientist's sister. 366. female minotaurs do not have udders.this issue is closed. 367. no using excessive firepower to forcethe plot along. 368. my teleporter cannot stop the alien invasionwith just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid.369. not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure.370. what happens in sigil does not always stay in sigil.371. no thinking up new, creative and fun
uses for cursed items.372. cannot start the game blitzed, especially if i was stone sober at the last game break.373. it is bad form for the queen to see my nipples.374. i am not to combine the advantage fearless and the disadvantage curious in the same characteragain. 375. killing the building does not add tomy body count. 376. the barbarian must remember that 'humanshield' is a figure of speech. 377. my character is required to have a minimumwisdom of 10, that way i have no excuses. 378. i can cannot give my character the moniker"tim the barbarian". especially since he's the bard.379. i am to stop asking the elf to put a
good word in for me with santa.380. i cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convice the fighter his new sword is amagical talking one. 381. min/max for combat=good. min/max foraccounting=bad. 382. i can't bet the power gamer he can'tsolo the module. 383. it is not ok to use 10,000 rounds tokill two sentries. 384. the titles "viking" and "obstretrician"are mutually exclusive. 385. all characters will use the bathroombefore the dungeon crawl. 386. the following words are not legal forthe command spell: prognosticate, theorize, notarize.387. i cannot give magic items super easy
commands words like 'is' or 'the' and activatewhen you say them. 388. pursue means chase after, not just makecalled shots to the knees. 389. my samurai is not required to commitseppuku if he fails to hit the monster. 390. my character's background must be moreindepth than a montage of queen lyrics. 391. a starting paladin has no conceivableuse for industrial lubricant. 392. i am forbidden to see whether halflingsor gnomes bounce higher. 393. if i can fit my head down the gun's barrel,i can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option.394. if the light spell expires, no lighting the dwarf.395. i cannot have any weapon that requires
me to crank start it first.396. i will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters.397. i will not tell new players that 1st level characters do not have a scent as adefense mechanism. 398. no matter what popular media says, harpoonsare not proper ninja weapons. 399. when i have to pick a starting dementia,stockholm syndrome is not appropriate. 400. check the door means to listen at it,not put several rounds through it. 401. when a virgin sacrifice is demanded iwill not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or hermetic.402. no matter how many people i need to feed, i will not use mdc weapons to fish.403. my rigger does not get a bonus if his
log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right,left, right, a, b, a, b, start. 404. no subcontracting dungeon crawls.405. i will not name my character for the power gaming campaign generic cleave pathfighter #7. 406. the first rule of finnegan school isnot "do not talk about finnegan school" 407. i will not blow all my starting fundson hookers and booze. 408. if i have to sacrifice my fifth dot inresources to afford it, i can't have that gun.409. i will not cast darkness at the magic missile.410. if the npc is on the cover of the rulebook, i can't kill him.411. it is bad form to shoot a god while he's
monologuing.412. i will not try to skip to the main boss dressed like a singing telegram.413. the chaotic neutral alignment is forever closed to me.414. if my stats are str10 dex10 con8 int16 wis17 cha15 i'd better not be the half-orcbarbarian. 415. my archmage will not join a party runningkeep on the borderlands as a ringer. 416. i will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.417. the solution to all my problems is not crinos.418. steel toe boots do not add to my ac. 419. spankings generally will not change evilalignments. 420. "for the king" is an example of a goodbattle cry. "smoke the mother" is not.
421. i will not convince the gm's noob gfto play a psychotic combat monster. 422. my marital status does not affect inanyway my fear checks. 423. even if the rules allow it, i cannotplay a duck. 424. i cannot liven up the adventure withsnappy musical numbers. even if they did it on the tv show.425. chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.426. thirty minutes after a massive battle against cathayans i am not bloodthirsty again.427. i cannot do anything i saw jackie chan do once. even if i am in home depot at themoment. 428. i will never create a plan that firsthinges on the invention of velcro.
429. if the character isn't deaf, his onlylanguage cannot be amslan. 430. spray paint is not a substitute for propercamouflage. 431. we will not implement any battle planthat includes the underlined words "and hope they miss a lot"432. cannot put anything featuring calvin on my starfighter.433. i will not find a peaceful solution to the adventure just to piss off the power gamer.434. never again will i convince a player to keep a character nicknamed "stumpy mclunger"435. no bribing the dm's new gf with chocolate so he'll go easy on us.436. even if my cleric has the domains of wealth and healing doesn't give me the rightto start an hmo.
437. from now on my highlander will refrainfrom dancing the can-can. 438. the ability to afflict everyone in 150'with herpes is not an acceptable super power. 439. i will not start the game as a toddlerjust to rack up massive stat bonuses as i age.440. i am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manualtransmissions. 441. there is an upper limit on the numberof people a bullet will go through. 442. when told to be subtle, playing a foulmouthed chain smoking squirrel is not a good choice.443. zombies are not infectious in d&d. so i should stop shooting pcs in the head ifthey are bitten.
444. whether it's fair or not, my thief willnot insist we take turns checking for traps. 445. i will not admonish my fellow paladinwith 'a little less lawful, a little more good'446. ninjas are not ablative. 447. if the npc is critical to the plot later,i cannot crit him 4 times in one round. 448. i will not attempt to unionize the brutes.449. i will not switch to an entirely new class every single time i level.450. when told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriageproposal. 451. i cannot start the campaign conjoinedto another character. 452. not allowed to convince the entire partyto base the group only off gary oldman characters.
453. i will not redefine the term 'trapdoor'.454. no staking a vampire with anything larger than his chest cavity.455. styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.456. i cannot put my familiar up for stud. 457. i did not invent the wet tabard contest.458. "when i'm in the mood" is not a valid trigger for a contingency spell.459. the vampire clan with vissitude is not pronounced 'karl'460. i'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if i'm lawful good.461. tasha's uncontrollably hideous sister is not a real spell.462. 1st watch is not for accordion practice. 463. even if it is hip to be square, i stillcan't play a modron.
464. 2nd watch is not for starting up pickup rugby games with wandering monsters. 465. after a successful black ops, i willnot leave paint bombs under all the boardroom's seat cushions.466. 3rd watch is not clothing optional. 467. there is no 'accidentally' slipping asmite evil into a pillow fight. 468. if the party wakes to find a chariotupside down in a fountain, i'd better not be the prime, usual or only suspect.469. if i wake up to find black cloaked figures in my room, i will not immediately point themto the halflings' room. 470. sarcasm is wasted on imperial stormtroopers.471. i am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish. 472. when my cleric is told to "buff the elf",i know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue
it in any way.473. no matter the cr of the monster, no naked pookie dances upon victory.474. black and decker does not make prosthetics. 475. can't trick the rest of the party intobabysitting my kids. 476. the alignment of 2 years olds is notautomatically neutral evil. 477. i cannot spay the vargyr.478. castillians do not always end their sentences with the word 'ariba!"479. as a matter of fact, dwarven battlegarb in no way resembles angus young's stage costume.480. i will not address fauner posen with 'jawohl mein liebenaffe'481. i am forbidden from doing anything that ends with a snarf, rimshot or spit take.482. no uploading porn to my co's hud.
483. no downloading porn from my co's hud.484. if the word 'mullet' appears anywhere on my samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed.485. my mossad agent's battlecry is not "torah, torah, torah"486. no how tough the encounter was, i will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to aminimum. 487. halfing mating rituals do not includebeer can crushing, power belching, or lynyrd skynyrd trivia.488. if i have to pull out of the dungeon because i'm low on hp, no filing workman'scomp. 489. no making up any strange hobbies justto get out of taking watch. 490. quoting bob dobbs while charging intobattle is unusual. quoting bob newhart is
right out. quoting bob dylan is just silly.491. if my faith is 4 and your faith is 2, that doesn't mean jesus loves me twice asmuch. 492. beer boy is not an acceptable hirelingfor the dungeon crawl. 493. i will not base any media character offmilo bloom. 494. i will not use a time machine to invadegermany on september 2, 1939 by surprise, securing dutch domination of europe.495. no supplying my own canned applause. 496. while bardic music can increase skillrolls, bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls.497. if somebody in the party has a wisdom or intelligence lower than 8, i am forbiddenfrom talking to them.
498. a firefight is not the best time to tellthe party my medtech has a fear of blood. 499. no inventing the minefield.500. my superhero will not spend points to fly just because he's too lazy to walk. 501. even if playing a game allowing animalcharacters, tai chihuahua is not a good concept. 502. if my name isn't grimlock, can't startevery sentence with "me grimlock" 503. dwarves do not get beard cancer.504. if the party is to frequently meet with queen victoria, i cannot play a texan.505. my warrior cleric will not pick his deity solely on the god's bab.506. mjy vjikjing skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.507. my character cannot give another character
the alcoholic disadvantage during play.508. i will not tell the noobie to roll his thaco.509. i will not base my superpowers off of christ. even if my character is nothing likehim. 510. after a bloody battle, i will not celebrateby lying down and making carnage angels. 511. when gm demands to know what my characteris doing, it better not be "the charleston" 512. the nationality of my favorite soccerteam does not add to my brawl skill. 513. trying to rip the face off the villainwill not get the scooby-doo ending. 514. no giving my roman gladiator the shortdisadvantage and naming him minimus. 515. i am not the lord of rodly might.516. not allowed to name my characters grimlock.
517. i cannot make called shots to their selfesteem. 518. affirmative action does not require meto play a drow. 519. dual wielding party members is also frownedupon. 520. under no circumstances is my medicaldroid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer. 521. i will not convince the entire partyto play amish for the cyberpunk campaign. 522. not allowed to parry at the wrist.523. when i'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'524. i will not ask my gun for advice. 525. running a non-stop rocky horror festfor staked vampires is outside the budget for most samedi.526. if an npc is known as the "one" i cannot
volunteer to be the "two".527. even if the rules allow it, i cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option fora forklift. 528. i cannot buy every single advantage duringcharacter creation. 529. my character is not from duncan, idaho.530. i cannot earn bonus xp for 'catching air' with an mbt. so stop trying.531. no making up gnomish subraces. 532. despite being a staple of comic bookseverywhere, i cannot teleport objects in front of naked people.533. i cannot increase my comeliness by growing a pornstache.534. when i level up, i just can't copy the guy next to me's choices.535. i cannot make a dungeon crawl easier
by opening a rival dungeon and hiring awayall his guards. 536. if a powergamer joins our crew, i willnot billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.537. the cause disease spell cannot inflict nitrogen narcosis.538. even if i spend the points, i cannot start married to any of the x-men.539. defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.540. a full minute of stunned silence means "my god what did you do?" not "please continue."541. when prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a validchoice. 542. no, i do not have time to carve thatmountain in the shape of anything.
543. there is more to buying rations thanramen, spam and beer. 544. i will not cast gate to bind an infernalcreature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.545. no going 100% tracer round on the hmg just because i like the pretty colors.546. dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.547. perform skill does not apply to the following: performance art, spoken word, or fan dances.548. i cannot have a "what would ao do?" bracelet. 549. it is not physically possible to cookoff an accordion. 550. dwarves can indeed tell the differencebetween their genders. 551. cannot install lojack on the dragonkin.552. if my character's drow wife finds i let
my niece appear in a gnomes gone wild video,my death will not even warrant a saving throw. 553. no matter how well i make my disguisecheck, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of rush.554. even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something.555. i will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone withhis quivering palm. 556. even though i'm the ranger, i can't stalkthe elf babe. 557. if they get a bonus to spot my gun witha geiger counter, i can't have it. 558. there is not a 'take your daughter towork day' for adventurers. 559. even if the ranger offers his sword,the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my
gnome can't offer his accordion.560. can't hire a sentient black pudding to be the ship's janitor.561. i can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce svirfneblin.562. "pass without trace" doesn't work on bad checks.563. i can't make anyone jewish with a called shot.564. the lutherans don't have an inquisition. 565. my vampire hunter can't have anythinghe saw on an infomercial at 3am on pbs. 566. when confronted with a haunted housewith bleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank.567. i cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish.568. my first wish cannot be "i wish you grant
all my wishes to the spirit and letter ofthe wish' 569. all 3 of my wishes cannot involve alpacas.570. the dm does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.571. i will not secretly maze the wizard's familiar, druid's companion or paladin's mountjust for a laugh. 572. even if the rules say otherwise, i cannotcarry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.573. improved evasion does not work against save vs. dm.574. "get dressed quickly in the dark" is not an advantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill,perk or merit. 575. even if i'm a near immortal demi-godwith the power to create entire worlds with
a thought, still bad to throw a party whendad's away without permission. 576. i can't use my sneak attack opportunityto cop a feel. 577. no matter how stupid the pc's comment,it doesn't provide an attack of opportunity. 578. rectomancy is not a school of magic.579. "pimp my death star" is not a real show, and i'd better believe grand moff tarkin knowsthis. 580. a sledgehammer does not give any bonusto my search for secret doors roll. 581. no filling the paladin's stocking withcoal on christmas to make him wonder what he's got to atone for.582. i can't thwart the rebel alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.583. can't intimidate the evil wizard just
by constantly summoning bigger versions ofwhat he's just summoned. 584. on second thought, a minotaur architectis a really bad idea. 585. no using psychic powers before the adventureto figure out who to take life insurance out on.586. cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.587. no taunting the 1st level magic user with "mighty bold talk for a guy with only4hp." 588. paladins are immune to stds, but if itake advantage of this ability, i lose it. wonderful paradox, isn't it?589. if my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the richter scale.590. i can't convince the rival party our
q-ship is just named that because it's pilotedby john delancie. 591. defibrillators do not allow me the useof the cleave feat. 592. no matter how well i roll, other pcscannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me.593. tensor's herniated disc is not a real spell.594. true to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill.595. i cannot pick a race with a prehensile anything.596. no dual wielding whips until i at least have proficiency with them.597. the party does not need to know about the time i woke up duct taped to the backof a drow matron mother.
598. any adventure that ends up with my characterbeing worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. retroactively if need be.599. cannot start the new adventure with me trying to run down who ever didn't show upfor the last adventure. 600. even if i'm a wizard, i still can't applyembarrassing tattoos to the npc. 601. if we run out of cannonballs armadilloswill not do in a pinch. 602. find familiar scrolls are not a substitutefor the hunting skill. 603. i cannot have any gun mentioned in thegeneva convention by name. 604. if my alignment forbids torture, thatincludes gnomish poetry slams. 605. even if this an adventuring party, ican't show up to the adventure drunk and wearing
only a toga, lampshade and half elf stripper.606. if my power is super growth, that includes my skin.607. a n-scale tuba player is not an appropriate miniature for my gnome bard.608. the answer to 'who's got point?' is not the fireball.609. no diety will let me use my nipples as holy symbols.610. i cannot name my character dwead piwate woberts.611. no initiating social challenges based only on the color of the werewolf's shoes.612. every time a pc takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing theoompa-loompa song. 613. i can't have a magic item i can't requestwith a straight face.
614. my superhero tank must be height/weightproportionate. 615. one close call with a mimic does notgive me the right to attack every door i come across.616. even if they are the same cliched acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun withbaking powder. 617. the forehead is not an appropriate placefor a kill count holo-tattoo. 618. no matter how much my humanity loss,a chainsaw is not a substitute for a bayonet. 619. no matter what the dice say, i can'tkill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.620. my blessed does not have the hindrance ailin': stigmata.621. no offering the old man and the farm
kid a better rate to alderaan.622. paladins make poor vikings. and vice versa.623. even if the rules allow it, i cannot play a dire gummi bear.624. when asked what my character is doing, it had better not be the vitakinetic.625. i must remember before the next time i shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard andglue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.626. dwarves are not proper substitutes for pufferfish.627. the gm decides if my character dies from a stroke, not me.628. i can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark.629. just because they are all into rock,
metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers.630. replacing the solo's bullets with blanks so he comes in dead last in bodycount isn'tfunny. 631. medicine cabinets are not the best placeto stash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty.632. when asked to tutor someone on his defense trait, can't keep punching him until he getit. 633. when told to choose my weapon in a duelwith the assassin, can't pick his weapon. 634. cannot recreate any scene in 2001: spaceodyssey involving women's lingerie. 635. arguments cannot end with the statement'alright, we'll settle this like penguins!' 636. recon means tell them what i saw, notslaughter all the monsters without them.
637. german characters do not gets 4 racialbonus to intimidate french characters. 638. the dm is not impressed by me spoilinghis well planned ambush by just casting glassee on the door.639. before hiding with all the werewolves to ambush the settite, make sure he didn'tleave the larp 4 hours ago. 640. even if he loves me too, chitti-chitti-bang-bangis not an appropriate choice for the romance background.641. casual attire does not include shoulder holsters.642. my character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.643. even if the rules allow it, i can't gain 1,000,000 xp with one forged check.644. no matter how much mousse i use, my hair
will never have damage resistance.645. my matter how high my faith skill, still can't take god as an ally.646. if the game store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over.647. any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'woodpaneling' is no. 648. can't marry off another pc more thanhalf a dozen times. 649. zero bodycount does not mean just theones they can find. 650. gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trickmore than once. 651. my alignment is not sarcastic good.652. my fighter cannot take the flaw: addiction- stabbing things.653. cannot wish for the party to have common
sense. even the wish spell has its limits.654. if the party goes into my room and finds a deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts andspurs, they can start the module without me. 655. when asked my position in the party,it's not 'whatever's closest to bangkok.' 656. a crayon is typically going to causea penalty to my forgery skill. 657. can't put a glass bottom on my tank toi can see the looks on their faces. 658. changing sexes is restricted to maleor female. 659. quoting ministry lyrics is not sop forthe gladius dei. 660. walmart is not my one stop shopping placefor hunting vampires. 661. the line on my character sheet for 'sex'is not for keeping score.
662. my paladin will stop referring to herdetect evil power as evildar. 663. even if i just rolled 832d6 for damage,still can't get a bonus to my intimidate check. 664. unlike real life, i don't gain the whirlwindattack to smack all my backtalking children. 665. my ww2 era mad scientist will pick anew target for his project other than manhattan. 666. when offered a dracheneisen item of mychoice, can't pick nunchucks. 667. no matter what the dice say, can't decapitatean aberrant with a straight razor. 668. at-st soccer games are strictly againstimperial army protocols. 669. cannot name boba fett as a godparentto any of my children. 670. while i'm fixing the x-wing, the brashpilot is still miffed about the y-wing loaner.
671. house kurita mechwarriors do not appreciateposters of godzilla taped over their optical sensors.672. teleport without pants is not a real spell.673. it's not necessary to install a portcullis in every single room of my castle.674. when deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifacts we discovered, ebay is notan option. 675. even if the rules allow it, i can't takethe identical twin advantage 22 times. 676. my character's primary purpose in theparty is not to just leech 1/6 of all the xp.677. elves do not have the racial trait: no gag reflex.678. distract the bad guy does not mean with
a recreation of the apollo landing.679. i do not have time in the black ops for break dancing, greco-roman wrestling or phonesex. 680. my axe doesn't go off accidentally wheni'm cleaning it. 681. even if he is a total blast, can't channelbaron samedi at a coming out ball. 682. can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.683. after finishing the cliched "new boss is villain" adventure, can't file for unemployment.684. my mummy can't take out multiple life insurance policies on himself and name himselfthe prime beneficiary. 685. the game of chicken does not involvethe polymorph spell. 686. my vampire hunter does not take the "un"out of "undead"
687. i cannot backstab anybody with a buickskylark. 688. even if the rules allow it, my paladincannot have the flaw: hatred- all living things. 689. the combat feats i can use with a batteringram are extremely restricted. 690. mordenkainen's dysfunctional family isnot a real spell. 691. no matter what the kids say, animatedballoon animals is a poor use of the create golem feat.692. the dr. jones school of swordfighting is not an appropriate swordsman's school.693. there is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the fellowship ofthe ring. 694. search the old castle means enter it,not level it with artillery and dig through
the rubble.695. buying the elf babe a trampoline and telling her it boosts her dexterity isn'tfooling anybody. 696. any plan involving strapping puppiesto my armor is vetoed. 697. no "accidentally" crosswiring the x-wing'sfire control and ejection seat switches. 698. during the black ops no accessing thetarget's hr files and getting babes' phone numbers.699. fed ex does not deliver to the keep on the borderlands.700. not allowed to use basic economics to crash the evil empire's economy by spendingall my swag there at once. 701. cannot take the moniker "the hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist"702. the banana of disarming is not a real
magic item.703. cannot sharpen ioun stones for increased headbutt damage.704. no using my hideously low charisma to get the villain to do the opposite of whati suggest. 705. need to stop using my reality alteringability to make every day mardi gras. 706. cannot base my barbarian after wink martindale.707. a throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.708. my paladin mini is vetoed if it's obviously private drake from aliens.709. any plan is vetoed if it was obviously inspired by boromir.710. my info gathering mission must include info that wasn't obviously obtained in a brothel.711. if almost all the words in my character's
background start with the same letter, he'svetoed. 712. when told to leave a trail for the restof the party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts.713. even if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler.714. i do not get a bulk discount on ninjas. 715. even if the rules allow it, i can't inventthe strip joint. 716. i cannot play a race the gm can't pronounce.717. i cannot start the game in post-apocalyptic poland driving a porsche.718. warnings given retroactively in battle aren't appreciated.719. a fluffy tail does not add to my comliness if i'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.720. don't have to include the line "and then
stab them a lot" in the plan; it's alreadyassumed. 721. even if my super power is invisibility,still have to provide a model for my character. 722. can't intentionally fail all my secretdoor checks so i don't have to play tomb of horrors again.723. if my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent.724. the time machine is not for finishing my set of disciple autographs.725. no, there is not a mr. of arc. no, i still can't hit on her.726. my black ops experience does not include panty raids and beer runs.727. cannot singlehandedly make starfleet academy the #1 party school in the alpha quadrant.728. not legal to retroactively challenge
anyone i just shot to a duel.729. cannot take the flaw obsession: elf chick's lingerie.730. no part of the plan includes: you give me the idol, i give you the whip.731. no matter how many called shots to the neck i make, i'm still not going to causea cool pyrotechnics display. 732. not allowed to trade in my x-wing fora gunstar. 733. cannot make a plan that hinges on thevillain first being allergic to peanuts. 734. my character's background cannot be awikipedia biography with "falco" crossed off and my character's name written in.735. adding hydrolics to my r2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.736. no taking the party to kara-tur just
because my character has a thing for asianchicks. 737. will not color code everything on theship just to piss off the vargyr. 738. though highly educational, no more slippingthe anti-paladin sodium pentathal. 739. can't make the blacks ops super easyby sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.740. not allowed to give my character a name from a bushman click language.741. not possible to tap a keg for mana. 742. apparently chaotic angry and neutralhungry aren't real alignments either. 743. even if the rules allow it, can't takesout an mbt with a shotgun loaded with slug. 744. my second wish can't be for a new, moreopen minded genie to grant my remaining wishes.
745. can't wish i was the gm.746. no making up holidays for my cleric. 747. can't just walk the obstacle course,even though i beat everybody who tried to run it.748. holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.749. there is not a spent clip fairy. 750. a bag of holding is a bad place to stashbear traps, badgers or crushed glass. 751. if the party has to pose as classicalgerman composers, i will not declare "i'll be bach"752. cannot take the spetum as my favorite weapon just because it sounds dirty.753. no encouraging swedish accents. 754. even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance,still can't pick up the bank and walk away
with it.755. there is a reason no game has pasties in it's starting equipment list.756. the power armor skill does not have a cascade skill dance.757. i will not build a character with a skill from every single expansion book.758. not allowed to take a toad for a familiar just for it's pharmaceutical properties.759. restricted to one blue chip for humor per game.760. can't use the time machine to rename famous historical discoveries after myself.761. not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring. 762. fighter can't put points in perform justso he can hammer dance after each fatal critical hit.763. no slipping the juicer ritalin.
764. in the middle of a chase in a commandeeredcar can't spend an action to change the radio presets.765. can't parry with a called shot to the face.766. no more crazy ivans while i'm driving the at-at.767. when challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone i'm currentlyin. 768. burning my bard song on cd and puttingit on repeat does not mean the effect never ends.769. before turning undead, make sure the assassin didn't take the vampire template.770. my mythos investigator doesn't talk in his sleep.771. mashed potatoes do not add to my damage
resistance.772. not allowed to base a paladin off lee marvin.773. my great axe priviledges can be taken away.774. if i've leveled up 5 times to the dragonkin's 0, that doesn't mean i'm lapping him.775. my investigator's motto is not "99% mythos lore, 1% sanity- don't push me"776. even if it was obviously in self defense, my character is not allowed to kill georgetakei. 777. tai kwan doberman is not a real martialart. 778. it is not possible to bioengineer a kosherpig. 779. even if we are in ravenloft, paladincan't go up ten levels in one night.
780. when told i have to join the rpga toplay in a game, can't sign the membership card "d. duck."781. my tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "calvinball with axes"782. my paladin's job is not to enforce happiness. 783. the following are also not acceptableironclaw characters: mortal wombat, dalai llama, boom orangutan.784. monks do not make 3 stooges sounds in combat.785. even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20 guys in one round with a musket.786. no i cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.787. "start a career in modeling" is not an appropriate use of the suggestion spell.788. "you take the scary one" is not our default
battle strategy.789. even if it's for his own safety, can't secretly remove the firing pins from the powergamer'sguns. 790. if i have access to warm water, i don'ttake watch unsupervised. 791. not allowed to give any birthday giftto a child that immediately earns me a dark side point.792. despite the movie's claims, wookies get no racial bonus for chess.793. when building a superhero, can't spend half his points on radar sense and the otherhalf on cooking. 794. pregen characters do not have cutesynicknames, even if their real names are pretty lame.795. improved evasion is not solid proof "duck
and cover" works.796. in the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molting cats intothe ceo's office. 797. if in the middle of our dressing downour co strokes out, we took the joke too far. 798. not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.799. can't hunt drow with a spotlight and 30.06.800. the default response to a social challenge in any game is not to just shoot them.801. we do not settle disputes in paper-rock-scissors with games of vampire.802. fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidate the monster.803. if my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the battleship texas, there's a problem.804. i cannot take the dementia: obsession
counting things if i'm not a malkavian.805. on second thought, i can't take it even if i am a malkavian.806. my character cannot have a noticeable impact, positive or negative, on a town'spopulation. 807. large dice are for rolling. not soundeffects. 808. covering fire does not include nuclearweapons. 809. i don't earn the bonus xp for a writtenbackground if it's just a summary of the plot to dig-dug.810. while the party is off searching for secret doors, can't position the slain orcsin compromising positions. 811. in the middle of a black ops can't reprogramthe cleaning droids to wax the floors for
12 hours straight.812. i don't have to take a lower level bard adventuring as my opening act.813. taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. not as a hand puppet.814. sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once.815. somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on two dozen shanks.816. the adventure wrap up is the epilogue. not miller time.817. cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. to the death.818. augment their psi means their mental powers, not their air pressure.819. taking each class as i level in alphabetical order is forbidden.820. even if the rules allow it, my paladin
can't serve the god of obituaries.821. my sorcerer will not take a level in druid just to make it easier to get to theflammable stuff. 822. if everybody in the room is in blackleather, we're in the thieves' guild. not a fetish club.823. even if infinitely useful, absolute power over elastics is not an appropriate superpower. 824. the back up trap handler is not the guywith the lowest int. 825. i cannot have bracers of brachiationuntil i tell the dm what brachiation really means.826. elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.827. my battlemech does not play dixie every
time i hit the jump jets.828. even if the mages critically fumbles his stealth check, can't threaten to bleedhim slow. 829. despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrustdoes not cause sanity loss. 830. even if we are in sweden, i can't useone blanket seduction check on the entire crowd.831. i didn't 'accidentally' forget to buy any skills.832. i will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the dm's super npc to footthe bill. 833. overrunning a larger army is not a gloriousvictory if it happened at 3am and they were still in bed.834. i will stop reminding elminster he's
not as cool as merlin, gandalf or that shapechangingwizard from krull. 835. i cannot lure out the psycho killer intoan ambush by having sex with another character. 836. no paraphrasing the party leader's elaborateplan as 'pick somebody you don't like and let them know it.'837. even if the rules allow it, i can't take the 1st armored division as an ally.838. doesn't matter how high my influence is; i still can't make carmen miranda hatspart of the unit's dress code. 839. in the middle of a black ops no insertinga memo into the target's computer mandating 'clothing optional mondays'.840. even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, i won't throw dynamitein every well i come across.
841. no more tricking rookies into puttingwhoopie cushions on lord vader's throne. 842. when handed dieties and demigods andtold to pick a god for my druid, i will skip right by the cthulhu mythos.843. it doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sendingthe dwarf into battle via catapult. 844. as a matter of fact, jeopardy does screenfor telepaths. 845. it's not a good idea to taunt greek heroeswith "who's your daddy?" 846. doesn't matter if it's an anime stylegame, i don't get a bonus to hit with eyepokes. 847. polymorph mother-in-law is not a realspell. 848. the caern is not "disneyworld as if runby coyotes"
849. the fbi tends to notice when people buyseveral miles of hamster tubing at once. 850. doesn't matter how practical, we aren'treanimating the dead dragon and having him haul that horde back for us.851. when plumbing the depths of depravity, i must remember to come up for air.852. any superhero offensive to more than two major religions is vetoed.853. even if i'm faced with yet another get of fenris lupus ahroun, i will not refer tohim as cliche guevara. 854. we will not take the dead dryad withus to use as kindling. 855. i will not keep reincarnating that bugbearuntil he comes back as something we can actually eat.856. a funeral is not a proper place for setting
new fashion trends.857. i will not disbelieve the magic mouth before he gives out the important plot information.858. even if it is hours of entertainment, can't feed the red talon peanut butter.859. i will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.860. under religion i cannot put born again klingon.861. i will not use undocumented zombie workers to help build my castle.862. bigby's offensive finger is not a real spell.863. even if there is no alignment in traveller, giving feuding tl1 tribes tl12 weapons andputting the results on ppv is just wrong. 864. my doctor's bag will contain more thanjust a bonesaw and a bottle of whiskey.
865. i do not put the cad in decadent, northe rave in depraved. 866. even if it's catchy, i don't have toyell my battlecry everytime i roll to attack. 867. we can't all play bards just to reliveour favorite spinal tap moments. 868. i cannot have a gun with an area of affectlarger than it's range. 869. richard simmons is not an appropriaterole model for a get of fenris. 870. i will not use my vast personal knowledgeof dublin, texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign.871. my halfling cannot take the flaw obsession: ring of invisibility.872. any gun that sets off the metal detector before i even pass through it is vetoed.873. i will not combine thermographic sights
and a gun that can shoot through walls. itmakes black ops too easy. 874. after cleaning out ravenloft, when it'smy turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle.875. if my superhero has a healing factor, claws, combat sense and longevity, he can'ttake the flaw total pacifist. 876. if i want to play a rampaging nordicwarrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, i can't play her like a rampagingnordic warrior. 877. even if i am playing a chick, i can'tspend all my starting cash on shoes. 878. rifts in the time/space continuum arenot for my personal amusement. 879. buying a bigger gun does not restoresanity.
880. searching the dead pc for spell componentsis ok. using him for spell components is not. 881. any character that can run the 2 minutemile is vetoed. 882. i will not convince the party to nameall the characters the same thing. 883. i do not need to see proof of insurancebefore making a medtech roll. 884. customs doesn't care what my charismabonus is. 885. halflings do not store food in theircheeks for winter. 886. elves are not deciduous.887. despite evidence to the contrary, half-elves do not automatically go both ways.888. breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.889. i will not try to regain sanity by nailing
the reporter chick in public.890. dwarves do not get roto-rooters as racial weapons.891. i will not brag too loudly i'm the real reason behind the sinking of the titanic.892. cultists tend to notice if you've replaced their summoning ritual with jitterbug instructions.893. invisibility is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes.894. i can't just keeping buy rounds of drinks until everybody passes out so i can rob them.895. i will not miss the final epic battle just because i crit my seduction check.896. polish is not a sub-dialect of gnomish. 897. any action causing the powergamer tostorm off while actually appreciated is frowned upon.898. healing people of other faiths gets a
penalty in deadlands. not serenity.899. i will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw withthe powergamer. 900. i will not fill the bag of holding withdirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them.901. in the middle of the black ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors ofthe building. 902. can't set the bad guy on fire until afteri've blown the persuasion roll. 903. if i fail to make a bluff check, can'tshoot him to change it to an intimidate check. 904. not possible to fire a gun with yourteeth. 905. humming the james bond theme in the middleof a black ops doesn't give me any bonuses.
906. they make platemail in a variety of styles.crotchless is not one of them. 907. can't use my attack bonus as a substitutefor the skill: hibachi chef. 908. i can't take telekinesis as an auxilarymode just to get free food from the snack machine.909. dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry "danger will robinsondanger!" 910. i will not convince the entire partyto play rockerboys so we can be a europe cover band.911. can't take a level of monk just for tone. 912. droogie is not a starting language.913. after casting my one first level spell, can't leave the dungeon to go sleep.914. can't bribe the biokinetic to take my
drug test for me.915. on second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the stormtrooper uniforms.916. a runic facial tattoos is acceptable for my berserker. not a betty boop.917. have one point in every single skill in the game doesn't count as a super power.918. can't clean out the dungeon by renting the adjacent dungeon and being as obnoxiousas possible. 919. goldfish do not get a bonus in a staredown.920. my mech gunner can't have a nude pinup in his cockpit. especially if it's of hispilot. 921. "but she's hot!" is not an acceptableexcuse for my black ops solo dating the tabloid reporter.922. no matter how much we look, we're not
finding the secret door leading to the backof the villain's hideout. 923. druids do not hibernate.924. before i make my next wish i have to ask myself: "is this going to shatter thevery fabric of reality again?" 925. any gun that can fire more rounds inone shot than i can physically carry is vetoed. 926. if given a stock npc, i must play himas written. so jar-jar has to lose the sarape and the cigar.927. i do not get a bulk discount at the jenny's guild.928. the flaw: odious personal habit- teleports into romantic moments is only available atthe maximum penalty. 929. telekinetic redhead chick is not a realsuperhero.
930. even if the rules allow it, i cannotcircumnavigate the world on foot in one turn. 931. there are no alignment restrictions onbecoming a lawyer. 932. nowhere in the bible does it say ninjashave to line up in a straight line to fight me.933. if escorting a high priority target, i can't biosculpt the entire team to looklike her. 934. nerve gas complicates fast talk rolls.935. cannot take the shape of any animal the gm doesn't know.936. 'the power of christ compels me' does not justify my blessed's actions.937. i cannot take life insurance out on anybody i have for the enemy background.938. psychotherapy doesn't eliminate the alignment
change penalty.939. just because i've hit name level does not automatically give me groupies.940. i will not abuse the exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routineswith random crowds. 941. in the middle of a black ops i cannotmake an educational video. 942. we do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawlfor the same reason miners need canaries. 943. i am not bjorn of borg.944. before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism, need to check with the wife.945. i don't get any equipment before the gm can google it.946. if australia doesn't exist, i can't use my australian accent. even if i am playinga space koala.
947. i cannot bet the powergamer he can'tfield strip the grenade faster than me. 948. even if the rules allow it, i can't catchdropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.949. i will not make my castle's halls 9x9x9' to keep out gelatinous cubes.950. the ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable. naming the character captainfranchise is not. 951. the most important stat in call of cthulhuis not movement. 952. keifer sutherland does not make numerouscameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.953. no matter how high my strength, still can't use that wall as a shield.954. i will not convince the entire party
to play identical copies of the same characteron the grounds we're sextuplets. 955. no matter his age, my bard can't starta boy-band. 956. despite the halberd being 6' long, itcan't hit monsters more than 5' away. 957. even if it's been more than two hourssince we left the bar, the dwarf isn't getting the dt's.958. no matter how practical, i can't have shotgunchucks.959. the town drunk is not our one stop source for all mythos happenings in every town.960. i will not base my call of cthulhu character off the lead character in slingblade.961. even if i am pissed for working on my birthday, in the middle of a black ops i willnot refer to my co only by his first name.
962. if i don't have an instrument for mybardic song, an 'air mandolin' won't suffice. 963. after critting with a cannon, we can'tdump a barrel of gunpowder over the gunner's mate.964. elves aren't marsupials. 965. even if we're freezing to death, i won'tcut open the half-orc and shove the elf inside him.966. using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusingthe power. 967. there is no such thing as a tequila golem.968. a paladin with a british accent is acceptable. one with a peter lorre accent isn't.969. when i'm allowed a bunny as a familiar, that doesn't include ava fabian.970. i will not make a super hero that requires
a graphing calculator to create.971. i cannot take the flaw enemy: random packs of wild dogs.972. "threesome" is not a specialty of the seduction skill.973. shotguns are not a traditional part of texas funerals.974. if short changed at the hong kong deli i will call the manager. not roll for initiative.975. there is something wrong with a 2nd level kamikaze.976. i was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement.977. disable plot device is not a real skill. 978. nowhere in the plan does franco go inwhere the others have been. 979. mumus do not appear in the starting equipmentlist for a reason.
980. as a matter of fact, a 90' tall hostilepineapple is much more terrifying than a dragon. 981. my last wish cannot be for ragnarok.982. trailblaze means find a path, not cut down every tree between here and there.983. elves do not take 1d3 1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle.984. in the middle of a black ops i cannot moonlight as tech support.985. even if it isn't in the rules, i have to use the same scale miniature as everybodyelse. 986. i cannot switch miniatures between eachcombat. 987. even if starving, can't suckle the elfchick. 988. david bowie cannot cast glitterdust atwill. this issue is also closed.
989. when asked to describe my character,i can leave out the hickies. 990. even if he botches his medicine roll,i can't sue the medtech for malpractice. 991. "kiww the wabbit" is not a proper vikingbattlecry. 992. the rest of the party would appreciateit if i didn't take munchhausen syndrome by proxy as a flaw.993. even if the rules allow it, i can't empty out the entire castle for a week with justa cherry bomb. 994. corporate pop whore is not a real prestigeclass. 995. drakkar heartgourger is not a propername for a paladin. 996. dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.997. i can't beat on the drow until he admits
his name is toby.998. the script for the baywatch movie does not cause more sanity loss than the necronomicon.999. i can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules.1000. i will stop referring to the powergamer as minmaximus. 1001. no matter how bad the game is going,i won't stradle the table like slim pickens riding a bomb.1002. foam finger of death is not a real spell. 1003. i cannot start with an armor class higherthan my actual age. 1004. not permitted to die from essence lossduring character creation. 1005. even if i bought the book at walmart,i don't get a discount on advantages.
1006. if i take the poison immunity advantage,that doesn't include radiation. 1007. that whole expedition to the barrierpeaks? dream sequence. 1008. texans do not get revolvers as a racialweapon proficiency. 1009. no matter how many points i put intothe skill, can't use sword swallowing to parry. 1010. stone giants don't have heat sinks.1011. even if we are facing yuan ti, my battlecry cannot be "cobra!"1012. note to self: lightsaberchucks...bad idea1013. the expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.1014. i will stop blaming every massacre we come across on decepticons.1015. despite what the rules say, berserking
does not improve my aim.1016. even if spells are use them or lose them, i will not waste meteor swarms on agoblin. 1017. i will not lay siege to cinderella'scastle. 1018. elves do not get viking funerals.1019. even if we have more ammo than fuel, i still have to cut down the tree with thechainsaw, not the hmg. 1020. if we have to add a new pc mid-campaign,he doesn't have to pass a drug test first. 1021. can't use the jedi mind trick to convincethe stormtroopers the droids over there are the droids they are looking for.1022. can't start the game with 24 hours to live.1023. the bluff skill is no substitute for
actually knowing the spell.1024. slings make poor thongs. and vice versa. 1025. if i have two cyberarms, they have tobe on different sides. 1026. my character cannot gain a level throughnepotism. 1027. i will not use the d20 system to testthe validity of any kennedy assassination theory.1028. my character has mastery level in singing. i do not.1029. i will not convert to eilistraee just so i can watch naked drow chicks getting theirgroove on. 1030. no matter how much he pisses me off,i will not raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law. 1031. just because my superhero game has 18stats and yours only has 3, doesn’t mean
mine is 6x better.1032. monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.1033. holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangsta style’ does not add to my intimidate check.1034. even if i wait for the ninja to jump at me, i can’t crucify him with a repeatingcrossbow in a single round. 1035. if at any point in his lifespan my charactercan clear out every single cave of chaos in one single round, he’s vetoed.1036. my druid can't summon or change into a skunk. no seriously, it’s not allowedin the rulebook. 1037. kangaroos are poor substitutes for taun-tauns.1038. there is no such thing as a viking assisted suicide.1039. jury summoning i is not a real spell.
1040. i can not name my character anythingthat was suggested by tom servo. 1041. doesn’t matter if i’m just usingto spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.1042. erasing the compass on the map and redrawing it in reverse does not mean the villain willstart building his evil railroad backwards. 1043. ninjas do not have a hive mind.1044. no matter how much ammo i start with, i can’t impact the total world supply.1045. we will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like invideo games. 1046. we can’t stabilize the dying villainbefore we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.1047. if my troll is the smartest character
in the party, the entire party is vetoed.1048. i will not attempt to overdose on rogaine so i can disguise myself as a wookie.1049. i can’t summon anything in mm4 just so i can take a bathroom break while the dmlooks it up. 1050. if the weapon has the 3-handed trait,i don’t get a sidekick just for the extra hand.1051. as a matter of fact, the high and tight buzz cut doesn’t exist in exalted.1052. i’m not automatically eliminated from the crappy module if i guess the wrong murdererlike in clue. so i should stop making random accusations.1053. i was not raised by a pack of feral ironclads.1054. i will call the elf druid by his real
impossibly long elf name, and not just llanowarleafblower. 1055. i will also not simply refer to theelf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie. 1056. there is no such thing as a dwarvenbattle perm. 1057. canadian is not a real language.1058. when i get to the custom weapons creation section, i will keep turning those pages.1059. even if the villain is lawful evil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn’tgoing to work. 1060. i will go into the villain’s lairand take him out the old fashioned way. not just wait outside his favorite bar with arifle. 1061. in the middle of a black ops i do nothave time to put a banana in the exhaust port
of their av-9.1062. even if i think of something the demi-lich isn’t immune to, he’s immune to it.1063. even if my character sheet says otherwise, i can’t max out the party with delta classcyberware immediately after character generation. 1064. even if i can prove at least a halfdozen practical uses for it, i can’t have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl.1065. even if we are playing in the new republic era, i can’t call dibs on boba fett’sarmor. 1066. if the gm’s wife is in the party,i’m not allowed to hunt anything cute. 1067. i do not get to put remote detonationswitches into the weapons of any pc’s i build them for.1068. i cannot have a handgun that starts
out doing more damage than most people havewounds. 1069. i do not have to check before each adventurethat my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers, cylons or pod people.1070. even if we are womprat hunting, we don’t have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.1071. i will go take out the villain’s dungeon the old fashioned way, and not use magic toreroute a river into it instead. 1072. after rerouting a river through thevillain’s lair, i will not pan for gold wherever the river comes out.1073. just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn’tmean i have to take advantage of it. 1074. despite the name, i can’t actuallywear a cloaker. but i will fail to notice
the cloak weighs over a quarter ton.1075. metal detectors don’t automatically find cylons.1076. when told to dress like a goth i will make sure with no uncertainty whether theymean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.1077. there is no such thing as a weresaxophonist. 1078. if 48 straight hours of pistol whippingdoesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won’teither. 1079. a tattoo gun is not standard equipmentin a mapping kit. 1080. the cryokinetic is forever banned fromwater balloon fights. 1081. even if the rules allow it, my sumowrestler can’t take super human attractiveness.
1082. there is no such thing as a brothelcrawl. 1083. my irsan will not use his powers tohelp fill out wikipedia articles. 1084. my sumo wrestler can’t have lap bandsurgery without affecting his martial arts skills.1085. “everybody wang chung tonight†is not an acceptable use of the mass suggestionspell. 1086. tornadoes don’t have hit points.1087. even if i take twice as long, that doesn’t mean i can take 40.1088. i cannot try and throw large blunt objects at malkavians, kobolds or kender. or theirplayers. 1089. even if the game is a crappy rip-offof world of warcraft, my character can’t
speak in leet.1090. even if i roll a natural 20, i can’t jump the grand cannon on a stock steam roller.1091. in the middle of a black ops, if a character dies i will not disavow knowledge of him untilafter the mission is over. 1092. if the battle goes for 20 rounds, wedon’t have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield.1093. i will not tell the rookies they can roll down their y-wing’s windows.1094. my wizard does not need to shout out the name of what he’s summoning every timehe picks a creature. 1095. anything short of adamantine full plateis not considered light armor for dwarves. 1096. in the middle of a black ops i can’tstart a major corpwar just because i’m bored
stiff with the current run.1097. even if he used int as a dump stat, i don’t have to carve ‘this end towardsenemy’ on the barbarian’s axe blade. 1098. if i’m in an assault mech, bump draftingis discouraged. 1099. after a successful black ops, beforei’m paid i will not immediately adopt a dozen children for the tax breaks.1100. i cannot wish that someone else was an oscar meyer weiner.1101. i will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.1102. 1980’s break dancing moves have their place. in front of the vodacce prince is notone of them. 1103. just because i was paid in advance doesn’tmean i can let the incompetent expedition
leader die.1104. there is a limit to how much innuendo i can fit into one combat round.1105. even if it is just my character speaking, i will not claim texas was stolen from mexico.i will live longer that way. 1106. i cannot put nodens on speed dial.1107. i will not attempt to clear out the dungeon using only bangalore torpedoes.1108. picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously.1109. i will not do anything that bilbo baggins hates.1110. even if i have enough, putting silencers on my minigun doesn’t work.1111. there is no such thing as a magic murder bag of holding.1112. i will stop referring to the eladrin
as just the elf mk ii.1113. i will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explainthe embarrassing sucking chest wound. 1114. i will not take a phobia of anythingthat doesn’t exist in the game world. 1115. if i have an ability that lets me alterminor aspects of my appearance, that doesn’t include girth.1116. add bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.1117. can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll of kodak film, no matter what we all knowit’s made out of. 1118. in the middle of a black ops i willnot use up all the claymores just because i don’t want to take them back with me.1119. i cannot have my mercy surgically removed.
1120. even if i’m in charge i can’t orderthe assault lance to perform west side story dance routines.1121. if given a holy avenger sword, i can’t melt it down and reforge it into a weaponmy paladin actually uses. 1122. even if it still give a combat bonusto everybody else, i can’t just stand there and read a comic book behind the villain.1123. in the middle of a black ops i can’t call my girlfriend to remind her to pick upsome chinese on her way home. 1124. i will leave out mating rituals whenpresenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors.1125. letting the red shirt guard the plane is really frowned upon as it doesn’t leaveanybody to sacrifice to the shoggoths.
1126. cannot start the campaign on fire.1127. will not start all my skills at 89% just so i get massive san boosts early.1128. i cannot rickroll people with any video that increases their mythos lore.1129. i will refrain from casting dimension jump and magnificent mansion on every policebox we pass. 1130. i cannot wish we were playing the previousedition of the game. 1131. summoning a water elemental right abovethe fire elemental doesn’t work. 1132. there will be no more debating how muchxp mr. tumnus would be worth. 1133. i cannot be the bizarro version of anotherplayer. 1134. nowhere in my barbarian’s descriptionwill i include the word “jauntyâ€
1135. my eshu does not get bonus frequentflyer miles automatically during character generation.1136. doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn’t going to take out the tarrasque.1137. i have to go into the dungeon, not just send in dozens of summoned creatures everymorning. 1138. fireballs don’t have a non-lethaloption. i will ponder this after i’ve cast one at that guy we needed alive.1139. my weapon is a 3 flaming flail. not my great balls of fire.1140. i will not use a portable hole to cheat at golf.1141. in the middle of a black ops i will not look at the target’s hr files to seeif they have better benefits.
1142. i will not use the mage’s staff ofwizardry in lieu of a pool cue. 1143. torching the forest doesn’t get meany xp for anything inside the forest. 1144. i cannot have any gun that lets me killthe villain without being in at least an adjacent county.1145. a 2nd level commoner is not twice as common as a 1st level commoner.1146. if we don’t have a thief, i can’t call aaa to slim jim the dungeon entry door.1147. i will lick the rodian’s antennae and stick him to the wall while he sleeps.1148. no matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducingthe target. 1149. during the psi-jump my neutral can’tdo mean things to the psions while they are
tripping.1150. i will not try to feed the qin extremely salty food to see if he melts.1151. our mission is to rescue the princess. not to bring sexy back.1152. even if given detailed instructions on pages 50-51, can’t take cloud city ona joy ride. 1153. i can’t wish to change my vote onwhat module we’re playing. 1154. bass line is not an acceptable performskill specialty. 1155. thri-kreen do not have the flaw obsession:pretty lights 1156. the party leader is not the one thatlooks best in a chainmail bikini. 1157. i can’t ‘make it rain’ beforethe invention of paper currency.
1158. if i make a cowboy with the young ‘unflaw i can’t name him sioux. 1159. if i don’t have any points in medtech,i can’t try faith healing. 1160. we will not end every adventure witha public service announcement. 1161. if my character requires the gm to memorizethe rules for siege warfare, he’s vetoed. 1162. we can’t trade the ranger for a giant,pirate or padre. 1163. i am forbidden from using more thanten sourcebooks to make one character. 1164. i will wait for the gm to finish hisincredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly.1165. i can’t wish for somebody to publish the rules for gnomes or bards.1166. the time machine is not for collecting
autographs.1167. i can stop rolling at 7x dead. 1168. i am forbidden from doing anything thatmakes a passerby flinch. 1169. if even the rules allow it, i can’thave my uneducated peasant start with every known language.1170. if the rules contradict isaac newton, newton wins.1171. i will not send the villain a fake message his mother is coming then attack him whilehe’s cleaning. 1172. my brooding costumed vigilante can’ttake the flaw dark secret: well adjusted to society.1173. despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, dick clark is not shemsu-heru.1174. even if i spend the points, i can’t
take the u.s.s. montana as an ally.1175. my knight will not buy a shetland pony just so he can use his lance underground.1176. i will remember the spiked chain cheesemonster is allergic to the improved sunder feat.1177. i will stop asking npc’s how much xp they are worth.1178. the seduction skill does not have a to hit on roll.1179. no matter how well i make my bluff check, the star destroyer crew isn’t going to believei’m the new captain. 1180. dressing up the wizard as the monk stillwon’t stop monsters from appearing beside him and attacking him first.1181. when asked what game we want to larp, frogger is not an option.1182. chewing hoagga leaves does not make
me a goddammed sexual rhinodon.1183. no it won’t help if we put a silencer on the bazooka.1184. when approached by a famous historical figure, i can assume he’s a time travelerand not a zombie. 1185. paladins do too urinate.1186. in the middle of a black ops my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with thetarget’s copy machine. 1187. it’s okay to feed the ewok after midnight.1188. flash bangs are not to be handed out to trick or treaters.1189. a stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas.1190. i will not conga line the pattern. 1191. super powers that are only useful toart majors are vetoed.
1192. my last wish cannot be for a cage matchbetween cthulhu, godzilla, galactus and the tarrasque.1193. i will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop.1194. i will not go to ftl just to avoid the red lights.1195. i will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on the price is right.1196. even if we cleared it out, we can’t turn white plume mountain into a theme park.1197. even if the rules allow it, i can’t put a spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle.1198. i cannot have a destroid that requires me to take the ally advantage two dozen timesjust to crew it. 1199. stan lee does not have to make a cameoappearance in every single adventure.
1200. even if i make it out of one continuousdesign, a dracheneisen castle doesn’t count as one object.1201. ‘just blow them out the airlock’ is not a backup first contact protocol.1202. even if it’s totally feasible, i can’t indefinitely stall our rivals with a bureaucracycheck. 1203. my panzerhand doesn’t get a vote.1204. smartass is not a character role. 1205. i can’t have any feat in the mainbook if the feat is written in pencil. 1206. in the middle of a black ops i can’tdownload several thousands songs on the target’s computer and then call the riaa.1207. there is no such thing as ‘ambiguously elven’1208. even if he is chaotic evil, i can’t
turn state’s evidence against a fellow partymember. 1209. even if the boss monster has 100% magicresistance, my wizard can’t go catch a movie. 1210. i will keep rolling until i get a superpoweri can actually use. 1211. i cannot have any gun that has an npconly trigger guard. 1212. even if they’d never suspect it, myjedi can’t have a flamethrower. 1213. no, we can’t see if the party canbeat temple of elemental evil in under an hour.1214. i will stop trying to put the halfling in a diabetic coma.1215. if i’m just a few xp from 16th level, i can’t just cast fireballs at random forestsuntil i hit something.
1216. i can’t have a gun that treats buildingsas light cover. 1217. no matter what the dice just said, ididn’t kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.1218. elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.1219. penguins will not fit in the standard ether jar.1220. the vulcan neck pinch doesn’t work in campaigns without vulcans.1221. just because my sword is intelligent doesn’t mean he can do my math homeworkfor me. 1222. it's a strangehold. not an ogryn neckpinch. 1223. ussuran women are not instantly recognizableby their beards.
1224. even if the rules allow it, i can’thit stone with the stone cold stunner. 1225. having more beer than the enemy doesn’tgive me a morale bonus for the mass combat chart.1226. no feat allows me to open beer cans with my pects.1227. the death star does not need a cabin boy.1228. ‘overused clichã©â€™ is not an appropriate favored enemy.1229. i cannot gain drama dice in games i’m not actually in.1230. it’s okay if you name your kindred alucard. but i still can’t name my garounamflow. 1231. no matter how low orc intelligence,they aren’t going to fall for a large wooden
horse outside the gates of mordor.1232. “head, heart, run†is not our posse’s motto.1233. no matter how much sense it makes, we can’t paint the glitterboy a camo scheme.1234. my first act as xo can’t be a mutiny. 1235. not allowed to use the replicator andtransporter to fill the bird of prey with jello.1236. i can’t take invisibility to detect invisibility.1237. my fighter can’t use the monster manual as a to-do list.1238. no making up patron saints. 1239. no part of the adventure is clothingoptional. 1240. no matter what the dice say, i didn’tjust seduce chun li. and cammy.
1241. it takes more than one pick pocket rollto totally derail the campaign. 1242. i can’t wish that somebody competentwrote this module. 1243. even if the game is dreadfully repetitive,our party is motto can’t be ‘wash, rinse, repeat’1244. i will not point out the drow matron would make more money as an exotic dancer.even if it’s true. 1245. must at least pay lip service to themetaplot. 1246. it’s not possible to stampede dwarves.1247. when told to pick a published superhero to play, johnny cash is not allowed. paulstanley is perfectly acceptable. 1248. there is no such thing as a strap onbeard.
1249. it doesn’t matter if he took the largeadvantage, we aren’t using the ussuran as ballast.1250. i will address the other pc as lord tyrion, eldritch knight of the winter court.and not just as the sidhe male. 1251. even the rules disagree, my charactercan still drown. 1252. i cannot take the following as my favoredenemies: southpaws, mother-in-law or keynesian economists.1253. even if i’m being shanghaied into playing a rather crappy campaign, can’tuse constitution as a dump stat. 1254. we aren’t luring the arasaka agentsout of the safehouse by making ice cream truck noises.1255. splitting the atom at will is not an
acceptable super power.1256. ‘ignore the metaplot’ is also not an acceptable super power.1257. no, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.1258. can’t base my character off a smurf. 1259. even if i could base my character offa smurf, ghurka smurf was not a real smurf. 1260. no matter what the dice say, my renaissanceinventor didn’t just invent manned space flight.1261. if the villain’s three room lair holds over one hundred brutes, can’t just tipoff the fire marshal. 1262. no rerouting the roller coaster throughthe umbra. 1263. can’t blame it on my gun.1264. will not retrofit my federation starship
with fuses.1265. heavy bolters don’t come with a pistol grip.1266. i will stop referring to my rogue as a freelance subterranean locksmith.1267. the lockpicking kit must be more than a sawed off shotgun.1268. dwarves are physically incapable of performed the dance of the seven veils.1269. even if the guy i based my character off was famous for doing it, i can’t killeight guys with one bullet. 1270. weapon focus: nukes is not a real feat.1271. there will not be any sex in other player’s battlemechs.1272. my paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn’t watch exactly wherehe lays on hands.
1273. any character that makes a seasonedrifts player flinch is vetoed, and shall never be spoken of again.1274. i can’t check the soul forge in as baggage.1275. will not reanimate dead familiars just to keep them around for sentimental reasons.1276. freeing slaves out of justice is good. out of spite, not so much.1277. no i can’t have an h. r. giger counter. 1278. an elf wardancer chick in nothing butbody paint is totally hot. a vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.1279. basing characters off gestalt of historical characters is fine unless it’s miyamotomusashi and the mom from what’s happening. 1280. gold dragons do not conduct electricitybetter than other dragons.
1281. the two primary types of halfling arenot flathead and phillips. 1282. my mad scientist does not get to dividethe party into control and test groups. 1283. for the last time, the elf wears themaid disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.1284. there is no such thing as a gnomish pygmy seeing eye rhino either.1285. just because i can play a charismatic vestenmannavnjar missionary cleric, doesn’tmean i should. 1286. my buddhist monk will lose the cockneyaccent. 1287. let’s not taunt the minotaur with‘how appropriate, you fight like a cow’ 1288. i will spend my martial arts techniquepoints on things other than blocking and running
away.1289. even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy.yes, even if i have one on each barrel. 1290. i will refrain to take character rolesthat the game forgot to make any rules for. 1291. just because i’m playing an anthropomorphicemperor marmoset doesn’t give me the noble advantage for free.1292. cannot bribe the target’s hr director to start casual fridays just to make our upcomingblack ops easier that week. 1293. i can’t avoid plot mandated ambushesno matter how hard i try. 1294. no i can’t have a magelock mini-slugger.1295. i will not spend all my freebie points buying quantakinetic auxiliary modes.1296. no we can’t weld the star destroyer’s
bridge shut.1297. there is a 100xp penalty every time we remind the gm of the bionic six.1298. if the adventure includes the birth of a god, we still can’t file for holidaypay that day. 1299. in the middle of a black ops i can’tcompose an offensive joke on the target ceo’s email and cc the entire company.1300. if the gm can’t lift all the gurps books needed to run my character, he’s vetoed.1301. the 10’ pole in the starting equipment list cannot support the weight of an exoticdancer. 1302. scorched earth day is not a holiday,even in cyberpunk. 1303. nothing in victoria’s secret catalogis available in dracheneisen.
1304. even if they are better in combat accordingto character generation, the usmc frowns on octogenarians in front line combat.1305. no amount of background will allow me to name the character biff buttoms.1306. state troopers are immune to the effects of the delirium, so i need to find anotherway out of that speeding ticket. 1307. no matter how well i make my fashionroll, l’empereur is not going to the ball dressed in a catholic school girl’s uniform.1308. everybody was not gun-fu fighting. 1309. even if my character is canadian, thatdoesn’t mean he can take a 1.524 meter free step.1310. i will pick my character’s girlfriend based on something more than how much firesupport she can provide.
1311. i will not one shot an eisenfurst.1312. the plan will not continue until the gm finds out who zan tabak is.1313. i will do nothing that tarnishes hello kitty’s memory.1314. gravity defying breasts, while impressive, do not count as a super power.1315. even if my character is orthodox jewish, i will check other characters’ pulse beforetrying to bury them. 1316. a nascar pit crew cannot repair allmy vehicle’s damage in one round. 1317. my character will refrain from appearingwith hitler in any history books. especially if i’m chasing him with a wheat thresher.1318. fauner posen’s boy toy is not technically a position at court.1319. i will only use the module’s suggested
tactics to stop the ground assault and ignorethe squadron of y-wings 100 meters away. 1320. there is no such thing as a ballista-o-gram.1321. i will not accuse the traveler news service of liberal bias.1322. the ewok does not appreciate the giant hamster wheel we put in his quarters. ingrate.1323. i will not spend my entire muster bonus on lottery tickets.1324. if another player took the disadvantage: stutters, i can’t play a k’kree.1325. black and decker does not make droids either.1326. i will not blow all my points on extra limbs just so i can play the superhero “millipedeman†1327. just because the great race of yith’seffect on sanity is minimal, doesn’t mean
i should invite them over for dinner withthe folks. 1328. the very concept of a hutt lap dancerwill earn me a dark side point. 1329. the m203 is not for long range bocceball. 1330. getting someone to spot for me is notgoing to give me a bonus on a strength check. 1331. i will not hex someone into lookinglike a piã±ata. especially in mexico city. 1332. even if silence is required for theentire adventure, we are not naming the black ops operation: mimecrime.1333. i will tell the noob the game is about post nuclear europe and not love struck vampiresbefore we start. 1334. you cannot tell if somebody is a powergamer by the faint smell of gouda.
1335. i can not filibuster in the middle ofmy dying speech to buy the cleric more time. 1336. even if we are told to pick a manlyname for the game, genocidicles is a bit much. 1337. can’t lure the bastet into an ambushby turning on the can opener. 1338. jack lalanne: wrong type of juicer.1339. if unsure of what side of the road we drive on, the middle of the road is not ahealthy compromise. 1340. brute squads make poor bridesmaids.the reverse is not necessarily true. 1341. even if the rules allow it, i cannotbecome famous for not being famous. 1342. there is no god of wombats, no matterhow much i pray. 1343. if i have to explain to the halfling’ssister why we dressed him like a raccoon,
we’re all in trouble.1344. no matter how cool it would be, we can’t use the time machine to loan ike a few a-10squadrons for d-day. 1345. i don’t get a drama die just becausethe gm pees. 1346. i will not waste wishes on professionalsporting events. 1347. hooking up with the gamer chick thestoryteller was angling for gets me banned from the game.1348. when attempting to lure the giant to sleep with a bardic lullaby, i will leaveout the lyric “so we can kill you.†1349. i will not program the medical droidfor “aggressive dentistry.†1350. i will not dare the wage mage into tryingto summon a class 20 spirit.
1351. guardian mode is not just for flippingpeople the bird in the middle of battle. 1352. even if we are issued a nuke, i'm notallowed to touch it. 1353. i will stop trying to get a realitytv show for our black ops team. 1354. we are not going to stall 10,000 uruk-haiwith a fake tollbooth. 1355. pointing out the massive plothole inthe villain's plan is not going to stop her from attacking.1356. before we start, let's make sure whether everybody blows up if i shoot a shield witha lasgun. 1357. preliminary saturation carpet bombingis not automatically plan a. 1358. even if i only get to swing a swordonce per minute, i can't stop to smoke between
attacks.1359. i can't call my gun by a stupid nickname, even if it's the one that the game suggested.1360. woodchippers, while useful, aren't normal gear for a black ops.1361. i will not tell the new players gelatinous cubes come in a variety of yummy flavors.1362. the cleric is not tax exempt. 1363. no matter how much fun, we are not retrofittinga tank with jumpjets. 1364. i cannot mint my own currency.1365. just because they make a miniature with that ability, doesn't mean i can take thatability. 1366. i will not use the mass suggestion spellto make the elf babes to make out. 1367. gnomes are not nature's tripods.1368. dwarves do not groom themselves like
cats. or baboons.1369. elves do to have nipples. 1370. halflings are not used as currency.1371. "biggio leans into pitch" is not a real kung fu maneuver.1372. even if the rules allow it, i cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.1373. if we can't fit the droid in the freighter, i can't play him.1374. no matter i well i make the animal handling roll, i can't break in a juggernaught of khorne.1375. setting jawas on fire with a magnifying glass is an automatic dark side point.1376. motorcycle tires will cause aggravated wounds on a case by case basis.1377. no feat affects hang time. 1378. we will limit the total amount of conversationon the topic of "hot gnome on gnome action."
1379. i will not threaten to glue the oldrules for gnomes over the new rules for elves mk ii.1380. even if the rules allow it, i cannot disarm someone in melee with a longbow.1381. i will just not dump the vampire in the umbra and call it a day.1382. growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.1383. portable plothole is not a real magic item.1384. i will not start a ponzi scheme involving the entire party.1385. even if i couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still myfault. 1386. the stanley cup does not have the samepower as the holy grail, even on canadians.
1387. the mmorpg convert doesn't actuallyhave to role play in his first game. 1388. characters wanting to join the partydo not have to undergo the flash gordon tree monster ceremony.1389. i cannot have a palanquin in my starting gear.1390. having a reputation for having a reputation does not grant me more reputation.1391. i will quit hogging the legend chips. 1392. no digging out all the bullets in mycharacter and reusing them. 1393. no using the grapple rules to changethe course of history. 1394. i will not take on the entire dungeonusing only one body part to attack. 1395. eldar really hate it when you greetthem with "live long and prosper"
1396. no matter his condition, we aren’tselling the villain’s corpse as modern art. 1397. count on a back up villain if we acethe first one in two rounds without damage. 1398. i will not give my preteen kids my worknumber, especially if i’m on a black ops. 1399. the monkey grip feat doesn’t haveanything to do with gripping monkeys. 1400. winona ryder’s bare breasts are notan acceptable weakness for my super hero. 1401. i will stop shooting at natural disasters.1402. no spending all my starting gold on just a loincloth.1403. can't use dominate to make vampires forget to change their clocks for daylightsavings time. 1404. i will not spoil the adventure's mandatoryambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout".
1405. it's obvious i'm just playing a skaldso i can sing "bjeorning, bjoerning, disco inferno"1406. the primary dwarf subraces are sedimentary, igneous and metamorphic.1407. i will not vote to play a game that has needed a rules decision from an economist.1408. even if the rules allow it, i cannot fence with a katana.1409. i can't have a skill if the rules say i can't have, even if the rules say i'm alsogood at it. 1410. bleaching the drow won't help.1411. despite what the rules say, bobsledding through the vatican is much harder than itlooks. 1412. i will not make the dm break out thesiege rules until i'm at least second level.
1413. even if the dungeon has only one exit,can't just starve the villain out. 1414. a black ops is not the appropriate placeto declare my candidacy for mayor. 1415. carpet bombing is not an appropriatespecialization for a starting character. 1416. the guy with the meltagun doesn't automaticallyhave to carry the popcorn. 1417. i do not have time in the black opsto play tetris with the building lights. 1418. the elvish language is not just englishwith a hell of a lot of lisping. 1419. i cannot convert to scottish just fortax purposes. 1420. doing 50 in a 45 does not cause an alignmentcheck for the paladin. 1421. gods don't tap out.1422. montaigne aren't required to surrender
after the second turn.1423. eisenfurst wishce didn't appreciate the lap dance.1424. i will keep the fact the king's heraldry looks like a ferret in need of the heimlichmaneuver to myself. 1425. lying about benefits being cut are notgoing make the guards too disgruntled to fight back later.1426. i am not "he who must not be named only in passing."1427. it is not a race to 0 san. 1428. no spending half the game session seeingwhat rhymes with nyarlathotep. 1429. even if i did manage to work all thelyrics to 22 acacia avenue in character in the game, no bonus xp.1430. if the party goes out like 300, that's
cool. thelma and louise not so much.1431. when the dm sobers up, my paladin's flumph mount is as good as dead.1432. using my prior knowledge of the adventure to force the game along while encouraged,is discouraged. 1433. zentradi are not good eating.1434. emergency supplies are not for childish pranks.1435. the "dibs" system is not a recognized method of promotion in the ordo malleus.1436. in case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brotheron standby. 1437. high recoil guns and roller skates arenot an accepted method of transportation. 1438. you can't find true names in a phonebook.
1439. if the top floor is too well defended,can't just blow off the next to top floor. 1440. can't start the game with echolocation.1441. i will not wait until the first combat to tell the new guy that the lower his acthe better. 1442. in the middle of a black ops i don'thave time to elope. 1443. wizards do not have to save againstcarpal tunnel syndrome. 1444. my ally advantage and arch enemy flawcan't both represent the same person. 1445. if i take a buddhist monk i get lotsof combat bonuses that i can't use without violating my religion.1446. even if the rules allow it, can't catch bullets with my pects.1447. my bard will not take a trombone just
so he can attack and use his bard song atthe same time. 1448. no such thing as preemptive last rites.1449. any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomedto failure. 1450. cannot summon an elemental out of anymaterial that only exists in a laboratory environment.1451. cannot name my droid weg-d6 1452. despite it's phenomenal success rate,a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems.1453. when the dwarf has an idea, no making the "he's drunk" motion behind his back.1454. the paladin does not appreciate us painting his dire tiger green and orange.1455. like a cow who goes to the well to often,
i will stop speaking only in metaphors.1456. will not blow all my skill points on just ballroom dances.1457. i will remember the japanese response to uncomfortable situations is to giggle,not a kick in the kiwis. 1458. the ability to mimic other people'sluck powers does not make me a karma chameleon. 1459. even if the game is set in 1912, thefemale characters get a vote on the party's action.1460. even if the rules allow it, can't fish with a flamethrower.1461. i will not insist on playing a lam pilot just to see if the robotech lawyers were reallyserious. 1462. dwarves do not have the racial abilityto merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf.
1463. i will not take resources 0 and status5 and just confiscate money as i need it. 1464. cannot use the requisition skill toget a beach house in the virgin islands, even if congress can.1465. my sideburns cannot earn their own fear rating.1466. i must sing my kids to sleep before the black ops.1467. i will not sing other characters' kids to sleep before, during or after the blackops. 1468. none of the summon animal spells willget me the drummer from the muppets. 1469. no crossclassing just to get all thedifferent animal sidekicks. 1470. will not break it to the other playerher 3 1/2' elf is not taller than my 3'6"
tall gnome.1471. the party will not enter into a tontine, that just encourages the evil players.1472. no matter what the rules say, i can't chase the villain around the map indefinately.1473. when i'm told to get an alias, they didn't mean that chick with the azure bonds.1474. the concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.1475. there is more to playing a finn than cellphones, reindeer and sniper rifles.1476. even if i have a salient point, i won't call the rush limbaugh show in the middleof a black ops. 1477. if i'm playing an alien, i can't havealkaline for blood. 1478. burning orb spell doesn't cause jockitch.
1479. using the time machine to put 'w' atthe front of the alphabet is silly. 1480. i will not add the restriction "onlyto cook eggs" to any of my super powers. 1481. the island of small breasted fantasyfemales does not exist. 1482. even if detroit can do it, i can't addthe trait "randomly bursts into flame" to my car.1483. there is more to stopping a zombie horde than punji pits.1484. just because i can, doesn't mean i should drop a house on the witch.1485. no amounts of dots in fashion will let me use my bio-varg for formal wear.1486. i cannot convince the entire party to play squats.1487. i cannot take a sidekick if all he's
gonna do is trail us with a high powered rifle.1488. dropping a tree on the lich creates more rules problems that its worth.1489. my bard will not stop every passing minstrel for a round of dueling banjos.1490. i will not use the ventriloquism skill to deliver bad news to the emperor.1491. even if the rules allow it, can't add the high speed pursuit option to a steamroller.1492. i will not turn the dm into a drinking game.1493. no metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells.1494. when playing a teleporter, i will buy the ability to actually teleport.1495. i will not just buy the ability to teleport everybody but me.1496. when i'm out of character, the hand
puppets come off.1497. i will not use the time machine to make "don't blame me, i voted for tilden" bumperstickers. 1498. shooting him in the foot first doesnot give me a bonus to the ridicule check. 1499. even if historical accuracy is importantin the adventure, i will not become the nazi nazi.1500. i will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown. 1501. i will not take the mirror image spellliterally and just shoot the wizard that's not left handed.1502. my first wish can't be to invalidate the previous character's last wish.1503. despite what the rules say, it doesn't
take 45 minutes to choke a 10th level fighterto death. 1504. i cannot take the parachute skill untilsomebody invents the parachute. 1505. we are not going through the phone bookto see who's name is a killing word either. 1506. it is not automatically assumed whatevervehicle my cop commandeers is a monster truck. 1507. north equatorial kansas is not a realstate. 1508. nowhere in the timeline is superflymcboomboom a us vice president. 1509. no part of the constitution is writtenin invisible ink. 1510. the movie phone guy can't be the voiceof the ship's computer. 1511. no using the time machine to set the"star spangled banner" to anything by white
zombie.1512. my canine officer can't spend his animal requisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas.1513. i will not shoot a great old one just to say i did it.1514. i will make it abundantly clear the guy playing my mortal enemy is a good friendin real life. 1515. the pope does not have cyberpsychosis.1516. i will not wish we were still playing torg.1517. checking to see if the mad slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgunis overkill. 1518. my sniper will not kill all the badguys before the rest of the party is in range. 1519. in the middle of a black ops i can'tsell my niece's band candy to the hostages.
1520. i will tell the noobs the storytellerwasn't joking about kicking people in the jewels for macking on jailbait.1521. while not lethal, ferris wheels aren't exactly healthy to vampires.1522. outside of kingwood community college moose antlers do not mean 'out of character'.1523. stain glass windows are not a standard feature on panzer tanks.1524. the spell extract water elemental doesn't work on water elementals.1525. i will not waste critical successes on drumming.1526. can't use my pistols to communicate in morse code.1527. there is no patron saint of the dodecahedron. 1528. i can't ask the bad guy if i fired 40,000rounds or just 39,999.
1529. there is no such thing as a thirty-sevensexual1530. we are not sneaking in mordor dressed as tour guides.1531. even if it does take the thief 10 minutes to search the room, that's not enough timefor a quickie. 1532. if its cheaper to buy a new gun thanreload the old one, there's a problem. 1533. even if the rules allow it, can't havea belt fed pistol. 1534. i will raise my hand if i've alreadyheard the the dm's riddle. 1535. the spell is called prismatic spray,not taste the rainbow. 1536. before we start the dungeon crawl, idon't have to have my monk oiled down. 1537. my rogue trader does not need to announcehis arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1538. my mage can't just sleepwalk to getaround resting for spells. 1539. when the power gamer sleeps, can't movethe camp down the road. 1540. can't lure out house laio mechwarriorsby announcing a chinese firedrill. 1541. while highly effective, grabbing hisa man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frownedon. 1542. my superhero didn't survive the purgeof supers by just playing left offensive guard for the detroit lions.1543. my warhammer doesn't have a claw part. 1544. not allowed to just blow the supportsunder menzoberranzan. 1545. no matter how appreciated, i have tohave a better super power than 'cures cancer
by touch'1546. i can't spend ship points to put a starbucks on the bridge.1547. i will stop making up space marine chapters. 1548. my netrunner's icon has to be somethingother than the space invaders ship. 1549. the totalitarian government tends tonotice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.1550. the dirty harry 'feeling lucky punk' speech doesn't work with a longbow.1551. during the black ops all cell phones go on vibrate.1552. my lunar class cruiser has more than one bathroom.1553. i can't wish my girlfriend was hot like you.1554. archvillains don't care about zoning
restrictions.1555. no matter how well i roll on my intimidate check, france won't surrender.1556. i do not have weapon proficiency in craftsman.1557. i will not horde electrum in 2nd edition because i know it will be phased out.1558. no dire marmot mounts until they publish the rules.1559. any mention of life day gets everybody a dark side point.1560. my character is not addicted to the feeling, the shindig, or love.1561. not possible to tattoo the ceiling of the sistine chapel anywhere on my body.1562. weapon codes mean bludgeoning, slashing and piercing. not ballistic, serrated andpneumatic.
1563. dwarves have to take the platemail offbefore sex. 1564. superspeed gives immunity to friction.1565. shapechanging is an acceptable super power. shapechanging only into the '93 sandiego padres is not. 1566. bunk cards are not for 3 card monte.1567. i don't get to play anybody's shadow. 1568. werewolves normally do not have accessto the 'sonnet' specialization. 1569. the opening lyrics to rock of ages arenot an acceptable substitute to a real plan. 1570. no signing infernal contracts in disappearingink. 1571. can't bluff the empire at hoth withjust a whole bunch of snowmen. 1572. the navigator has warp sight. not insane-o-vision.1573. attempting to woo the space elf clown
does not turn the adventure into a harlequinromance. 1574. i do not have to scan the romulan ambassadorfor cooties. 1575. apaches do not settle arguments by indianleg wrestling. 1576. i will tell the new player fantasy gamesmeans gnomes and wizards not assless chaps and jumper cables.1577. the degauss gun is not a real gun. 1578. every time the halfing gets a criticalhit i don't have to feed him a snack. 1579. no one in the party gets to name theircharacter kurgen mcasskicker. 1580. i will not spend 30 minutes of the gametrying to buy an accordion. 1581. i will stop using crew as hit points.1582. i need to stop telling new players bards
were the original prestige class.1583. even if the rules allow it, can't take a prestige class at level 4.1584. even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.1585. vegepygmies are not a part of this complete breakfast.1586. the progenitor's job is not just to supply 'the good stuff'.1587. there is no way the iteration x mage is going to make it through airport security.1588. it's not ok to stick the syndicate agent with the check every single time.1589. we aren't calling the nwo agent at odd hours just to answer trivia questions.1590. we will buy a gps already so we don't have to drag the void engineer everywhere.1591. rokea do not make pacman noises when
they attack.1592. if the solar cringes, it's time to reassess my alignment.1593. even if the rules allow it, i can't build myself an imperator titan.1594. flak armor is not just a muscle shirt with the word "armor" stenciled on it.1595. we aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enoughyet. 1596. even if she's the most dangerous, theparty doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first.1597. devils don't appreciate natural 20's on a bargain check.1598. if my gun can easily kill everything in the room, i go last in initiative.1599. there is no prize for having the prettiest
werewolf.1600. even if the rules allow it, i can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.1601. cephalopods do not get bonuses to attack japanese women.1602. druids have many roles in the party. minesweeper is not one of them.1603. i am not el vago the gay blade. 1604. when told to pick a number between 1and 10, the answer is not pi. 1605. i cannot have a bluetooth telegraph.1606. if my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.1607. they do not sell tire spikes at kaybee toys.1608. i cannot kill any man in a way made famous by rutger hauer.1609. even if i am captain, i can't have my
men portage my frigate.1610. if the gm says 3d6 straight down, he didn't mean it if that gives me a pixie fairyberserker. 1611. even if she started it, no setting theprincess on fire. 1612. there is no such thing as boobs +1.1613. no matter how much they enjoy it, no juggling halfling children.1614. i will stop telling the noob the star wars universe celebrates people explodingat the age of 25. 1615. despite what the rules say, a dracheneisenlife preserver is a bad idea. 1616. despite what the math says, elves donot gestate for an entire decade. 1617. i will not take the flaw enemy: paranoids.1618. any character even remotely resembling
mr. b natural is dead before the first diceare rolled. 1619. if the elf is rolling badly doesn'tmean we need to water him. 1620. i will not use the druid's chakram toplay frisbee with his dire wolf. 1621. no using the reduce spell to only tobuy a child's ticket at the movies. 1622. militech does not have a wedding registry.1623. can't thwart the cylon's massive attack just by installing norton antivirus.1624. it is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a black ops.1625. verbena weigh more than a duck. 1626. my character's favorite color is notburnt umber hulk. 1627. getting a blue chip for humor does notentitle me to an acceptance speech.
1628. if all the players have to pool theird6's so i can roll for initiative, time to retire the character.1629. i can't medal in ass kicking. 1630. starships do not have to drop anchor.1631. starfleet's rules on using the holodeck for recreating scenes from caligula are veryclear. 1632. i will not blow all my starting cashon just housecats. 1633. if plan a was 'beat it out of him' planb can't be 'just ask nicely' 1634. if it's revealed shakespeare was theauthor of funky cold medina my time machine privileges are revoked.1635. no bioengineering dolphins to shot laser beams out of their blowholes.1636. animals native to australia are not
eligible for my druid's companion.1637. 'dibs' is not a term of bereavement. 1638. using the dwarf as a battering ram isexpected. other siege weapons not so much. 1639. no giving a character a dumb name sohe can pick fights over it later. 1640. there is a limit to the number of adjectivesi can attach to an uppercut. 1641. no matter what it says, my intelligentvorpal sword is not getting rewarded with a candy bar.1642. no matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode.1643. despite precedent, if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.1644. even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete killing sprees dressed like carmenmiranda.
1645. one more bad pun for a character nameand i'm forbidden from playing in the furry rpg.1646. i am not wombatman. 1647. any character requiring the gm to tabmore than 10 pages of rules for reference is vetoed.1648. even if we are playing in the old west, can't spend all my money on leather, whipsand barbed wire. 1649. i can't free the cannibals' prisonersby starting a food fight with them. 1650. venting non-essential crew to the voidbefore payday is not an acceptable cost cutting measure.1651. no teaching halflings how to fly. 1652. my negamagician will not taunt the wagemage brer rabbit style.
1653. the power gamer would appreciate menot bringing the book with the rule he is grotesquely abusing.1654. a warning shot is not one that just wounds him.1655. no using the halfling as a grappling hook.1656. starting a flame war on the internet is bad. starting a flame war not on the internetis much, much worse. 1657. my halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.1658. the words "rock opera" will not appear in any of my wishes.1659. just because he has specialization in observation skills does not mean 'he likesto watch'. 1660. even if we just stole all their alkalinechemicals, that does not mean all their base
belongs to us.1661. cleaning out the dungeon means more than just backing up a cement truck to thewindow. 1662. no starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.1663. there is no such thing as a 'bad touch attack'1664. if my rogue trader manages to arrive before he leaves, no cleaning up on the lottery.1665. i will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back tothe station. 1666. if if takes more than five minutes forthe debris to stop falling, i need to pick a smaller gun.1667. when told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing wham over their commlinks.1668. when told to distract the bad guy they
didn't mean by shooting the guy standing nextto him. 1669. when told to distract the bad guy theydidn't mean by setting him on fire. 1670. dungeons are not handicapped accessible.1671. before entering the dungeon i will take off the "i'm with tasty -->" tabard.1672. i will remember the incredible luck super power is illegal in vegas.1673. i will not start dating another character's archenemy.1674. i cannot start the game radioactive. 1675. if an enemy fails a stun check, thatdoes not give me a free hit for flinching. 1676. before i get it on with the green chick,i'll make sure she's supposed to be that color. 1677. before i sass the power gamer, makesure the other players got my back.
1678. i don't get any xp for anything i killedin a flashback. 1679. no amount of character points lets mestart as the beatle's bagpiper. 1680. the point of the improvised weapon skillis not to see how many different things i can kill people with.1681. just crossing his fingers behind his back is not an option for my paladin.1682. snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.1683. killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. killing them by drowningthem one at a time is an alignment check. 1684. no making up euphemisms for death.1685. there is no neurotic book of fantasy. 1686. dodge everything while standing stillis not a real spell.
1687. no following a minute behind gold leaderand just shooting down vader. 1688. just because he starts every game ina tavern doesn't mean the barbarian needs rehab.1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's gdp does not go to hair care products.1690. i don't get double xp if i kill the monster with explosive decompression.1691. true sight doesn't tell me what the npc's treasure type is.1692. buying the alternative identity advantage is perfectly legal, unless it's elvis.1693. when asked to describe my room, can't use smaug's lair as a template.1694. debauchery is not a stat. 1695. can't load the shotgun just with rocksalt because i'm feeling mean.
1696. yes, les paul is a guitar god. no, hecan't grant spells. 1697. can't use the decanter of endless waterfor water skiing, the jacuzzi, or a wet tabard contest.1698. andorrans are not closely related to smurfs.1699. the astromech appreciates it if we'd stop using him for ordinance delivery.1700. even if the rules allow it, lawful good deities don't appreciate human sacrificesto them. 1701. can't clear out a dungeon by sneakingin and running a generator while they sleep. 1702. even if it's historically accurate,can't try to heal someone by cutting them. 1703. the time machine is not for findingringers for our baseball team.
1704. even if we're playing werewolf: thewild west, can't play the lone ranger. 1705. if my boss wakes up to find a youngfrank sinatra won american idol, no more time machine for me.1706. before anybody makes a demolitions check, i will raise my hand if my skill is the highest.1707. in the middle of a black ops, can't play 'will it bounce' with the penthouse furniture.1708. no bringing up the time we were nearly tpk'd by a jerboa.1709. even if its really cool, no throwing dry ice on the water weird.1710. mooning m. bison is not an appropriate stunt action.1711. i will not spend all my starting cash on the stock market.1712. can't take out the villain by just propping
a bucket of acid over his door.1713. it is not necessary for the villain to say 'uncle' before i accept his surrender.1714. my martial artist has to actually know a martial art.1715. can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks afterhe's starved to death. 1716. summon para-legal elemental is not areal spell. 1717. the spell summon vacuum elemental isnot for household chores. 1718. i don't have to name everything we discoverafter myself. 1719. i can't forge out a new elven homelandby conquest unless the elves want a new homeland. 1720. contrary to popular opinion, the girdleof masculinity/femininity does have a noticeable
effect on elves.1721. the minute the gm figures out my inquisitor is lennie briscoe, he dies.1722. no building a gatling gatling gun. 1723. my martial arts style is vetoed if itsjust thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.1724. no matter how well i make my animal wrangling roll, can't saddle break a los diablos.1725. no god's vestments include gogo boots. 1726. if i kill more goons with my rifle thanthe rest of the party without firing a shot, time to retire the character.1727. when facing the classic weight balance trap, can't use the halfling for ballast.1728. can't have a gun that doubles as a jump jet.1729. "large things that hurt badly? is not
an appropriate focus.1730. no putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.1731. if i take the blowgun, i at least have to poison the darts.1732. even if the rules allow it, can't start a vestenmannavnjar dixie land band.1733. dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory. then setting him on fireis not. 1734. we aren't continuing the mission untileverybody is clear on the term "going in hardcore" 1735. "come here often?" is not what you saywhen rescuing the princess from the necromancer's dungeon.1736. can't name my rabbit familiar watership. 1737. there is no par on a dragon.1738. even if i write it, can't have my own
theme song.1739. the rules don't cover laugh tracks. 1740. if the villain performs a kind act,can't blackmail him with it later. 1741. klingons don't have a french accent.1742. we aren't relocating the campaign to texas or florida for tax reasons.1743. no taunting characters about what they lost in the latest errata.1744. can't one shot major villains just because the writers forgot to give them a basic defense.1745. contrary to popular belief, mercenaries don't help divorce proceedings.1746. even if my culture has no spoken language, the campaign will not turn into a game ofcharades. 1747. there was no conspiracy to keep walesout of 7th sea.
1748. can't target microscopic organisms withspells. 1749. if my character is a hard drinking,hard partying muslim chick, it's vetoed is she's clearly my ex.1750. a barbarian is not just a fighter with less feats and more anger management issues.1751. lord soth just does not need a hug. 1752. no summoning octopi to make the sleepingpaladin explain all the hickies. 1753. no challenging sleeping people to aduel. 1754. no hogging all the brute kills.1755. calling my shot means 'where i want to hit him' not 'where i want him to land.'1756. despite what the module says, not every woman in this campaign is a closeted lesbian.1757. the princess' menstral cycle doesn't
factor into her rescue.1758. dr. suess has no place in an exorcism. 1759. doesn't matter what i just killed withit, the howitzer is not going to qualify for holy relic.1760. no risking profit factor to buy groceries. 1761. star destroyers are already baby proofed.1762. if my character causes camelot to look like king lear he dies.1763. if i just rolled the same chart result 8 times in a row, i will lie about the resultif i do it again. 1764. no spending stunt points to play 'yoink!got your nose!' on a genlock. 1765. even if my co does it, a unitard isnot an appropriate sas uniform. 1766. no starting a character with 4 swordsmanschools.
1767. no i can't google the villain's secretweakness. 1768. my monk can't convince the bad guysto go streaking with him just so they're easy to beat up later.1769. i can't disarm the monk. at least not literally.1770. i don't have to be faster than the other investigators. they have to be faster thanmy bullets. 1771. if my actions singlehandedly put thedrow on the endangered species list, time to retire the character.1772. no using eharmony to find a cleric for the party.1773. can't use a wish spell to make the last star wars trilogy not suck.1774. battle mauls can't double as coup sticks.
1775. just because i spared the villain'slife doesn't mean she owes me a first date. 1776. they don't make weapon grade schnauzers.1777. no using goldfish as improvised weapons just to get the dual weapon bonus.1778. i don't have to buy a child seat to take the halfling anywhere.1779. using nuclear weapons in assassinations is just being lazy.1780. no using the friendship virtue to start a harem.1781. beatlemania is not an acceptable dementia. 1782. i will remember we're playing 4th editionand stop using my imagination. 1783. distracting the bad guy does not meanwith an aztec bar mitzvah. 1784. some grizzfarb says i have to stop makingup gnomish profanities.
1785. i can't play an anthropomorphic homosapiens. 1786. albanians do not count as furries.1787. i will stop telling people my high elf is just a drow with a bad case of vitiligo.1788. even if it takes an hour before it's my turn again, can't kill time with solitaire.1789. doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.1790. can't find the villain just by casting power word stun in the bar and see who's stillstanding. 1791. can't make the genie's head explodeuntil everybody else has had their wish. 1792. let's keep the collateral damage tounder a billion dollars. 1793. a comeliness under 15 doesn't mean ican't be on mtv.
1794. can't use party members for ante.1795. not possible to corner the market on weapons they don't have rules for yet.1796. the halfling language is not just baby speak.1797. getting the dwarf fixed isn't going to improve his disposition.1798. can't start every game breaking out of jail.1799. they don't make healing potions in diet. 1800. i will not point out any loophole thatarouses the powergamer. 1801. when challenged for rank, can't makethe challenge 1970's nba trivia. 1802. leave off the chaotic evil alignmenton the teaching application. 1803. can't convince to party to play frankiegoes to hollywood. not their music, the actual
band.1804. the epic villain killing weapon requires a quest to obtain, not $35 at pruett's gunsand ammo. 1805. i won't mention a celebrity that causesanother gamer to go all stalker. sorry in advance jeannie mai.1806. before we start a band of pirates, make sure the game isn't set in a landlocked nation.1807. even if the rules allow it, i can't have a saber toothed walrus.1808. even if i buy enough for everybody, snuggies alone will not raise crew morale.1809. if i get to pick my position in a star spanning empire, can't pick fire chief.1810. even if the rules allow it, can't be on good terms with an organization sworn todestroy me.
1811. doesn't matter what i rolled, my orkcan't have a space surfboard. 1812. not using any emission from the barbarianas flamethrower fuel. 1813. my troll's biography will not includethe phrase 'sweet, sweet love' 1814. my battlecruiser does not inclue a discotheque,bowling alley, imax, or strip joint. 1815. can't have a gun capable of using otherpc's as ammo. 1816. the druid doesn't have to change sidesevery time the tide changes. 1817. can't target the starship's radiator.1818. can't make a bluff check to convince the monster i actually hit him.1819. strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. not the whole keg of gunpowder.1820. let's not see how far i can lower crew
morale before the game begins.1821. even if the rules allow it, the soviet national anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirationalmusic ability. 1822. when told to play a teenage high schoolgirl, that doesn't include east german swimmers named sergi.1823. despite what you'd think, taking out a child molester with extreme prejudice doesn'trestore my humanity. 1824. 'getting uppity' is not a capital offense.even to a rogue trader. 1825. no taking peace activists as favoredenemies just because they are easy targets. 1826. before we have the bard loot the dungeon,make sure he's clear on the spelling. 1827. no starting fight club.1828. remember to take the helmet off before
i use the acid spit ability.1829. darth vader does not need his air filter changed.1830. deer season is restricted to rifle or bow. not greco-roman.1831. drunken master is a feared martial artist. a drunken journeyman is not any 5th leveldwarf. 1832. no result on the impact critical f chartreduces a foe to base elemental components. 1833. if we're short on cash no starting atelethon. 1834. star destroyers don't have help desks.1835. can't take poison immunity, coat my food with cyanide, and see who's been stealingmy lunch from the fridge. 1836. a talking animal sidekick is okay. onethat sings disney tunes is roadkill.
1837. i won't ask how a 9' combat monsterwith no concept of subtlety starts with a +1d in stealth.1838. can't lure ninjas out of hiding with a game of marco polo.1839. even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down atme causes a penalty to stealth checks. 1840. doesn't matter if i get bonuses foreating fallen foes, no spending requisition on condiments.1841. no using ventriloquism to trick the khorne berzerkers into slaughtering each other.1842. you can't suplex a lictor. 1843. can't land the drop pod on the villain.1844. even if the rules say otherwise, i can't actually use 500 grenades in a single mission.1845. i will use the security skill to open
the door, even if it's easier to just ripit off its hinges. 1846. if the ork makes his check to solvehigher mathematics, his head doesn't explode. 1847. no picking a sorcery that is actuallyunplayable as written. 1848. slapping a fake mustache on the freebootadoesn't count as a disguise check. 1849. there is too an elven word for monogamy.1850. there is also an elven word for heterosexual. 1851. can't use woodchippers as shotguns againstvampires. 1852. afros are not acceptable haircuts foradeptus astartes. 1853. i can't chew gum during chapter briefings,even if i brought enough for the entire space marine chapter.1854. tsr is not hiding golden tickets in
mystara gazetteers.1855. using a barber's razor as a weapon does not make me a barbarian.1856. i will refer to the radar contact as a blitzer-72 mbt, and not as a tpk in a can.1857. no unloading all my remaining ammo in the last bad guy so i don't have to carryit back with me. 1858. the answer to 'how to spell sousaphone'is v-e-t-o. 1859. no challenging death to a game of tic-tac-toeuntil he gets bored and quits, ensuring my immortality.1860. summary execution man is not an appropriate name for a super hero, even if it is accurate.1861. can't take a favored enemy i can't kill for another ten levels.1862. even if the rules allow it, i can't
hip shoot a cannon.1863. i will stop asking the ultramarine why his chapter's primary color isn't ultramarine.1864. even if paladin starts with p and that rhymes with t, it doesn't stand for trouble.1865. no wasting music man references on a 10th grader.1866. even if the rules allow it, can't have a poisonous lascannon.1867. can't have a gun that reduces people to rorschach tests.1868. playing the who doesn't give me a bonus to forensic checks.1869. you can't count coup with power weapons. 1870. if i'm invited to play a one shot witha new dm, can't play a serious straight laced character.1871. no tricking the techpriest into dividing
by zero.1872. my rogue trader can't upgrade his ship with a ice rink, duck blind or vomitarium.1873. stormtroopers will only fall for the broken comlink trick so many times.1874. even if elves are a dying race, can't start a forced breeding program.1875. before i make the seduction check, i will reread the description of the swingingknack. 1876. i will stop telling the new playersgnomes came from sverfneblia. 1877. i will stop asking the high elf fora hit. 1878. elves are not all backstabbing, untrustworthyweasels, but you never hear about a dark gnome do you?1879. the halfling's natural enemy is not
the pedophile.1880. elves are not piercing weapons by default. 1881. no shooting the quarren at the startof the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly.1882. the monk counts as adamantine when attacking, not when being used as a battering ram.1883. even if the rules allow it, my fighter can't carry a clan of halfings in his packwithout penalty. 1884. if a pc gets taken out by a deer, can'trecruit the deer to replace him. 1885. considering we don't have a tardis ora bag of holding, we can stop speculating on how they would interact.1886. can't trick the gm into starting a conversation between the doctor and inspector columbo.1887. if i use the leap skill to individually
jump over every goon in the room, when i reachthe other side i can't demand to be made royalty. 1888. even if the rules allow it, my marinecan't requisition a rolex. 1889. slapping a meltabomb on the emperor'schildren marine and putting his resulting efforts to get it off on youtube gets me acorruption point. 1890. my rogue trader doesn't have spend requisitionpoints on feminine hygiene products. 1891. dreadnoughts don't get conjugal visits.1892. no matter what the module says, slaughtered and dissected scientists cause more san lossthan frozen dogs. 1893. can't take speaks in third person quirkjust so i can use the lyrics to battery as an attack plan.1894. no mounting my rival's anti-gravity
plating on his ceiling.1895. the escaped fugitive background doesn't include from disney teen musicals1896. even if they have blond hair, blue eyes and are proud of their physical perfection,aasimir don't appreciate seig heils. 1897. assist other actions helps in combat,not with crossword puzzles. 1898. no hiring anakin skywalker some twilekhookers, thus removing his reason to become vader.1899. the target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot.1900. verbena are not water soluble. 1901. even if my jedi has a scottish accent,can't have a plaid lightsaber. 1902. playing a gamorrian doesn't violateanybody's religion.
1903. no ruining the game by informing thedm the yellow power ranger is dead. 1904. prepping for the adventure means memorizingspells and buying gear, not coming up with a safety word.1905. no nailing the gm's girlfriend's character. 1906. i will ask permission before performingan autopsy in another character's hideout. 1907. no putting the villain's fake bio onmatch.com and letting the stalkers do my work for me.1908. no matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasionbonus just because she puts out. 1909. combat boots don't give bonuses to cprchecks. 1910. i don't need to know the melting pointof orcs.
1911. even if the rules allow it, i can'tone shot guys with a feather duster. 1912. no more surprise parties for the berserker.1913. can't postdate a letter of marque. 1914. can't abuse the boggan's weakness toget free babysitting. 1915. the following are not acceptable specialtiesfor a weapon master: mustard gas, cheese grater, sardonicism.1916. even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns.1917. "the ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower.1918. no using the time machine to give nostradamus a sneak peek at the future. again.1919. there is no needing for a dark brooding vigilante of the night in lancaster, pennsylvania.1920. "shakedown" is not a art skill specialty.
1921. in the middle of a black ops can't runup the target's cable bill by ordering ppv movies on his tv.1922. can't air hump the king from behind while he's performing demagoguery.1923. electrokinetics are not allowed anywhere near the president's teleprompter.1924. despite what the rules say, shooting other pc's in the head does not improve morale.1925. can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me.1926. dm's don't appreciate being dubbed. 1927. can't filibuster other characters.1928. nobody is going to buy the disguised wookie as a jawa with a pituitary problems.1929. ayn rand has no affect on my alignment. 1930. the wizard's familiar does not haveto save vs. leg hump.
1931. mkvi armor's drawback is not randomchicken noises. 1932. i will stop telling people the elf isopenly fey. 1933. no part of the elven cloak is actuallymade out of elves. 1934. breaking the fourth wall doesn't requirea strength check. 1935. it's not possible to become addictedto healing spells. 1936. you don't have to be lawful evil tobe sentenced to devil's island. 1937. not my fault if you can defeat the labyrinthby just making right turns. 1938. when the game designer asks me my opinionabout the new edition of his game, open weeping is not appreciated.1939. even if the rules allow it, can't parry
an artillery barrage with my fists.1940. blasting the distress signal from orbit is forbidden, even if it would have avoidedthe last six ambushes. 1941. qunari aren't automatically angeredby the color red. 1942. can't distract the villain by sendinghim a text. 1943. i will not attempt to gnomeoform faerun.1944. even if the king is represented by a miniature, i can't put him in checkmate.1945. no prisoner gets special treatment, even if he does look like robert goulet.1946. no improvising, winging or fabricating funeral rites.1947. can't use teleport to convince the villain's henchmen he's seeing things.1948. having an electrotech in the party doesn't
mean i get to leave my phone charger at home.1949. can't free the hostage with a surprise game of red rover.1950. not allowed to start the campaign having sex, especially with another pc.1951. can't use the international date line to get around once per day restrictions.1952. there is no bluff check in the world that gets around divine retribution.1953. a lifetime subscription to cosmo is not an elven racial bonus.1954. swedish accents are great for vikings, ninjas not so much.1955. no tagging the sleeping dragon with "bilbo was here".1956. if we end up playing illuminated martial artist superheros protecting the mad landsfrom the chtorr, we will reselect the source
books again with our eyes open.1957. there is no way to diplomatically ask the gaius if he's going to finish that sandwich.1958. dwarven breast milk is not 180 proof. 1959. no using the time machine to make christthe keynote speaker at an atheist convention. 1960. i will not use the commune spell tofind out who is john galt. 1961. no spending more points than the villainto make his assistant more loyal to me. 1962. there is more combat than a called shotto the face with a double barrel, despite what the dice say.1963. if i can't use the dwarf to beat a guy to death, that includes beating him againstthe dwarf. 1964. no talking hastur into suing voldemortfor trademark infringement.
1965. can't send the party out on an epicquest just to get some alone time with the missus.1966. even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking mad scientist.1967. a shemsu-heru kamikaze pilot is funny once.1968. even if there is no naming convention given, tal vashoth are probably not namedlarry. 1969. i will keep all eldritch artifacts ofungodly power out of the reach of children. 1970. even if i need to practice it, if i'mplaying batman, i lose the russian accent. 1971. giving my media the paparazzi templatedoes not actually cause humanity loss. 1972. no probating dunkelzahn's will.1973. i will quit pestering the techpriest
on whether he's ac or dc.1974. despite what the rules say, you don't have to be a 19th level bard to play alice'srestaurant massacre. 1975. no using the weapon critical hit chartsto play bingo. 1976. the identify spell doesn't work on mysterymeat. 1977. if i managed to roll up a half ogreknight errant on 3d6 straight down, no gloating. 1978. naming the half ogre sir loin of beefis gloating. 1979. the university of wisconsin does nothave branches in lankhmar, waterdeep or blackmoor. 1980. the druid can't transform into a sportscar. even if we douse him with hot water. 1981. no wrecking the millennium falcon inthe prologue.
1982. if the gm's pet npc has tons of plotarmor, can't use her for cover. 1983. even if it's the coolest spell ever,can't just go around exploding everyone. 1984. a paladin of the god of obituaries jobis not to just kick butt and take names. 1985. the surprise in the surprise attackcomes from its speed, not from the shattered eardrums of the breaching charge.1986. when asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an abrams.1987. after the battle my astartes is to spend his time training and in meditation, not choreographinggilbert and sullivan numbers. 1988. no result on the critical hit chartsplits the atom. 1989. can't set the death star to stun.1990. even if we crashed the opening of the
last eight adventures, still have to nameour new starship. 1991. medium well is not a phaser setting.1992. can't fly standing up. 1993. squeezing a termagaunt like bagpipesisn't going to turn him into a machine gun. 1994. there is no instant replay in hackmaster.1995. the proper response after making a very tough bluff check is not a td dance.1996. if any player ends up in lingerie, the game is over.1997. better believe if i berserk for two straight hours i'm going to feel it in themorning. 1998. the wookie isn't allowed anywhere nearconditioner. 1999. the evil twin flaw doesn't count ifhe's fraternal.
2000. despite what the dice just said, i'mnot the personal god of michael phelp's agent. 2001. a saber tooth tiger is not an acceptablesecond in a duel. 2002. no flashbacks to the death of the disposableexpository npc at the start of the adventure. 2003. any gun whose damage is best describedin scientific notation is vetoed. 2004. just because i took the large advantagedoes not let me rampage through tokyo at will. 2005. can't just program the probe droid togo to light speed through the star destroyer. 2006. torpedo spheres don't just go off onaccident. 2007. no taunting darth maul with the factuncle owen had more lines, more screen time and a more memorable death.2008. no spending money from the raise dead
fund on ice cream.2009. i will make sure when the gm asks what my fetish is if he means voodoo bag or brunetteswith short hair. 2010. improved tax evasion is not a real feat.2011. there is no easy way to tell a guy he named his genetically engineered uber spacemongolian after genghis khan's wife. 2012. apothecaries can't perform emergencyskullectomies. 2013. can't convince the entire pantheon toall take spiders as their fourth domain. 2014. in the middle of a black ops i don'thave time to set all the target's phone handsets to maximum volume.2015. if world war iii is looming, i will not spend all my character advances on justliberal arts degrees.
2016. while extremely cool, my superhero needssomething more than just a gun that fires badgers at people.2017. off duty astartes wear robes, not wife beaters and speedos.2018. spending my rank 4 instead of rank 5 priority on human does not make me more humanthan human. 2019. even if the elf fails his willpowercheck, we don't need to change him. 2020. there is only one mounting option formr. stud. this is not optional. 2021. even if used correctly, branding ironsdo not count as non-lethal weapons. 2022. i will refrain from any activity thatcould turn the entire party into smoking piles of lederhosen.2023. using my runic powers to provide a light
show for my skald's musical performances isabusing grumfather's gift. 2024. despite how practical it would be, ihave no need for a dracheneisen tuba. 2025. there is no such thing as a shotgunexterminatus. 2026. i will not try to bring back nipplesas a superhero fashion statement. 2027. boernings fully understand the conceptof personal space. 2028. even if the rules allow it, a calledshot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.2029. in the middle of a black ops, i can't order 1500 pizzas to be delivered to the targetthe next day. 2030. elves do not get a racial bonus to theskill trade: interior design
2031. even if the kids love it, the cone ofcold spell is not for making toboggan rides possible in august.2032. if i ever trick the dm into telling us the only way to make money mining is towork the shaft, all my characters die. not just in this game either.2033. even if the rules allow it, i can't conduct a television interview and maintaina choke hold at the same time. 2034. can't spend all my starting points tobuild a renaissance version of las vegas. 2035. cylons don't have a four year life span.2036. darth harmonious is not a real sith lord.2037. no matter how many times it's already been retconned, i can't change the story ofthe origins of the sith every time we play.
2038. even if it's a friendly pick up game,it's a bad idea to dunk on vader. 2039. i will remember captain reis has the"immunity: npcs with no name" advantage. 2040. characters with the curious disadvantageare not acceptable substitutions for the identify spell.2041. there are no additional bonuses to guessing the right card if we're playing go fish witha deck of many things. 2042. any attempt to breed bearowls is doomedto failure. 2043. if i knock out ryu while i'm blocking,it's time to retire the character. 2044. if i'm not allowed to go back in timeto kill the villain, i can't just bring him to the present as a child either.2045. no scanning the periodical table for
an unused element to base my superhero around.2046. the very thought of improving my humanity by osmosis costs humanity.2047. dwarven ale does not double as jet fuel, industrial solvent or colic medicine.2048. no secretly setting the netrunner's modem interface to 8 bit.2049. no matter how pissed off the verbena makes me, i can't put her on glenn beck'smailing list. 2050. can't use the bureaucracy skill to indefinitelydelay a rival going through customs. yeah, made no sense to me either.2051. dm's don't appreciate the socratic method. 2052. the following are not acceptable favoredenemies: torries, cartoon characters, wichita falls.2053. if the gm is a woman, can't play a space
otter to gain cute points.2054. if the rules require me to multiply several stats by 10,117 to get another stat,can't do it long hand in protest. 2055. i will try to keep the number of pagesthe gm rips out of his playtest binder to a minimum.2056. can't stealthfully follow the villainous wizard and backstab him every time he triesto cast a spell, even if every rogue in the world does it to our wizard.2057. my druid will stop insisting we place all expended magic items in the appropriaterecycling bin. 2058. no uploading to the villian's electrotatthe video of me shooting him. 2059. even if i no longer lose san aroundthem, no domesticating nightgaunts.
2060. when describing my superhero, i willstop at "molly ringwald man" 2061. note to self: pinata golems are a badidea. 2062. even if i have enough rope and havenine attacks a round, can't garrote a hydra. 2063. despite hawkman, batman, antman andspiderman, red snapperman is not a legitimate superhero name.2064. the wish spell can't affect the order of the alphabet.2065. even if i buy off the nemesis disadvantage doesn't mean we can't still be enemies.2066. snipers don't appreciate their spotter yelling out "boom headshot!"2067. can't have a gun that can inflict lethal damage with just the bullet's windshear.2068. if my character's name is not an anagram,
i will tell the dm before he spends 30 minutesrearranging letters. 2069. no explaining battle plans to the tuneof a jerry reed song. 2070. the spell is "heat metal", not "detectpiercings". 2071. even if the corporation prefers pc terminology,an interrogation is not 'kinetic information retrieval'.2072. power word sarcasm is not a real spell. 2073. even if the rules might allow them,we can't all play ogryn warcasters. 2074. i will not give into temptation whenpresented with a decanter of endless water and an opening to the underdark.2075. just because i can, doesn't mean i have to land my veritech like ironman on the deckof the carrier every single time.
2076. if i'm commissioned to build an artillerygun, they don't mean a gun that fires howitzers. 2077. if i abandon the game for alone timewith my fiance, my pc dies. ask me if i freaking care.2078. just because the dm prefers d&d to alone time with a smoking hot fiance doesn't meanthe party gets to question his gender preference. 2079. during the time of troubles can't forwardmy prayers to another god. 2080. the bohemian earspoon is not an appropriateweapon for a paladin. or anybody else for that matter.2081. 'horn dog' is not a real dwarven caste. 2082. no matter how successful, our partyhas to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen. 2083. 'fifty shades of grey dwarves' is notthe new duergar sourcebook.
2084. we can't steal all the treasure fromthe giant magical scales, even if we do undertake an engineering project that dwarfs the hooverdam. 2085. my legionaire can't spend resourceson a 16 ton weight he can drop on people with his mind later.2086. qunari don't take smiling damage. 2087. no matter what experience say, westvirginians do not make the best mythos investigators. 2088. if i have to buy a second warehouseto store all my spare magic weapons, time to retire the character.2089. even if it is a real way to kill somebody, i can't burke the bad guy.2090. the following are not real cyberpunk festivals: night city comiccon, the killitfestival, grenadeapalooza.
2091. can't just target the villain's starfighter, even if it's the only one of its type in the battle.2092. before entering denerim we don't have to delouse the dalish.2093. can't trick the dragon into swallowing a shrunken dire porcupine and then endingthe spell while he swallows. 2094. liechtenstein has no need for weaponsof mass destruction. 2095. can't trick the time travelling badguy into a shoot out with his past self. 2096. we aren't looking at the various kingdoms'tax rates before deciding where to dungeon crawl.2097. vecna was not the inventor of the organ donor card.2098. even if i took it with me with the full
intention of using it, a manhole cover countsas an improvised weapon. 2099. since they don't participate in theolympics, i can stop writing r'lyeh's national anthem.2100. no matter how big these sewers seem to be, we aren't finding a shipley's donutsdown here. 2101. there are more uses to ninjitsu thanjust dodgin process servers. 2102. i will not make any plan that hingeson the medicinal value of dire wombats. 2103. even if he is lawful evil, the villainisn't going to respond to a jury summons. 2104. they don't make civilian models of chainguns. 2105. infravision no longer works like thermographicvision, so i can stop trying to hide from
the elf by smearing myself with mud.2106. you can't crank start a warjack. 2107. tharn aren't allowed to take cookingskills. 2108. even if i have the model for her, satyxiscan't be disk jockeys. 2109. doesn't matter if he is a son of bragg,"hey baby" is not a trollkin mating call. 2110. trollkin cannot puff out their chinslike frogs. 2111. warjacks do not prefer bacon favoredcoal. 2112. khadorians primary weakness is not temperateweather. 2113. i can't saddle break: a dire troll,a kodiak warjack, or the butcher. 2114. i can't clear out a dungeon by justthrowning a ball down the entrance and telling
the nomad warjack to fetch.2115. just because the nyss decided to become a fire sorceror doesn't mean she hates herparents. 2116. one does not just 'whip up' a priestessof loviator. 2117. i will not buy skills for weapons thatdon't exist yet. 2118. no more arguing over whether my ogrunlooks more like fabio or lorenzo lamas. 2119. the ogrun language does not sound likethe ewok victory song. 2120. elves do not squirt ink out of theirnipples as a defense mechanism. 2121. elves also do not secrete a foul tastingoil when threatened. 2122. the reason elves live in forests isnot to protect them from eagles that swoop
down and grab them up.2123. no regifting cursed items on christmas. 2124. the dm will notice if the entire partyis named after the houston texans offensive line.2125. no matter how close to lunch is it, halflings don't have to save vs. cannibalism.2126. there will be no more arguing on whether eowyn could have killed macbeth or mcduffcould have killed the witch king. 2127. the following haircuts are forbiddento ogrun: pompadour, flock of seagulls, tv's frank2128. the elf punk has more options in her downtime than just accordian practice andtorture porn. 2129. i will refer to the other player's sidekickby her name and not just "your make believe
chinese lesbian girlfriend."2130. my first priority in the apocalypse is not finding a monster truck or finishingmy lord humongous costume. 2131. the apocalypse was probably not causedby grips, mimes or french maids. 2132. despite hollywood's claims, not allrenegade cops keep miniguns under their desks. 2133. if my starting star wars character isimmediately set upon by an escaped rifts character, wadding up my character sheet and throwingit at him is not an appropriate form of surrender. 2134. before resorting to burlesque, we willexplore all other options on how to sneak past the security camera.2135. i can't make an acquisition test in the middle of combat to hire away the rivalrogue trader's crew.
2136. i will not let the gm threaten me with"do your worst" if my character was based on feyd-rautha.2137. even if i am playing a ravenwing marine, i have to get off the motorcycle eventually.2138. if the game retcon's my characters god, i will not start the orthodox faith of theold version of the god. 2139. you can't critically hit with a nuclearweapon. 2140. even if the rules allow it, you can'tslip an object into a person's pocket if the object is larger than the person.2141. after clearing out the dungeon, i won't animate all the dead orcs and leave behindthe copper pieces so the next party won't be totally disappointed.2142. no matter how many points i've put into
perform, i can't use my mandolin as my solemethod of communication. 2143. wishes have no effect on errata.2144. i will stop referring to satyxis as "two pointers."2145. satyxis don't shed their horns every fall like elk.2146. satyxis aren't related to qunari. 2147. there will be no more jokes about thegm's horny bikini wearing pirate chick fetish. 2148. when asking if i'm cross playing, theydidn't mean if my character was christ. 2149. you can't plea bargain regicide.2150. the cryokinetic's default job is not to protect the cooler.2151. just because the dwarf hits name level doesn't mean we owe him a bar mitzvah.2152. getting four guys each with a different
25% mythos lore doesn't mean we win call ofcthulhu. 2153. the "fur" and "lust" domains shall nevermeet. 2154. no reminding my lieutenant that "neidermeyer"can be used as a verb. 2155. getting multiple entries in a game'sfirst errata is not a badge of honor. 2156. even if my metamagician has his twinned,enhanced, empowered, maximized magic missile readied doesn't mean i can tell people to"make my day" 2157. doesn't matter if we all have differentcostumes and names, the group is vetoed if its clear we're all thor.2158. using my animal influence ability to send countless animals on a suicide attackis fine, but not to form a chorus line.
2159. just because my media only put the bareminimum into his journalistic skills doesn't mean he starts at msnbc.2160. the ability to calculate thaco in your head does not increase attractiveness.2161. invoking andre the giant only works once to win an argument with the storyteller.2162. can requisition items nobody in the squad knows how to use.2163. before starting an underwear clad pillow fight, i must first make sure the party isnot all dwarves. 2164. there will be no further product placementin the mission evaluation videos. 2165. to cut down on the number of mexicanstandoffs, there is only one commissar allowed in the squad now.2166. the weeping angels natural enemy is
not the goldfish.2167. the answer is never "dwarven river dance". 2168. no starting a bidding war during charactercreation to see who the pet npc likes best. 2169. can't use a water gun to make the aslanfollow orders. 2170. step 1 in the party's preparation forthe quest is not a mani/pedi. 2171. can't reduce the difficulty of an autopsycheck by skipping the 'put everything back where you found it' step.2172. even if its beneficial, no changing the number of limbs on a character withoutthe other player's consent. 2173. better benefits doesn't justify alignmentconflicts with an organization. 2174. if another pc dies, no bonus xp forgoing through all 7 stages of grief before
the end of the session.2175. it's best we don't let the paladin anywhere near customs.2176. even if calling out characters for critical hits is encouraged, no talking the crit hitmonster into naming his character skjor. 2177. plan a is not send in the doom reaverand wait for the screams to stop. 2178. despite what you think, the profession:dentist can't substitute for the interrogation skill.2179. my werebear can't hibernate through the boring expository parts at the beginning.2180. even if i can justify a viking with a maxed out legal skill, that doesn't givehim a law degree. 2181. druids don't practice dental hygieneby having small birds pick their teeth clean.
2182. mechalus are not just borg with betterpr. 2183. distract the bad guy does not mean witha called shot to his appendix. 2184. no hacking the target megacorp to putout a recall notice for their security's firearms. 2185. despite it's tremendous cost to benefitratio, bubblewrap is not a staple of black ops.2186. my character in an anthro rpg is meant to be a anime furry cliche, not an escapeefrom looney toons. 2187. no matter how many examples i can give,a flamethrower cannot boost morale. 2188. the primary use of a druid's naturelore is not to learn the mating calls of various fey creatures.2189. the 2nd book of gretsky appears nowhere
in the canadian bible.2190. can't take energy blast with infinite range and the ability to shoot through thetv and just channel surf the news. 2191. when challenged by a dwarf king, i can'tpick basketball. 2192. the villain will eventually notice thetrain tracks are starting to point straight at his front door.2193. inspire courage is a great super power, unless you use it to get hordes of innocentbystanders to bum rush the super villain. 2194. no questioning the marshal on why atown of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.2195. "bladder control" is not an appropriate super hero power.2196. when listing the advantages of elves
to the new player, i will leave off "shatterproof". 2197. rings of fire resistance offer no protectionfrom rug burn. 2198. when the villain is hiding from us,just can't call him on his cell. 2199. no animal companions come in their prehistoricversion. 2200. if i just cast 17 fire spells in thedruid's sacred grove and a simple "sorry" isn't going to cut it.2201. just because they don't have rules for them, canadians can still be companions forthe doctor. 2202. when i take watch, everybody must wakeup with the same number of limbs as they went to sleep with.2203. even if the rules allow it, the spell
command: summarize can't speed up the plotexposition. 2204. the restriction on guns extends to allbuildings used for higher education. 2205. the commissar will not be pleased ifour entire plan is 1. ask for a baneblade. 2. roll low.2206. create a distraction doesn't mean with walruses trained in ballroom dance.2207. we are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.2208. my favored enemy must be more than just "claire".2209. my techpriest will refrain from developing emotional attachments to the ordnance.2210. i will remember that if any samurai sounds like takeshi shimura, we will all endup sounding like takeshi shimura.
2211. if i have to change my samurai's voice,i will pick something that doesn't make him sound like a native of guadalajara.2212. the dm doesn't want to hear about the pointlessness of framing an aasimar paladinfor murder. 2213. in the middle of a black ops the target'selevator music selection is off limits. 2214. deer season is restricted to riflesor bows, not brass knuckles. 2215. despite what the rules imply, multipleheld actions do not interfere with the flow of time.2216. can't spot the paladin hiding in the thieves guild by looking for the guy breakingout in hives. 2217. multi-classing to a fighter/mage/thiefis fine. a fighter/mage/thief/reagan democrat
is not.2218. we don't have to consult a neurologist every time somebody fails a paralysis save.2219. no casting haste on the fighter while he sleeps to see how long it takes him tonotice all the new gray hair. 2220. no using every possible special rulefor combat in the very first fight of the campaign.2221. if a conjured monster does exceptionally well in combat, i can't ask him for a resume.2222. the find traps spell doesn't work on dating websites.2223. stone of flesh spells are banned in all major art galleries.2224. anesthetic is not just for sissies. 2225. personal effects are enough to provewe stopped the villain. no more bringing back
his zombified corpse.2226. the concept of vowels are not alien to dwarves.2227. the first thing you do in bangkok after clearing customs is not make an alignmentcheck. 2228. no asking the elf how they make it to1000 years old with such a crappy fortitude save.2229. it's thieves cant. not illegalize. 2230. even if we were told to use all of it,can't use the extra explosives for public displays of affection to my girlfriend.2231. the spell is called dancing lights, not detect epilepsy.2232. when discussing examples of target sizes, there will be no mention of areolas.2233. cause disease doesn't let you pick the
diseased caused, so i can stop reading thesymptoms of kuru. 2234. no abusing homonyms.2235. just because orlais doesn't have a shogun, doesn't mean i can declare myself one.2236. even if it would be awesome in real life, immunity: bureaucracy is not an acceptablesuper power. 2237. christian baleful polymorph is not areal spell. 2238. the returning ability on magical weaponsdoesn't let me make a fortune at pawn shops. 2239. under no circumstances is modern artpurchases coming out of the team fund. 2240. though there are many to ways to becomea god, buying a gibson les paul and maxing out the perform skill isn't one of them.2241. "fantastic in the sheets" is not an
appropriate character focus.2242. even if the rules allow it, no asking a dread destroyer for favors.2243. buying the crew the best quality underwear in the sector isn't going to increase moral.2244. on second thought, rhythm guitar isn't an appropriate focus for a bard.2245. ammunition is not just for closers. 2246. no basing our epic powered superherogroup in terre haute. 2247. if even if the rules allow it, no tradingin our laser guns for muskets to play sharpe's rifles in space!!!2248. no abusing union bylaws to exploit holes in security.2249. even if i take the total recall trait, i can't remember all quarter million crewon my ship by their first name.
2250. even if i haven't had anything to dofor several hours, no updating facebook in the middle of a black ops.2251. no calling a city councilman to settle an argument about dwarves.2252. when a dwarf goes to the surface for the first time, i can't cast levitate on him.2253. gandolf never had a lavender phase. 2254. covering myself in mud doesn't makeme invisible to the elf. 2255. in the middle of a black ops i can'tdelete the guards we killed from their hr database.2256. i cannot play anything with a blowhole. 2257. even if my character is welsh, his namehas to include vowels. 2258. if the middle of a black ops can't calla lot of long distance phone sex numbers and
just leave their phones off the hook.2259. even if i am allowed to design my own gun, i can't make a .314 magnum pistol.2260. my qunari cannot join the church of giantology.2261. no picking a god based solely on the number of paid religious holidays they offer.2262. if we're level 1, we can't blow up the planet.2263. the rune stones did not just say the princess needs to get naked.2264. even if my character is from chicago, he still only gets one vote in party matters.2265. i will remember any use of the perform: burlesque skill is going require a full turnfor my bard to get dressed again. 2266. immunity to blast damage does not helpagainst the fallout of another player's stupidity.
2267. when the gm says i can have any weaponclassified as archaic, that doesn't include trebuchets.2268. when in the presence of a god is not the best time to bring up the topic of reformation.2269. can't switch religions in the middle of a game.2270. no auctioning off my faith between the various temples.2271. no converting to religions from other games.2272. the paladin does not have to run a background check on new pcs before they join the group.2273. can't pick a religion based solely on the greatest number of sexual positions allowed.2274. i am not transelven. 2275. disguising the party as cygnarans requiresmore than just buying a whole bunch of goggles.
2276. i will not name my character bab thaco.2277. if the king says he will reimburse our expenses, no turning the mission into an epiccontinent spanning quest. 2278. especially if the original missionswas "kill all the goblins in this cave." 2279. no abusing the thaumaturgy spell byslamming doors in the face of missionaries, inventing the clapper, or constantly impersonatingbrian blessed. 2280. we aren't starting 5th edition by findingelminster in the shower wondering about 4th edition.2281. bring the goblins to justice doesn't mean knocking all of them out and marchingthem back for a public apology. 2282. our first encounter can't end with mehugging a bugbear tell him how much i missed
him.2283. there is no such thing as a belt of norwegification.2284. i am not assigning that 18 i just rolled to my necromancer's charisma.2285. i will remember the basic set is still incomplete and ignore all the "under construction"signs. 2286. can only pick two of the following formy character: dwarf beserker, battering ram, fireproof, light source.2287. we are not using the dwarf's back hair to make any of the following: rope, sweater,quilt, hot air balloon. 2288. i will not force the rookie to picksides in the eternal banded mail debate. 2289. even if the breakup was bad, namingmy ex as my ranger's favored enemy puts out
a creepy stalker vibe.2290. even if the rules allow it, my gladiator's starting weapons cannot be the trident andbagpipes. 2291. even if he is "a mysterious entity whosenature is utterly foreign to the fabric of reality" andy kaufman does not count as agreat old one. 2292. even if the rules allow it, i can'thave proficiency in every skill by level 6. 2293. no casting guards & wards in the housesof people who annoy me. 2294. i will stop casting awaken on the otherparty members' horses. 2295. if even if they are half the cost ofwarhorses, can't just by elephants for the entire party.2296. my gnome won't drunk call the elf mkii
that didn't make the cut in the new edition.2297. when asked for typical barbarian settings, i can't suggest camden n. j.2298. the bond "ex-husband" can't be applied to every female character in the party.2299. i will stop assuming all drow know drizzt. 2300. it's cute when you train your hamsterto attack their eyes. your weasel not so cute. 2301. even if the rules allow it, the entireparty can't be all raised by the same wolf. 2302. the party's mutual bond can't be "formermembers of the funky bunch." 2303. i can't bribe the dwarf with an offerof putting him up for stud. 2304. kissing up to a dragon until he givesus a minor trouble is acceptable, slapping us with a restraining order not so much.2305. can't use the summon monster spell to
redefine the term "trolling someone"2306. 12 degrees of success on my charm test doesn't automatically earn me a commissarialbackrub. 2307. successfully grappling the roper doesn'tlet me use him to play double dutch with the thief.2308. even if the rules allow it, no using plaid colored light spells to to mess withthe guard's perception of movement. 2309. if i challenge death to a game, pickingcampaign for north africa doesn't ensure immortality. 2310. despite what the rules say, a ghillesuit does not make me invisible in the st. patrick's day parade.2311. no matter what it would do to his spell casting chances, i can't cast shrink on thenecromancer's undies.
2312. you can only make so many called shotsto the groin until it's an alignment check. 2313. "athletic scholarship" is not an acceptableexcuse to take the sage background for my half orc barbarian.2314. after cleaning out their lair, i can't put all the newly petrifried medusas in myfront yard as decorations. 2315. i will not finish any sentence containingthe phrase 'blink ferrets." 2316. need to stop coming up with excusesto keep referencing page 73 of the dungeoneer's survival guide.2317. no matter how rude it was, i will keep all my interactions with the magic mouth atthe entry of the dungeon pg-13. 2318. even if the rules allow it, no dualwielding lances.
2319. just because it's legal to dual wieldquarterstaves, tieing two together does not give me dire-nunchucks.2320. my rogue will accept the fact he can backstab a tridrone, even if it doesn't havea back to stab. 2321. we aren't using rosie o'donnel for aunit of measurement for any aspect of a warjack. 2322. yes the demolition corps has a dressuniform, no it's not steam powered. 2323. just because i bought my dice bag atthe vatican doesn't mean my dice are catholic. 2324. despite the book's claim, using a doublenegative in the protectorate of menoth doesn't bring down a death sentence.2325. before making my last wish, i will make sure everybody in the party actually wantspatagia.
2326. my woad clad pict will stop callingthe lady knight critical of chainmail bikinis an overdressed prude.2327. just because acid is considered a damage type and alkaline isn't doesn't mean the dmhas a ph imbalance. 2328. just because damage is non-lethal doesn'tmean i can keep beating him for hours. 2329. gurahl come in grizzly, kodiak and polarvarieties. not drop. 2330. wife's side of the family is not anacceptable choice for favored enemy. 2331. even if it's a gladiator campaign, wecan't all be spartacus. 2332. when asked why the feywild isn't inthe campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer.2333. even if the rules allow it, i can't
have a clockwork kidney.2334. this goes double for a steam powered liver.2335. while it is customary to initiate a duel by striking with a gauntlet, it is alsocustomary to do it at subsonic speeds. 2336. i will make sure any minor summoningspell gets us a lesser elemental and not jailbait. 2337. i will not use summon spells just forsticking somebody else with the check. 2338. even if the rules allow it, we can'tbe space ogre ninjas. 2339. when providing pistols for a duel, theyboth can't be fingerprint locked just to me. 2340. even if the rules allow it, i can'tspend my xp to turn the crapsack setting into a functional randian utopia.2341. liechtenstein doesn't have a challenge
rating.2342. pendragon is not the best game to test darwin's theories on survival of the fittest.2343. i can't spend all my starting points on concubines.2344. every time the catgirl fails a skill check, i won't spritz her with the water bottleas punishment. 2345. i can't use the catgirl's tongue toremove paint from metal. 2346. even if my character's lifespan is incenturies, i can't just pour salt water over the lock and just wait.2347. i also can't spend all my character points on one just really awesome concubine.2348. i will stop asking the jesuit to teach me kung fu moves.2349. no finding industrial uses for darkspawn.
2350. step one of every plan can't just be"set them all on fire" 2351. even if my druid is immune to poisondoesn't mean he can chug bleach with impunity. 2352. can't clear out the dungeon with justengineering checks. 2353. i will not test the dm's knowledge onthe rules for hypothermia, heat stroke or dysentery.2354. no more bringing more rule books to the game than the gm owns.2355. can't bribe a dragon with belly rubs. 2356. there is no such thing as medicinalmelange. 2357. 4chan does not cause more sanity lossthan cthulhu. 2358. just because the new edition is lighton magic items doesn't mean i have to go through
withdrawal.2359. even if we all conspired to do it, it's my fault if the characters' names form a jewishfolk song. 2360. i can't spend all of my share of theloot on flamethrowers. 2361. i don't get bulk discounts when buyingarmies. 2362. i can't devote an entire deck of thebattle cruiser to just my mistress. 2363. drug tests can't detect potions of speed.2364. i should stop asking the lady of pain to rsvp.2365. even if it's the simple and and obvious solution to the module, we aren't beatingthe adventure with lesbianism. 2366. the following are not acceptable secondsin a duel: space marine chapter masters, intelligent
dancing vorpal swords, prussia.2367. the rulebook wasn't kidding about needing 5,000 people to hijack a star destroyer.2368. even if the entire party is in total agreement, we aren't stopping the game tocall the writer and correct his texas history. 2369. if the villain doesn't have a phobiaof the blue footed boobie, i can't give him one.2370. i will keep the amount of sexual innuendo to a minimum in the autopsy report.2371. even if i sew them into a serape, i can't wear two magical capes at once.2372. the control water spell is not for spontaneous wet t-shirt contests.2373. the name for a group of elves is not the fagot.2374. while perform: spoken word is an acceptable
skill for a bard, perform: scat is not.2375. i will remember the whole acid spray ability before i cause the company chaplainto spit take. 2376. the dwarven work ethic is not just "diguntil we hit evil." 2377. when granted a wish use it to unsinkthe continent the immortals just destroyed. 2378. when making a wish granted by said immortals,i will leave out the words "you incompetent pricks."2379. can't just use a wish to turn strahd back to a human.2380. no weaponizing the talisman of pure good.2381. just because they can't be the target of raise dead spells doesn't mean elves haveno soul.
2382. in the middle of a black ops can't organizea skeet shoot with office furniture. 2383. when challenging death to a game, gmingparanoia doesn't grant immortality. 2384. raise dead spells are not just for closers.2385. doesn't matter where you hit him, you can't set a bard to shuffle.2386. there is no such thing as gnomeophobia. 2387. i will not give anybody an unreasonablefear of gnomes. 2388. no matter how high my damage resistanceis, i can't name my dwarf tanky mctankitytank. 2389. despite the ridiculously short lifespans,3rd level doesn't count as epic level for atruaghins.2390. the plan is not just let the villain beat on the dwarf until his arm gets tired.2391. if i'm the druid i can't put protestant
down as my religion.2392. the teleporting spiders attacking us are not just going through a phase.2393. the natural enemy of the elf is not the common cold.2394. no wasting wishes trying to bring ultravision back to the game.2395. no picking the only form of travel the dm isn't familiar with.2396. traveling by sculling is nowhere near as cool as it sounds.2397. any character named jim katta is going to be taken from me and burned.2398. the fereldan rules of succession are not just "two men enter, one man leaves."2399. when looking for a template to make a creature deadlier, "australian" is not alegitimate choice.
2400. just because i have the technology,doesn't mean i need to make him better. 2401. just because there are no rules forthe bec de corbin, doesn't mean they don't exist.2402. no starting wars over the what's the best pole arm.2403. can't give a shout out in a ransom note. 2404. i can't bet grazz't my soul in a showdownover a golden oboe. 2405. cleaning out all eleven of the cavesof chaos in a single night is not what they mean by a dungeon crawl.2406. i can't save money on identify spells by just having random peasants do a blindtaste test on these potions i found. 2407. i can't save points on learning a newlanguage by just learning only the profanity.
2408. the advantage "friends in high places"cannot be represented by johnny walker blue. 2409. my wish cannot include the words "and,additional, furthermore" or any synonyms thereof. 2410. our posse can't resemble an 80's britishglam band without an explanation. 2411. the most dangerous weapon is not anupeo wa macho and her construction equipment. 2412. yes, they are the perfect solution toall our deep one problems. no we can't have depth charges.2413. the barbarian can still berserk even if he hasn't had his morning coffee.2414. offering to buy the hostage i just rescued a new arm is not sufficient enough of an apology.2415. vargyr do not have the flaw ancestral enemy: united states postal service.2416. no convincing rahasia he's just not
that worth it.2417. bargle the infamous is not under a "protection from continuity" spell.2418. if the quest is to retrieve a magical genie bottle, no shaking it up before handingit back over. 2419. i am required to tell the dm if thesecret villain of the adventure is revealed on the back synopsis of the module screen.2420. you can't teach a parrot power word kill.2421. there is no danger from explosive decompression in teleporting a duergar directly to the surface.2422. you better believe wearing a mu-mu to the coronation gets you searched for halflings.2423. if the party is black tie only, that doesn't mean just painted on the power armor.2424. even if she is a soul sucking creature
of unholy darkness, the cleric can't turnmy ex-wife. 2425. my necromancer is not in charge of inhumanresources. 2426. cleaning out the dungeon doesn't involvedressing up like ghosts and trying to scare them out.2427. the positive energy plane doesn't charge a cover charge.2428. not allowed to see if its possible to drown someone in a barrel filled with healingpotions. 2429. can't apply the holy avenger traitsto siege weapons. 2430. the halfling wizard can't exploit theshort rest rules by abusing the use of a papoose. 2431. a mandingo is not an australian lycanthrope.2432. if i have to guard the av-8 during the
black ops, no entertaining myself with thepa system, ejection seat or cluster munitions. 2433. i can't fill my yard with adventurershaped statues to convince people it's a medusa lair so they fight me with their eyes closed.2434. when i'm told a giant version of a creature is acceptable for my animal companion, thatdoesn't include the tortoise. 2435. using dogs to keep late watch is fine,howler monkeys not so much. 2436. i will not be the sole reason carnivaleis canceled this year. 2437. if another player's character has allthe symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, a cure disease spell won't help.2438. not starting the adventure until we have exactly one elf in the party is not tolkienism.2439. pointing out the gun will break the
character's shoulder if fired in that positionis not they meant as a trigger warning. 2440. scots do not go up faster in directsunlight faster than vampires. 2441. my rogue trader's crew will notice ifshe left out savior pods to make room for a bigger shoe closet.2442. firepower is not an appropriate substitute for the fellowship stat.2443. we are not sneaking into the golden throne disguised as a documentary crew.2444. no, i really don't want to know the profit factor cost for insurance on my grandcruiser is. 2445. when facing the terrasque can't justgate in a black ball and sit back and watch. 2446. no complaining after the black balltakes out the terrasque when it starts doing
donuts on the treasure pile.2447. no threatening the aboleth with telling the cajun restaurant his location.2448. acererak doesn't care about the tomb of horror's yelp rating.2449. even if my musketeer just tore richelieu from the french throne, i didn't just breakthe cardinal rule. 2450. if the storyteller gives me a dramadie at about 70 mph and aimed at my face, it wasn't a compliment.
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